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What Would You Do? (Sensitive/Not family-friendly)

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Batt4Christ, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. Bobby Hamilton

    Bobby Hamilton New Member

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    I wouldn't venture to say he's not going to answer you. He keeps avoiding this question.

    I'm torn on the issue. We had a sex offender in our small church, and it was relatively known. He stayed away from kids, but ultimately he ended up leaving.

    I felt for the guy, simply because he wanted to get as right with God as he could. He was repentant, and when he and I became more acquainted he was up front with me about it.

    I guess my thought would be this: In the state I live in (and I think it's all 50 states, but I don't know for sure)...sex offenders are registered. By law they have to. Since this is a law, every person in that church (and city) has a right to know that John Doe is a sex offender.

    It's how that information is presented that is key. No matter what church you go to, a person with this history is going to create animosity. That is straight up human nature, no way around it. But this man should be afforded the same opportunity and access to the ministries that everyone else in that church has, because his spirtual growth is just as important.

    But a penalty (everlasting) for his crime/sin is the role he can portray in the church. That is something he'll have to live with no matter where he goes. That kind of crime (no matter the reason) should keep him from being a leader in most (if not all) aspects of the church.
     
  2. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    I will later.
     
  3. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    Sure they can. Just so that they are not allowed to handle the finances or be near the cash. But does this former thief blame his victims for being a thief?

    It depends on the situation. If the former adulterer blames the person they had an affair with---probably no.

    Murderers can go to church services where they belong--in prison.
    Lot's of nice prison ministries. We're all safer with murderers behind bars. And I really think that.

    Again, this is a "what would you do" thread. And I have stated what I would do. At the end of the day, it is up to the local body whether to accept or reject membership of anyone whether they be a law abiding citized or a convicted _____fill in the blank_______.

    In any case, I've done my best to answer your questions. Have great weekend.
     
  4. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    But Mark_13 said in Christian love, abcgrad. That makes it ok.
    "I mean this in Christian love" gives the speaker or writer the same privileges as the phrase "bless his/her heart." :laugh:

    It is quite obvious that we all have strong opinions on this. I'm not mad at anyone for theirs.

    But I stand by my original point: it is the Pastor's job to protect the sheep from the wolves.
     
  5. Bobby Hamilton

    Bobby Hamilton New Member

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    At the end of the day, Batt4Christ is the only person in this thread who really knows what's going on. He can explain it to the best of his ability, but unless any of us are at that Church and know what's going on, it makes it really hard to give advice.

    Batt...pray. Simple as that. And I know I'm not telling you something that you don't already know.
     
  6. Gershom

    Gershom Active Member

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    The answer is really quite simple. The church is to be a place of reconciliation, healing, forgiveness and restoring. He has dealt with his sins, seems with both the law of the land, and with his Maker. We are called to restore those who fall, not continue to condemn them for sins of the past.
     
  7. mommyL

    mommyL New Member

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    I see that several are still in favor of pretending everything is fine because jail time was served, and letting this man remain in the congregation as is. If our church were to do that, our insurance company would drop us immediately. Maybe we are in a much more litigious area, but due to the large number of sexual lawsuits involving churches in the Northwest, that is part of our coverage. Every staff member and volunteer is required to have a background check in order to do anything within the church (body, not just building). If we knowingly let a registered sex offender attend any gathering with children, we will lose our insurance immediately. Which means our doors would be locked and no more church.
     
  8. preachinjesus

    preachinjesus Well-Known Member
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    Just FYI, no insurance carrier would drop any church for having attenders who have less than clean past records. It doesn't work that way.
     
  9. Gershom

    Gershom Active Member

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    Incredible reply. Sad state we find ourselves in when we reject those we are called to restore in order to maintain insurance. "No insurance, no church." All I can say is WOW.
     
  10. mommyL

    mommyL New Member

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    Well, we weren't even one of the churches being targeted with allegations, but we are on a very short leash with our insurance company. And a bit of confusion almost shut us down last summer. We are being watched closely. It took about a year working with our convention to put the requirements into practice.
     
  11. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Your first sentence just isn't realistic. Things like this are not easy.

    Your second sentence is a blanket truth and I believe it.

    Your third sentence does not agree with the OP's assertions of what the man, himself, has said. He has not dealt with his own sin, as evidenced by fact that after 20 years, he is still blaming an 8-year-old child for seducing him. He, by his own admission, blames his child rape victim and and his ex-wife. He hasn't dealt with his sin.

    Holding a pedophile accountable and keeping him accountable by watching him and the children - with his full knowledge - is not a condemnation of his sin. Informing people - discreetly and with no malice or gossip - is NOT condemnation.

    There is a difference between unconditional forgiveness and conditional consequences.

    Yes, the church should show the man forgiveness and love, but he should also understand that they are NOT going to make him a children's Sunday School teacher or allow him interaction with children. You can forgive someone, but it may a while for a matter of trust to be formed, especially with a complete stranger.

    If a child in my classroom sneaks into my room at recess and steals money from my purse that he saw me hide in my desk drawer, that's bad.

    And if that same child comes to me a day or two later and confesses and gives the money back, I would forgive him fully and love him and tell him how glad I was that he made this right. BUT, I would never leave my purse anywhere that he had access to it ever again.

    This isn't a matter of punishing the man - but protecting the children.
     
    #71 Scarlett O., Feb 12, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012
  12. Gershom

    Gershom Active Member

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    Sure it is. At least the answer is. Just follow what the Bible says about restoring one over taken in a fault.

    You say you believe it, but you wouldn't practice it in this case apparently.

    Seems for the past 6 years since being released, the man, according to the OP, has given evidence of dealing with it fairly well. Perhaps not according to what YOU might suggest is "dealing" with it, but nevertheless, he is dealing with it. If he blames his ex wife for what he did, he needs to be counseled by the appropriate person to help him see that his choices lie directly in his own hand. This would be part of the restoring process.

    Never said it was.

    Yep. I'm suggesting one of those consequences shouldn't be to throw him out of the church as was advised by the leaders of his present church.

    I don't disagree here. And part of protecting the children is the restoration of the man in the body of Christ.
     
  13. Bobby Hamilton

    Bobby Hamilton New Member

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    Interesting. I write church insurance policies on a fairly regular basis, and this isn't even a question on our application. I wonder how many other states do this.
     
  14. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    First of all, restoration can not take place without accountability and humility. Concealing the facts and blaming others for his sin indicates he wants to be restored his way, not God's way. That is, he wants the perks of attending the church without being held responsible for his continual lack of repentance. He wants mercy but without justice.

    Secondly, complete restoration IS NOT POSSIBLE in this case. He has no business EVER holding a place of respect or authority in the church. He cannot be "restored" back to preaching or being counted trustworthy. Unlike a thief who steals money, this man can never replace what he took from his daughter. It cannot be restored.

    Third, the hard facts are that sex offenders are repeat offenders. Period. If you want to debate this, I would gladly challenge anyone here to prove me wrong by providing the stats or experience. It cannot be done. If you "restore" a sex offender back to the point where they were, they WILL repeat the behavior again. Even IF they are truly repentant, they must always be kept under supervision, whether they are forgiven or not. To "restore" a sex offender back to being esteemed and trusted is to do him and any potential victims, and great disservice.
     
  15. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    It must be difficult to present your "hard facts", when the real facts don't back up your made up ones.

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=misunderstood-crimes


    http://www.livescience.com/776-predator-panic-reality-check-sex-offenders.html

    http://www.sexoffender.com/sorecidivism_review.html


    So much for all sex offenders being repeat offenders.
     
  16. plain_n_simple

    plain_n_simple Active Member

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    This man's sin does not exist in God's eyes, and should not exist in anyone else's who claim to know Jesus. Anything else is fear and unbelief in redemption. This situation is exactly what one purpose of the church is for. I pray they do not fail.
     
  17. Gershom

    Gershom Active Member

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    Did you even read the OP?
     
  18. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    I can't post anything else on this thread because it just makes me want to throw up.

    NOBODY HAS SAID that the man needs to be thrown out of church. ALL WE ARE SAYING is that the man BLAMES an EIGHT YEAR OLD for seducing him and that is a HUUUUGGGEEEE RED FLAG of NON-REPENTANCE.

    He needs counseling. And he needs monitoring.

    YES, he can be forgiven. YES, he can attend church. YES, he should be loved. And YES, he should be MONITORED.

    For God's sake, people, I have had a CRAPPY DAY dealing with two abused children who have been BEATEN to a pulp by an abusive father who's done this before and went to jail for a few months. He got out and the sorry mother took him back and now he's done it again and the daughter said that he did it last year, too.

    I had to look at a 14-year-old girl who was beaten with a rod and brush that you wash a car with. She has bruises the size of plates from her shoulders and back down to her thighs and legs. And it was done Friday night. And you should see them today.

    My prinicipal had to listen to a SICK mother defend the father and say that he did nothing wrong.

    He's in jail right now, but he will get out again and she will take him back.

    The social worker nor the sheriff's department would push for foster care because the girl said that she wanted to go home with her mother. They are petrified of her. She didn't feed them all weekend, yet, in her presence, there were too scared to say they wanted help and so the social worker and sheriff's deputy allowed them to go home with her.

    It's a vicious circle that never ends.

    Forgiving a child molester and abuser is essential for their spiritual growth. But forgiving them doesn't mean you turn your back on children than they are around and pretend like nothing ever happened or could ever happen again.

    That's just plain jack ass stupidity.

    Have a great rest of the day.

     
  19. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    You must be reading a different thread than me. It has been said more than once on this thread that he should not be allowed to attend church.
     
  20. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    If it doesn't break any BB rules, we can debate this in the "General Discussions" area of the board so as not to go off topic on this thread.
     
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