Making friends at Church

[evangelist6589]

I have been in places where I just do not fit in and have little in common with the people there as far as secondary interests. Some say you all have Christ in common which is true, but people want secondary interests and commonalities in order to connect and if you have little this will mean it will be hard to find friends. There is also the component of the church and they not having many ways to connect with others. At my present church they have very little for men and very little connection events. I have been to all that I could attend, but they just have very little.

Back in SC I visited a number of churches and had this problem, until I finally settled in on a church with a very active singles ministry and lots of ways to connect with one another and so I was successful at making friends and finding ways to connect. But there was others that visited our group and some where just older singles and they had this problem and eventually they just left and moved on. The missing variable was the activities and the churches where I had failed to make friends and connect had very little of it.

I also remember a guy in the singles ministry that was involved in 2 different churches singles ministry just so he could always be busy, have activities and make friends. During my singleness days this was easier, but my spouse is not all that social and wants to only go to one church all her life, which sooner or later is not going to work as I want to make friends and the only way this is going to happen is if I find other churches with more activities and ways for men to connect which I will do.

 

[Winman]

but my spouse is not all that social and wants to only go to one church all her life, which sooner or later is not going to work as I want to make friends and the only way this is going to happen is if I find other churches with more activities and ways for men to connect which I will do.

So you are officially married now? When did that happen?

Now that you are married your life is going to change. You will not be able to run around with friends anymore, at least not often. Of course, you can invite friends to your house to visit you and your wife. Or, you and your wife can get involved in activities where you both can participate and associate with other people.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

So you are officially married now? When did that happen?

Now that you are married your life is going to change. You will not be able to run around with friends anymore, at least not often. Of course, you can invite friends to your house to visit you and your wife. Or, you and your wife can get involved in activities where you both can participate and associate with other people.

I suppose you dont like the idea of mens meetings situated at pubs....where you can watch the sports channel / ball game, talk about Christ & mens issues & even go help with a Habitat for Humanity or build a ramp at an elderly shut ins house to give them mobility....you know, mens stuff (like sharing a beer & a berger).

 

[Winman]

I suppose you dont like the idea of mens meetings situated at pubs....where you can watch the sports channel / ball game, talk about Christ & mens issues & even go help with a Habitat for Humanity or build a ramp at an elderly shut ins house to give them mobility....you know, mens stuff (like sharing a beer & a berger).

Doesn't really matter what I like does it? :tongue3:

It is what his "spouse" (who says this?) likes that matters isn't it?

Most new wives are funny, many of them like their husband to spend time with them. Some are not too keen on a fellow running around with his friends like he is still single. Wives are funny like that.

 

[Steadfast Fred]

1 Corinthians 7:33 (KJV) 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please [his] wife.

1 Corinthians 7:34 (KJV) 34 There is difference [also] between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please [her] husband.

Evangelist, seek the things that please your wife. If you don't, you may one day lose her.

 

[annsni]

I would recommend finding other young married couples (or young dating couples) and maybe a few older married couples and have them over for dinner. You'd be surprised at how much we might have in common - even without a lot in common. We've done this and honestly, having the Lord in common means a lot more than you think.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Some of my best friends are from church. But, more of my best friends are who I have lived life with, whether it be college or whatever.

I tend to find a lot of shallow "acquaintance" relationships at church, too. It is what it is.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Doesn't really matter what I like does it? :tongue3:

It is what his "spouse" (who says this?) likes that matters isn't it?

Most new wives are funny, many of them like their husband to spend time with them. Some are not too keen on a fellow running around with his friends like he is still single. Wives are funny like that.

And she never indicates a time with her friends....commonly know as "Girls Night Out"?

Maybe thats why you got ...what is it....8 kids (LOL)

Anyway my wife likes Giants Football which allows for W/E cookouts in the fall ....TG. But I gotta have my time also.... Rubgy, Golf, Hunting, Baseball & March Madness

 

[saturneptune]

Sometimes friends and church members do not mix. Many church members tend to have big mouths and long noses. To be a friend, one must be able to confide a situation in them without their jaws flapping to the world. That seems to be an automatic reflex with many at church. I guess you could liken it to involuntary muscular activity, such as a heartbeat.

Another mark of a friend is common interests, such as hobbies. Gossip is not a hobby of mine. People I keep in a close circle of friends are not judgmental, do not foam at the mouth until they can run and tell, and have as much trust and respect for me as I do them. I probably have five or so very close friends at church. Most I am cordial to, but keep a division between them and my out of church life.

 

[convicted1]

Sometimes friends and church members do not mix. Many church members tend to have big mouths and long noses. To be a friend, one must be able to confide a situation in them without their jaws flapping to the world. That seems to be an automatic reflex with many at church. I guess you could liken it to involuntary muscular activity, such as a heartbeat.

Another mark of a friend is common interests, such as hobbies. Gossip is not a hobby of mine. People I keep in a close circle of friends are not judgmental, do not foam at the mouth until they can run and tell, and have as much trust and respect for me as I do them. I probably have five or so very close friends at church. Most I am cordial to, but keep a division between them and my out of church life.

If he has a pet bird, he(evangalist) better not invite you over. Since you took "Sammy", and the parrot prior to leaving the Presbyterians, his might come up missing, too. :laugh:

 

[saturneptune]

If he has a pet bird, he(evangalist) better not invite you over. Since you took "Sammy", and the parrot prior to leaving the Presbyterians, his might come up missing, too. :laugh:

Church members should remember that about me, when they talk like parrots at everything they see. They might end up at the next pot luck in an altered form in a dish.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Evangelist, seek the things that please your wife. If you don't, you may one day lose her.

If you do not have a spouse that is respectful of your space....& Im not referring to your going out with the boys in a raucous drinking & carousing binge, but time out doing some guy things that will most likely honor the Lord, then she is very insecure & not confident of her marriage....then I would start counceling RIGHT NOW. Otherwise your going to be very unhappy & a whipped puppy.

No brother, she should want a confident Christian man who takes his place as the head of the family, honors wife & family & can express his masculinity in fellowship with other Christian men. There are reasons God made us this way, & she should encourage you in this. What is wrong with evangelism, with helping others in the community, in having a beer with the boys, in playing hoops in a pickup game with Christian buddies etc? Absolutely nothing but good in my opinion.

 

[padredurand]

...as I want to make friends and the only way this is going to happen is if I find other churches with more activities and ways for men to connect which I will do.

The church does not exist to provide activities in order to find friends. If you cannot find a common bond with others beneath the Cross of Jesus you will not find one anywhere else.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

The church does not exist to provide activities in order to find friends. If you cannot find a common bond with others beneath the Cross of Jesus you will not find one anywhere else.

Yes but..... stuff like the church may be filled with folks not in his & his wives age bracket, They might not be members of the same community, Our hero might have a different belief system that doesn't jibe....yada yada.

If memory serves our hero is going to his wives Fundamentalist Church & he had some concerns about it. soooo....like dat!

 

[padredurand]

Yes but..... stuff like the church may be filled with folks not in his & his wives age bracket, They might not be members of the same community, Our hero might have a different belief system that doesn't jibe....yada yada.

If memory serves our hero is going to his wives Fundamentalist Church & he had some concerns about it. soooo....like dat!

It will be hard for us to be the Church Persecuted if we can't get beyond being the Church Inconvenienced. Ya know what I mean?

 

[annsni]

It will be hard for us to be the Church Persecuted if we can't get beyond being the Church Inconvenienced. Ya know what I mean?

Very true!

Some of our best relationships through our years in churches were with people who were not just like us. Much older couples, widows/widowers, teens, youth, etc. It's GREAT to get out of ourselves and be a part of a family.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

It will be hard for us to be the Church Persecuted if we can't get beyond being the Church Inconvenienced. Ya know what I mean?

Who is persecuting us?

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Very true!

Some of our best relationships through our years in churches were with people who were not just like us. Much older couples, widows/widowers, teens, youth, etc. It's GREAT to get out of ourselves and be a part of a family.

Begging your pardon but I have family...I don't need church people being my family.

 

[Robert Snow]

We have been so blessed by the Lord. At our church we are one big family. We love and communicate with each other. We, along with several other drive between 55 and 75 miles one way to church so we do things a little differently.

On Sunday we have a morning bible study time then we have a few minutes to share a small breakfast. We then have our morning service which includes plenty of singing and then some old-fashioned Bible preaching. After this we break and have a communal lunch and fellowship. Then we have our second service around 1:30 or 2:00. After this we either go home or fellowship for a while at the pastor's home before heading out.

We have know most of these people for between 20 and 30 years. God truly is great indeed!

 

[evangelist6589]

So you are officially married now? When did that happen?

Now that you are married your life is going to change. You will not be able to run around with friends anymore, at least not often. Of course, you can invite friends to your house to visit you and your wife. Or, you and your wife can get involved in activities where you both can participate and associate with other people.

Less than a month but I like to think ahead. Yes I see my life is going to be different. I am adjusting to the change know but its not easy... It will take time... Thanks for this post.