1. Welcome to Baptist Board, a friendly forum to discuss the Baptist Faith in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to all the features that our community has to offer.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

One liners, and such

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by rlvaughn, Jun 14, 2018.

Top Posters
  1. rlvaughn

    rlvaughn Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    10,544
    Likes Received:
    1,558
    Faith:
    Baptist
    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." -- Steven Wright

    "After being created by the Borden’s Company, Elsie the Cow and Elmer the Bull soon became ‘legend dairy’."

    "Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean folks aren’t out to get me."

    "Never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw

    "Lead me not into temptation...I usually find the way there all by myself."

    "The early Christians were about as popular as a hot dog vendor at a vegan festival." -- Lisa Harper

    "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." -- Edgar Allan Poe

    Sitting on my pinnacle,
    Looking to and fro;
    I wondered where the people were,
    And saw them all below.
    -- Copied
     
    #1 rlvaughn, Jun 14, 2018
    • Like Like x 1
  2. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    24,988
    Likes Received:
    2,268
    Faith:
    Baptist
    When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

    I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.
     
    #2 InTheLight, Jun 14, 2018
    • Funny Funny x 2
  3. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    20,525
    Likes Received:
    3,048
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her porridge and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her....and she beat it to death with a spoon.... :D
     
    #3 kyredneck, Jun 14, 2018
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her porridge and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her... And introduced her to the Web!... Brother Glen:Biggrin
     
    #4 tyndale1946, Jun 14, 2018
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    20,525
    Likes Received:
    3,048
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.
     
    #5 kyredneck, Jun 14, 2018
  6. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.... Then the cat ate him!... Brother Glen:Biggrin

    Keep them coming Kentucky!
     
    #6 tyndale1946, Jun 14, 2018
  7. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    There was an old woman who lived in a shoe... She had so many children she didn't know what to do... So she told the children's daddy who lived there too... Hit the road you deadbeat... Brother Glen:Biggrin
     
    #7 tyndale1946, Jun 14, 2018
  8. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    24,988
    Likes Received:
    2,268
    Faith:
    Baptist
    A man entered a pun contest. He entered 10 different puns hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
     
    #8 InTheLight, Jun 16, 2018
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. padredurand

    padredurand Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Messages:
    4,541
    Likes Received:
    102
    Faith:
    Baptist
    The second mouse gets the cheese.
     
    #9 padredurand, Jun 16, 2018
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2017
    Messages:
    2,206
    Likes Received:
    526
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Don't be an early worm.
     
    #10 Covenanter, Jun 17, 2018
    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Just be a bookworm!... Brother Glen:)
     
    #11 tyndale1946, Jun 17, 2018
    • Like Like x 1
  12. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given... Brother Glen:)
     
    #12 tyndale1946, Jun 17, 2018
    • Like Like x 1
  13. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    Likes Received:
    2,489
    Faith:
    Baptist
    You want a better preacher!... Pray for the one you got!... Brother Glen:)
     
    #13 tyndale1946, Jun 17, 2018
  14. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    63
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Keep Looking Up.....

    Unless you're walking through a cow field.
     
    #14 BroTom64, Jun 19, 2018
  15. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    63
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Where ever you go, there you are.

    The farther you go, the tireder you will be.
     
    #15 BroTom64, Jun 19, 2018
  16. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2017
    Messages:
    2,206
    Likes Received:
    526
    Faith:
    Baptist
    As Theresa May gets more & more confused about the "Brexit" negotiations, it was a pertinent comment on the news subtitles -
    "Theresa maze...."
     
    #16 Covenanter, Jun 21, 2018
  17. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2017
    Messages:
    2,206
    Likes Received:
    526
    Faith:
    Baptist
    #17 Covenanter, Jun 22, 2018
  18. HankD

    HankD Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Joined:
    May 14, 2001
    Messages:
    26,977
    Likes Received:
    2,537
    Faith:
    Baptist
    Alcohol consumed in sufficient quantities produces all the effects of intoxication.

    I can resist anything ... but temptation.

    Oscar Wilde
     
    #18 HankD, Jun 22, 2018
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Loading...