Finding God ... Again

Hi. I've been saved since September of 1997 but I don't feel like it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming God, I know that my relationship with God is dependent upon what I put into it ... He is always there, I'm the one who leaves.

I've had a rough spiritual life. Started off Baptist as a kid, got involved with Catholicism and even Jehovah Witness because of friends. In 1997 I started attending a local Baptist church because I wanted to be a "good" new mother and raise my daughter in church. I was overwhelmed with the realization of how much I needed God and His Son. So I jumped in full force -- joined a Sunday School class, took the New Believer class and even joined the choir.

Well, I ended up moving to another state a few years later. Very rural area so churches were hard to find. Driving around one day, I find a Baptist church about 25 minutes from where I lived. It was small and I wondered about the childrens ministry, being a mother of two young daughters. Well, I took a chance and went inside. I liked what I heard and kept going. The more I went, the more I realized I didn't quite fit in. So, I changed myself to fit in because I was again ON FIRE for the Lord! What an awesome feeling!!

Well, I ended up disenchanted after one year of pretending to be what I wasn't and realizing that if I wasn't this way, I would not be accepted by this group of "Christians" ... so I left the church.

My mother passed away shortly after that and I realized I wanted to be close to family again so after 2 years, we moved again -- back to the State I moved from, just ended up in a different area.

Now, here I am nearly 3 years since moving -- I attend a local Baptist church but I'm just not committed like I was ... I feel so far from God and I even sometimes wonder if what I once believed was ever even true ... does God really exist? Does anyone know how horrible it feels to think such a thing?

I guess what I want to know is has anyone else ever experienced this and if so, how did you get out of it? Should I "fake til I make it"?? I know He's there waiting for me and I feel like such a huge disappointment ... I'm so unworthy of His forgiveness for even having such thoughts ... I know He's real, I've been close to Him before -- how do I get back there ... it's so hard ... I feel like my life is so dramatically different from what it once was, what is going to change the direction?

I really don't know what I'm asking, maybe just confirmation that I'm not alone?

Pray, Pray,Pray. Ask our Lord, the same questions you have asked here in your post and then listen! Read, read, read your Bible. let the scriptures speak to you.

If you believe what the church that you are attending is teaching, then keep attending the church. Be a sponge and let the Word sink in. Fellowship with the people, but at this time you do not need to be committed to working in the church. That will come after you have a closer walk with your Lord and Savior.

And Welcome to the Baptist Board.

It might encourage you to read http://www.bibleteacher.org/Dm118_8.htm

Originally posted by Thankful:
Pray, Pray,Pray. Ask our Lord, the same questions you have asked here in your post and then listen! Read, read, read your Bible. let the scriptures speak to you.

If you believe what the church that you are attending is teaching, then keep attending the church. Be a sponge and let the Word sink in. Fellowship with the people, but at this time you do not need to be committed to working in the church. That will come after you have a closer walk with your Lord and Savior.

And Welcome to the Baptist Board.

Click to expand...

I agree.

I love these verses...
Phil. 4
4Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

6Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.


Katherine from another Floridian!

Start in the Psalms. There are some really good ones in reference to seeking. Pray that He will show Himself to you. But be ready, because He will.

Katherine, there is a book called "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" by Phillip Keller. Get hold of a copy. It is simple, clear reading. By the time you finish you will be loving God again from deep in your heart and not just having the emotional reactions you did before. An excellent book which deals with serving is after that one, by the same author, and called "Lessons from a Sheepdog". Aside from the Bible itself, those two books had more of an effect on my walk with our Lord than anything else ever written. They are simple, they are clear, and they are delightful reading. From the first you come away loving God more. From the second you come away willing to serve Him more as HE directs you -- not necessarily as anyone else directs you!

God bless you. Dry periods make water taste even sweeter. Don't panic, OK?

You are deffinitly not alone. I know I have the same feelings and thoughts even worse than that! I just have a couple scriptures to help with it. one is the word says "If your heart condemns you, God is greater than your heart and knows all things." The very fact that you are concerned about it shows your heart is still tender toward him and not hardened. Also remember what He says in Proverbs 3:5-7 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart 'and do not lean on your own understanding in everything you do acknowlege him and he will make your path strait"
Know this even and especially when we are in these doubting Thomas moments our Lord is in control and Loves us just as much as when we are at our best.
You are not alone, for no temptation will overtake you but what is common to man, and know that these same afflictions are going on in your brothers and sisters, pray for them and encourage yourself in the faith.
The very fact that you are reaching out and looking to the Lord and His elect for encouragement is proof of the Lords working in you.
You truly are precious my friend
austin<><

I so appreciate all the advice and encouragement. Thank you for the scripture, the books and mostly for your love! I intend to pray more, study more and attend church faithfully -- thank you for acknowledging my feelings, I'm so grateful!

I will pray for you Katherine that God will lift your head and help you to get to that point where you really feel that you are growing in Him. There are a number of us here that have been exactly where you are, and it is possible to move on from there and see God work amazing miracles in your life. May the Lord bless and keep you in His arms Katherine!