single man renting an apartment from a widow

Let's discuss the pros and cons(real and perceived) of a single man, who is pastoring a small church, renting a basement apartment (self-sufficient w/kitchen bathroom, entrance, etc.) from an older widow who was married herself to a pastor.
I know in Elisha'as case there is biblical precedent for this!

The man could use an affordable place to live. The lady could use the rental income to supplement a meager existence.

Should the potential for wrongful gossip and it's accompanying potential hindrance to his ministry be enough to not pursue this option?

I guess that takes some thought and prayer. How old would these two be? Sounds like maybe the widow is an older woman.

Let's start by discussing the pros and cons of a single man pastoring a church. That sounds like real trouble to me. Not to mention the whole interaction with the women of the church ALWAYS being under suspect. Doesn't the scriptures say something about being the husband of one wife and ruling his family well? Sounds like an admonition to be married to me.

Originally posted by donnA:
I guess that takes some thought and prayer. How old would these two be? Sounds like maybe the widow is an older woman.

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There's probably 20 years in between them for what it's worth.

whats 20 years give or take a few.

Originally posted by jshurley04:
Let's start by discussing the pros and cons of a single man pastoring a church.

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Let's not, as it would be off topic.
Start your own thread to discuss 'mias gunaikos aner'.I'm sure you'll get plenty of heat and perhaps some light on the issue. Good luck!

Originally posted by jshurley04:
Not to mention the whole interaction with the women of the church ALWAYS being under suspect. Doesn't the scriptures say something about being the husband of one wife and ruling his family well? Sounds like an admonition to be married to me.

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As opposed to a married man's every interaction with women, married or single, NEVER being suspect.
Oh well never mind, even my response will take us off topic. Nice try though

I would say that you discredit two valid points that relate to this discussion very much. And I would be interested in them.

Regarding the OP: I think it would be wrong period for them no matter the age difference because it could not only lend to gossip but could also lend to an improper situation and temptation.

Regarding the Off Subject: I agree and question a single man being a Pastor of a Church. I think that Paul purposely describes the Pastor as the husband of one wife not because of divorce but because of propriety, testimony, service and understanding to the whole congregation. Regarding the other subject I think a single guy would be under even more scrutiny in dealing with women especially single women. Also a single guy can't relate to a large share of his flock by not being married and would lose the opportunity to counsel or minister due to not understanding the situations or difficulties of marriage. Yes married Pastors need to be just as aware in dealing with other women...but as a married man I can counsel women by having my wife in attendance and her awareness of both women adn scriputre is a help during this time. My wife and I are often given credit for a 'mind reading' gift we don't have but by knowing and understanding each other and doing our studying/service together we have come to anticipate each others thoughts. As I move from the Marine Corps into full-time service I'm truly blessed with a wife who wants to be a true helpmate and servant of Christ. Plus I'll make her my secretary so we can fool around too!! (Probably uncalled for but cute none the less )

You better stand tall marine!!! I will wash your mouth out with soap.

Originally posted by Brother Bob:
You better stand tall marine!!! I will wash your mouth out with soap.

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Didn't Barney Fife have a landlady? Although I suppose he wasn't the only boarder! LOL

In the old days, "taking in boarders" was one of the few ways a widow with children, for example, could make ends meet. That, and laundry.

Lots of anecdotes in my family come to mind that I won't bore you with. My grandfather worked in a factory and lived in a boardinghouse. Several other people who were unmarried lived there too.
The landlady did their laundry and served the meals family style. Have you heard of "boarding-house reach"? If the bathtub wasn't a tin tub brought into your room and filled with buckets and kettles every so often, there was ONE, down the hall. Everybody in their own little apartment now shows that society is richer than it was not so long ago.

In other words, it used to be quite common in times we generally consider morally superior to the present. Would your scenario be better or worse if he was not the only boarder?

Karen

Lot of skeletons in the closet back in those days also Karen as well as today.

wait now, didn't the OP stipulate that there was a separate entrance to his place? I know here in Milwaukee we have tons of duplexes like that....old houses renovated into two separate units. If they are separate than I'm not sure I see a problem with the man renting from the lady. It's comparable to them living next door to each other in an apartment complex.

We used to live in a lower unit and a single man in our church rented the upper unit of the same house. Often he and I (and my smaller kids) were both home at the same time when my husband was gone. But it was never a problem because the upper apartment was a separate unit.

Should the potential for wrongful gossip and it's accompanying potential hindrance to his ministry be enough to not pursue this option?

Apart from living at home or in residence, since my school days I have always rented space in private homes, whether a room or a basement apartment. With one or two exceptions, all my landlords have been unmarried women - some never married, some were divorced or widowed.

So I don't see anything unusual about that arrangement. In my experience, those are the people who have rooms to rent - they want to supplement their income with roomers who can help with the house payments. Unless I knew otherwise, I would assume the relationship between landlady and boarder was platonic.

I believe that it can be a dangerous situation and/or temptation for any man. But a Pastor you should be very very far above reproach and above the winds of gossip. There are enough things perceived my those who look for trouble and this situation would just feed into it even more. So I would say NO to any man living like this and even more emphatically to the man who is a Pastor.

On a serious side a Pastor or man of God can very easily be destroyed by false accusations. I think they can murder him in a sense of being above reproach. If you ever cross someone and we do in our everyday lives and in a situation like that then they certainly could destroy you in a small town and probably a large one. It is just reality, may not be right but real.

This sounds like a good thing for both of them. She will probably feel safer that she has a nice person living in her downstairs apartment. The extra income would be a plus . From what I hear pastor's widows don't usually have a lot of income.
I know not all pastors are married but it isn't unheard of and maybe he will find a wonderful woman his age to marry soon...of course then this lady will probaly lose her renter and have to start all over again.Mk

I think since it's an apartment, and not a room in a house, it would be fine. It's not like the pastor would be living with the woman, but would be renting an apartment from her. This situation would be no different if the widow owned a single unit or 100 unit apartment.

Originally posted by Brother Bob:
On a serious side a Pastor or man of God can very easily be destroyed by false accusations. I think they can murder him in a sense of being above reproach. If you ever cross someone and we do in our everyday lives and in a situation like that then they certainly could destroy you in a small town and probably a large one. It is just reality, may not be right but real.

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You are right. There are a lot of gossips in churches and pastors need to cleanse the temple.

Does it make a difference whether or not he was a pastor?
I rented from a divorced lady (Still do actually) before I was married in an apartment that was attached to her house.
Many people seem to think that there should be a higher standard for Pastors than for anyone else and that simply is not Biblical.
In essence, it is generally that there are things that are "ok" for laymen but Pastors just shouldn't do.
This is totally false Biblically.

The higher standard that a pastor must follow is that he can't be guitly of certain things and still be qualified to be a pastor.
A layman shouldn't be guilty of those things either but that doesn't mean he can't come to church just because he has done those things.

The only thing I can see wrong with this is he IS giving someone cause to sin...he is giving busybodies with overactive imaginations an excuse to gossip! ;-)

Does age play a part in these scenarios? I'm a 41-year-old single lady who struggles financially. If I were to rent a room out to a 20-year-old college student, I would feel more like his "mother"... and probably not prone to the gossip otherwise. Now, if he were 45 and handsome, that would be another story. That would definitely be out of the question for many reasons! :tongue3: