From dating to courtship

Sorry, ChurchBoy, you're right, you didn't mention romantic feelings. You did speak of perhaps entering a courtship with this friend, which I interpreted that way. "Oops" on my part.

That's true enough! But you know, there has to come a point at which we disregard church gossip. Yes, yes, "avoid the appearance of evil" is valid, but some people are going to see evil in anything.

 

stubbornkelley,

No need for apology.

I wasn't trying to deny romantic feelings for her, but that deep down I think I DO have romantic feelings for her. Because of my past, I fear rejection, you know the "I like as a friend..." speech. I guess I was fishing for some advice...

 

I agree, Kelly.

 

Whatever term you use, in my opinion it's all about the focus of the relationship. If it is on Jesus, then hopefully you won't enter any relationships that are meaningless and uneventful. What I mean is that, to use myself as an example, I don't need to try to seek a relationship if I don't think it could go somewhere. I also don't need to seek a relationship until I feel I'm ready for marriage. I think that's the gist of Josh Harris's books but I'm not sure

 

I don't supose it matters which you do as long as te focus of the relationship is on God. Dating dosn't have to be bad, and I know some people give it a bad meaning.
I don't consider courting a prelude to marrage, but simply a diffrent way of getting to know each other. My own standards are no touching at all, and chaperoneing at all times, so when I'm old enough to court/date whatever you call it, I would rather do courting. it's not something everyone has to do, but since my own convictions are in line with that, that's what I'd do.
However, don't get into any relationship with an unsaved person, or someone who dosn't share your beleifs. That won't work, and the Bible declairs it so. And even if the person is saved, don't have a relationship with someone unless it's the type of person you would marry.
I've never understood the concept of having a relationship with someone just because they want a boyfriend/girlfriend. That just dosn't make sense to me.
Church Boy, I'm one who beleives God is over all, and knows all. You mentioned you thought you like the girl romaticly, but thought she would reject you. Could I say something? I'm not always the brightest crayon in the box, but I beleive if this young lady is the one God intends for you, she will feel the same. Pray and pray some more for God's will to be done, and wait upon the Lord. I may not know much, but I know God knows everything. He has your future planned and in His hands. Let Him lead, and you can never go wrong!
So whatever ya'll decide about dating/courting, just base it on the Lord. Let Him have pre eminance in your relationships, and He will lead you in the right way. {Proverbs 3:5 and 6.}
NO, I've never dated/courted, so I can't say as I have any experiance there, but I do know you can rely on God's word. It holds the answers for all of lifes problems and questions! Thank the Lord for His precious word!
~Abby

 

Thank you for your words. I have been praying and will contine to pray. I know that ONLY God can give me the wisdom to make the right decision. Sometimes it may be the right person but it my not be the right "season" of one's life. Her life is bit unsettled right now and I am not sure she is at a place in life to enter into a relationship.

 

I know exactly what your talkin about. everytime i try to get serious with a girl i have been friends with first she says she don't see me that way, she see's me as her "BIG BROTHER" figure..

God Bless America
Preston-

 

I believe you should not date someone that you can not see yourself marrying but I have always thought that dating someone under supervision is a bit rediculous after you hit a certain age. We all have to make decisions and while we should be careful with who we date we should not shelter ourselves. There are things that christians do differently and dating should definately be one of them.
Bottom line is I am all for courting (dating someone with intent of marriage) but against courting (dating alone) there are 2 definitions.
Julie Elizabeth

 

Alright now that I proved what an air head I am let me fix what I said I am against courting (dating under supervision) there that is better

 

I know exactly what your talkin about. everytime i try to get serious with a girl i have been friends with first she says she don't see me that way, she see's me as her "BIG BROTHER" figure..

God Bless America
Preston- [/QUOTE]

My personal favorite is the "I like you as a friend.." speech. Women must read that from some dating manual or something.

 

My pastor says that teens should concentrate on making friends.

 

sshhhh dont EVER refer to their manual

It makes it harder for the guys trying to get their hands on a copy - since they change versions if they feel their code is in danger

Of course the lets just be friends and Dear John are old standards - Im still waiting for them to change that part of the non-existent manual

 

Hmm. If a woman likes you as a friend, but doesn't think the romantic side of the relationship is going to work, which would you rather she tell you? I mean, in such circumstances, the "let's just be friends" bit is about the only honest thing she can say. Granted, she can say it in a way that doesn't sound so trite, but still . . .

Now, if she doesn't like you at all, would you prefer she come right out and say that? Or tell you that she just doesn't think it will work out and that she'll see you around town, maybe?

Yeesh. And ya'll say women are never happy!

 

Stubbornkelley,

Thank you for the female perspective...

 

another one is
"I repect you, but..."

the respect thing is a classic, one of the oldest in their books.

 

Actually stubbornkelly I would much appreciate honesty from a Christian female rather then the trite i get spewed at me

Its like as soon as a woman becomes Christian she lacks the abiltity to say I dont like you or Im not interested in you

Since anyone hopefully realizes that any part of a love relationship is friendship

In fact if a women told me I was an ugly, stupid, or not economically or physically sound enough; I would respect her

In fact the few that have - the non-Christians we have become rather good friends.

My ex dumped me because we didnt spend enough time together, but at the drop of anything I would speed over to her house, but she would cancel dates, events, and anything and reasons ranged from hair washing - to I promised someone else first. (straight out of the manual)

Girls if you want a whipped puppy - Im yer man

I try and give creative gifts as well as the standard - white Teddy bears with a gold necklace around its neck

*hint* *hint* to the ladies in Toronto

 

This is for the original question:
I really don't want to get mixed up with all this terminology, but let me say this. Go out and have fun (not sex) with anyone you want, but if you start to feel something for someone in appropriate for marriage, DON'T WALK...RUN!!!
Nobody know if someone is right for them before you get to know each other. Being outside looking in, is alot different then being there first hand. When people run into problems is when they ignore the signs. People don't "fall into bed", and things don't "just happen". There are always sign we just choose to ignore them.
You can't fall into temptation if you stay away from it.
Most importantly, don't be too quick to believe what you are told. Remeber there is two side to every story, and you are just seeing one side of it.
This is for the young guys: All of my best friends have always been male. Yes, I have lost a good few to their misinterpeting a romantic connection. But my one true friend understood, and we are still friends and have been since 1990. He's a great father and was a good husband (his ex was a fool), a wonderful person, but It just wasn't there. I still love him, probably more than a brother. You will make a big mistake if you lose friends thru rejection. Remeber you wouldn't want someone if they aren't totally in love with you anyway!
Christine

 

That makes sense after the "washing her hair" stuff. That is definitely bunk!

I'm not talking about lying, though. I see your point about being brutally honest, but you know, honestly, I wouldn't want a guy to tell me I was ugly or stupid - granted, it would be moot because we'd no longer be together, but he'd lose major points for lack of tact and sensitivity. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would tell me such things anyway. No heartbreak over that, if it were to happen.

But have none of you been in a position in which you did like the girl, but not as a potential mate? So, then what? Do you break off the friendship completely or do you *ahem* try to stay friends?

Thank you! It really burns me when people say things like that. It's completely false. "Oh, I just couldn't stop myself . . . " is code for "I could have, but I didn't want to."

 

You misunderstand the male drive
If Im your friend I can see myself marrying you

its just a matter of how high yer on the list

It really dont matter on your looks except that looks will obviously raise you higher on the list.

However if Im shut down cold - I simply refer to the mathematical expression concerning the amount of time it takes a woman to change their minds - a femtosecond - which is around a fraction of a nanosecond

and Since all men have been raised with the idea that women change their minds constantly and consistently- our one-track minds simply wont allow us the concept of letting women just be friends - Unless told in extremely blunt manner - in that case we respect the female enough that we wish to continue the friendship - and we secretly hope that they will change their mind - although we will not bring anything resembling the pressure that we would on other females.

 

Sorry, but that's funny. I think Harry came up with a similar concept in When Harry Met Sally . . . , but I've only met a few men for whom that seems to be true.