How do I gain self-control?

I must admit that oftentimes I lack self-control. I cannot stop buying coffee, or talking to myself at unpredictable times, or getting angry at irritating noises and cursing. Sometimes I get angry at people and say the wrong thing to them. I also act like a fool in front of people and on the Internet. Besides this, I probably commit a lot of sin which I am not always aware of. How do I gain control of this?

I did not attempt a somewhat sophisticated style in this post because the thoughts did not seem shapeable into it.

The following is not any kind of magic bullet. But does work, being applied.

James wrote, James 3:2, For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.

Jesus warned, Matthew 12:34, . . . for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

So following this Proverb is a working solution, Proverbs 16:3, Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

This is something to remember to do with everything one is going to do. Seems easy enough. But remembering to just to do this with one's every little work.

Guido said:

I must admit that oftentimes I lack self-control. I cannot stop buying coffee, or talking to myself at unpredictable times, or getting angry at irritating noises and cursing. Sometimes I get angry at people and say the wrong thing to them. I also act like a fool in front of people and on the Internet. Besides this, I probably commit a lot of sin which I am not always aware of. How do I gain control of this?

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There is more than one type of self-control.

The things you have listed here are types of "impulse-control". Having a desire to do something and you don't/can't stop.

Most people understand this. I have a temper and a quick mouth that follows it. There are things I have said that I would literally pay money to erase it, but I can't. You buy too many coffees? I buy too many earrings.

Here is some practical advice:

[1] Focus on just one or two at a time. Pick the ones that you feel have the strongest hold on you or the greatest consequence. [Remember Proverbs 25:28 = "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."] Don't try to work on it all at once.

[2] Make a plan when you are NOT desiring them as to how you will avoid it. For example, for a mouth that displays anger. [Remember Proverbs 13:3 - "He who guards his lips guards his life."] Make a plan to mentally count to five before speaking - at all times if need be. Just make a plan.

[3] Do you see a doctor regularly? Talk with him/her about a plan.

[4] A lot of this for a LOT of people is spiritual. Pray to the LORD that he will bind the strongholds in your heart and mind that make your do and desire these things.

[5] This link has TONS of scripture passages, key and practical tips, and prayers to help those needed a boost of self-control. Mastering Self-Control: A Biblical Perspective on Discipline and Virtue · Wisdom International (wisdomonline.org)

God bless and help you, brother.

Guido said:

I must admit that oftentimes I lack self-control. I cannot stop buying coffee, or talking to myself at unpredictable times, or getting angry at irritating noises and cursing. Sometimes I get angry at people and say the wrong thing to them. I also act like a fool in front of people and on the Internet. Besides this, I probably commit a lot of sin which I am not always aware of. How do I gain control of this?

I did not attempt a somewhat sophisticated style in this post because the thoughts did not seem shapeable into it.

Click to expand...

Self control is a goal, we start out with being controlled by non-spiritual things, fleshy desires, worldly values, seeking comfort and security.

1) Controlling our anger is challenging. When I bump my head, or drop something, the urge to express my frustration is often successful. My bad. But we both know that we should control our tongue, speaking in a manner that bears witness to our devotion to Christ. I once saw my son fall a few feet and land on his backside, but he simply looked up at me and smiled. I would have run my mouth. When we really understand the futility of these outbursts, we have entered the road to better control.

2) When I react to my displeasure about the behavior of others by showing my judgemental attitude, I know I am tarnishing my witness. On the other hand, we are to rebuke others and try to turn them toward the paths of righteousness. So it is our motive that betrays us. If we feel contempt or indignation, we are simply behaving like the servant who pleaded for great forgiveness for himself, but then did not forgive but instead condemned another.

3) Yes, we are more wretched than we know. All of us as we follow Christ become aware of more and more of our shortcomings. We are to rest assured, that is a sign of being indwelt, provided we continue to strive to become more like Christ every day. It is a life-long quest!

Guido said:

I must admit that oftentimes I lack self-control. I cannot stop buying coffee, or talking to myself at unpredictable times, or getting angry at irritating noises and cursing. Sometimes I get angry at people and say the wrong thing to them. I also act like a fool in front of people and on the Internet. Besides this, I probably commit a lot of sin which I am not always aware of. How do I gain control of this?

I did not attempt a somewhat sophisticated style in this post because the thoughts did not seem shapeable into it.

Click to expand...

Temperance or self-control is the fruit of the Spirit:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

To have His fruit in our lives, we must be filled with the Spirit. We are filled with the Spirit when we give His Word a rich dwelling in our lives.

Immersing yourself in reading the Bible and meditating in it day and night is a key to Spirit-filled self-control.

Praying Scripture back to God and asking Him to work in your life is also vital.

I have frequently prayed to ask God to make Psalm 19:14 and Psalm 141:3 a reality in my life:

Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Psalm 141:3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.