Originally posted by latterrain77:
]Hi Helen. Thank you for the excellent comments. You will notice from my earlier post, that it referred to those "married with children" - not single moms. Nevertheless, Biblical truths need to be explored to reach the very best possible solution in any given situation. First, please allow me to applaud your outstanding example of intelligent budgeting and wise money management skills. You could sure teach those folks at Enron and Worldcom a thing or two about money management (smile). You will be pleased to know that many of us, like you, have learned to live on a tight budget - some of us with families even larger than your wonderful one!
I respectfully disagree with your comment that "single parenting is equal to the two parent family." I am not interested in emulating "our culture" Helen. I'm interested in elevating it. To a large degree, I do not believe that our "modern culture" is a worthy example of family values at all. It is BEST for a child to have DAD & MOM under one roof (though I acknowledge the existence of the shameful degraded morality and mindstate of many men and women in our modern culture that all too often destroy this GOD sanctioned standard).
I'm sure you would agree that the inerrant Biblical information on this subject is the BEST information on this topic. The Biblical concepts that I suggested should not so much make one feel "guilty" but rather provide the vehicle for Biblical hope to alter an un-Biblical predicament.
I agree that "helping helps." What can be more helpful than the truths found in the Bible? You should not feel criticized as a result of what the Bible plainly states Helen. You should feel enlightened. If you don't agree with a Biblical interpretation that is fine - but then use the Bible itself as your instrument of rebuttal.
Situations similiar to the one you describe, serve to illustrate only part of the suffering that occurs when divorce or seperation strike a family. Yet, the world - and all too often the so called church - eagerly embrace the divorce scenario as a quick and easy option. GOD hates divorce (Mal. 2: 15-16). Any man who does not provide for his family (unless disabled) is an infidel and WORSE than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8). A woman should be a "keeper of the home" (Titus 2: 4-5, 1 Tim. 5: 14). How often does a typical church or pastor discuss these verses? Rarely! How many churches follow the Biblical command found in (James 2: 15-17)? In a typical year 2002 congregation, I am sure many don't - to their shame and humiliation. Most churches pass out the collection plate routinely (1 Cor. 16: 3), but rarely reverse the direction of that money flow back to the congregational members who might need assistance (James 2: 15-17). I hope your experience has been different with your church.
There may be other options to working outside of the home. For example, perhaps a single mom could figure out a way to make a living from the home? (Proverbs 31: 10-31). I recently read an article about a divorced single mom employed at a company (I think it was IBM) whose job enabled her to work from HOME! Many single moms who have followed this model have not only provided for their family, but have been able to stay at home and raise the children too. GOD knows situations. HE mercifully provides opportunities such as this one (perhaps to offset the the dismal church record on divorce and the James 2: 15-17 model).
In closing; it is simply too easy to "feel sorry" for the self, while quasi justifying otherwise un-Biblical alternatives. Often enough, some "moms" WANT to go out of the home to work, rather than stay at home with their children. It's more fun, entertaining, and glamorous (so they think). We have options Helen - GOD PROVIDES them. We simply need to explore them with an open heart and open mind. All the best.
latterrain77[/QB]
Latterrain -- I had to laugh at the misunderstanding. I meant that the NUMBERS of single parent families are becoming about equal to two-parent families, not the quality! I'm sorry I didn't make myself clearer. Nothing can replace a dad and a mom with the kids.
And I also agree that the best option is for mom to be at home with the kids.
And, yes, the Lord does provide many options many times.
But sometimes it is not possible for a mother to be home no matter what. In those cases, we really need to be careful about judging. My family was incredibly supportive, by the way. When our old Toyota van was literally losing pieces on the roadway, my brother and his wife put together $18,000 and GAVE us a new van, one year old, with air conditioning that really worked! I was so stunned I couldn't see for the tears for about fifteen minutes. My oldest son took his scholarship money for college and when our refrigerator, dryer and washer all gave out the same MONTH, a year after their dad left, he bought us new everything. As I recall, he threw in a VCR as well.
On the other hand, we have raised a lot of our own food and have chickens. They provide eggs and manure. We can't eat them because they each (we only have a dozen) have names. You don't eat an animal that has a name!
I look back and I honestly don't know how we did it either. I really don't. It was God's grace start to finish, I know. Somehow the money was there when it was needed. Or gifts. The Safeway manager asked me if I would be the one to pick up the day old stuff every Monday morning and take it to the food kitchen ten miles up the freeway. When I said sure, I would be happy to, he mentioned I should stop by my own home on the way up and unload what we might want or need. That went on for several of the worst years.
We live on an acre that was loaded with oak trees that had to be cut down when we built this house. That gave us firewood for about seven years. We also have LP and a tank, of course, that gets filled by the local gas company. The owner's name is Dan. One winter he noticed by gas bill had skyrocketed and he mentioned that to me. I told him we were out of firewood and actually had to turn the heater on now!
The next time I saw him he had a load of firewood -- over a cord of it -- in his big pickup. He not only delivered it as a gift, he stacked it in the garage. This, keep in mind, decreased his business for the rest of the winter where our family was concerned, to say nothing of the initial outlay for the wood...
I couldn't have done it without friends and family. They were incredible.
Four of the six kids are grown and gone now and I'm a granny! We are not in such desperate straits -- except this week when a new stove top got delivered the day the refigerator sprung a major leak that is way deep inside and we can fix it ourselves, soooooo, I'm sitting here waiting for the refrigerator delivery man now. God bless Sears for interest-free payments for a year! But these replace those my son bought for us so many years ago. The washer and dryer also had to be replaced this past year.
Has anyone else noticed that the life span for a lot of major appliances is about ten years? That's a BUNCH of expense at the end of ten years!
About being taken for granted and used as a free babysitter -- it's probably happened to everyone who has volunteered services at one time or another! People are strange, aren't they? Nevertheless, offering help can be a lifesaver, as my testimony above shows, I think. Watch how far it goes and how it is used and pray for the wisdom to know what to do when the situation appears different from what you thought or when it changes.
Many blessings to all,
Helen
I was sitting in my office one day and I got to thinking about what Elkanah said to his wife, Hanah, in I Samuel 1:8, "...am not I better to thee than ten sons?" My heart was pricked by this. I got to thinking ,well, I would quit work for my children but not for my husband?! 
