Discipline

I tell my boy not to or he'll get spanked and he does it anyway.
Actually I try time out or tell him that he is due a spanking. Then depending on what he did give him a chance to be good. If that fails my belt is almost identical to the one dad used on me.

 

I never use my hand or a weapon (belt, rod, etc.) on my children. Words do much more.
I think they would much rather have the beating than the hour long sermon I preach followed by the hour long Bible study.

The threat of Dad making them feel 2 inches tall plus a lecture has been a deterrence for bad behavior.

 

With my son, I find it best to sit down with him and explain what he did wrong and WHY it was wrong. He is a good little boy and usually one of my speeches does the trick. There are times however, when everything he knows goes right out the window and he needs further discipline, such as being grounded from something or sent to his room.

Now, I have a 2 year old daughter (my son is 6) who may need military preschool the way it looks now. She has deaf ears to the word no and stop. She will push me past my limits time and time again regardless of her punishment. She is a very strong-willed child. When I find out what works with her, I'll let you know!

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Optional:
The threat of Dad making them feel 2 inches tall plus a lecture has been a deterrence for bad behavior.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That’s interesting. Mind sharing the Bible verses you based that on?

 

Would that be spoil the rod and spare the child?
SFL if you find out what works with your strong willed child let me know. I was hoping to have one that didn't require much corporal punishment but it seems to be the only thing that works with him.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Originally posted by Optional:
The threat of Dad making them feel 2 inches tall plus a lecture has been a deterrence for bad behavior.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>
Larry:
That’s interesting. Mind sharing the Bible verses you based that on?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why sure:
Ephesians 6:4
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

 

I'm sorry, Optional, but talking them to death is not what the Scripture is referring to in "the admonition of the Lord". In fact, that is more in line with provoking them to anger.
My brother-in-law talked both his kids to death. Both rebelled & are living godless lives & have married godless people.
If you bully a child continually you are going to have rebellious children.
Speaking clearly to them, insuring they understand what they must & must not do, and following the Proverbs instructions on a swat on the behind, leading to repentance, prayer & restoration do wonders in the heart of the child.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by flyfree432:
How does discipline work in your home?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mom speaks. I listen.
Dad speaks. Mom repeats. I listen.

Is that simple enough?

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by javalady:
I'm sorry, Optional, but talking them to death is not what the Scripture is referring to in "the admonition of the Lord". In fact, that is more in line with provoking them to anger.
My brother-in-law talked both his kids to death. Both rebelled & are living godless lives & have married godless people.
If you bully a child continually you are going to have rebellious children.
Speaking clearly to them, insuring they understand what they must & must not do, and following the Proverbs instructions on a swat on the behind, leading to repentance, prayer & restoration do wonders in the heart of the child.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Whoa...you people are adding to what I said. I never "bullied" them with words. It was always in love and sincerity. I have 3 married children and 6 grandchildren. My son just graduated from Texas Tech and is going back for his masters. These children have turned out extremely well without the "rod."

Why are you relying on a "proverb" from the OT? Can you imagine Jesus hitting one of his children? I don't believe you'll find any biblical support for it in the NT.

Anyway, the proof is in the results. I have 4 children that are saved and in a church are raising my grandkids the same way. I couldn't be more pleased.

 

As far as to what type of disapline works best depends on the child. My parents gave me the best advice I have ever received. They told me to be the parent my child needs not the parent I needed. Hopefully that's what I'm doing. Maybe one day he'll tell me how I did.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Optional:

Why are you relying on a "proverb" from the OT? Can you imagine Jesus hitting one of his children? I don't believe you'll find any biblical support for it in the NT.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hebrews 12:6
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

 

Key to discipline...discipline according to the Word of God and consistency.

When do I discipline...

disrespect
disobedience
dishonesty
irresponsibility

Jane.

 

The type of discipline used depends on the child who is being disciplined! One of my children would have almost literally broken in two if I had spanked him! To this day, his desire is to please me and not get me upset. When he was younger I had to encourage him to go ahead and try new things and adventure a little. He did know how to sneak, but even that would set him shaking. He's got the biggest heart in the world and wants to protect everyone and is now studying to be a fire fighter.

I have another son who was probably spanked almost every day for a couple of years, at least! He is now happily married and the father of three beautiful children.

Both the girls were so social that removing them from social life was vastly more horrible than a spanking, which was over quickly and allowed great drama on the part of the spankee.

My oldest son had the same giving heart as son #3, above, but did get about five or six spankings during his entire growing up time. Taking away his car keys when he was sixteen and disobeyed was the worst for him!

We spanked for specific and defined reasons. At first it was just for beating up on a sibling, manipulative lying (different from the defensive "no, I didn't do it!" sort), or the kind of in-your-face challenge that dared the parent to exert authority.

We added one more reason when son #2 (the one who is married and a daddy now) decided that there was nothing electrical in the house that should not be taken apart. By the time he hit the dishwasher, we had started spanking for dismantling things that weren't his. It didn't stop him totally, but it did slow him down. He was an expensive kid to raise!

Our children were all so different from each other -- we had to treat them that way, and that included discipline.

We tried to make sure the rules were clear at each stage in their lives. I forget where I learned it, but someone once mentioned that rules for kids should have a kind of reverse hour-glass shape. Just a couple when they are two, and adding as needed as they get older. Maximum would probably be about in jr. hi. Those are hard years! Then start to remove rules as they show more and more ability to accept responsibility and ability to discipline themselves and think things through wisely.

Until they are ready to fly -- then the only rules left should be along the lines of "if you are in our home, let us know where you are so we know how to get hold of you if we need to, no smoking, and courtesy to all". Everything else was finally in their ball court.

How did it turn out?
1. Son, 28, still single. Strong Christian and a lead engineer at a computer firm in the R&D dept. Ready to get married now and looking.
2. Son, 25, gainfully employed, happily married, father of 3. Nominal Christian.
3. Daughter, 22, living in rebellion with a man she is not married to and screams at me when she gets the chance. I hung up on her on Christmas day... Son #1's comment about his loved sister right now is, "Well, that's what happens to you when you live with that much guilt."
4. Son, 19, living away from home, in college, working part time. Still wrestling with God.
5. THE Bianca! 17 and fantastic after so many years of being, in her words, 'a dork'. She is a joy and is really showing wisdom in her ability to think things through. Working her way through her own faith and it seems pretty firmly grounded right now and her life is reflecting that.
6. Son -- profoundly retarded due to encephalitis when he was 3. NO discipline works! We watch him like a hawk. He is 17 and always hungry, which is normal, so the refrigerator is locked!

I think we did well with the discipline. I do know that it must be individual to the child. I also know it must be consistent and clearly understood for any positive effect. Some kids respond to talking and some don't. Know your child.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Larry:


Hebrews 12:6
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You're not suggesting this is physical in nature are you?

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by flyfree432:
How does discipline work in your home?

UNP, Adam<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Optional:


You're not suggesting this is physical in nature are you?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You suggested that there was no support for physical punishment, in the NT.
I posted Heb 12:6, so yes I am suggesting just that. Perhaps reading the verse in a little more contexts will help.

Hebrews 12:5-8

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

 

I just ignore the situation until I get really peeved, then I come out hollerin' and screamin' and beatin' the kids until they huddle in the corner of the room quiverin' with fear.

Then I go back to watchin' my TV show.

Oh! I forgot to mention drinkin' my beer!

[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: Aaron ]

 

Oh, puh-leeeeeeeeeeeze!

I remember in my Ed. Psych. class watching some numbskull shock rats in a cage. After several shocks with no relief in sight (though each sought it diligently in each square inch of the cage) the rats turned on each other and started fighting. The conclusion? Spanking makes kids fight.

Talk about your leaps of faith!