mommietosadie,
If the sin of adultery cannot be forgiven of the one who would otherwise seek sexual relationships "on the side" or "in private", or even by rejection of one's faith, as many priests have done, then a whole bunch of us are goin' to hell!
HOWEVER, Scripture says there is but one unforgivable sin and that is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit!
Yes, It is God's plan that marriage should be a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman. And, Yes, it is a sin to have sexual relationships outside the bond of marriage. So what is a person who is young and in the prime of one's life, who finds them self in the situation described to do?
Marry again if that is what you need to do! You and your husband Confess the sin of adultery, receive the forgiveness, repent from sinning, hold true to each other once you are married, it is then no longer a sin. Then Go on and live a happy productive life doing service to your Savior, Jesus Christ!
Once your sin if forgiven, it is forgotten! There is no longer any guilt hanging over you.
BESIDES, and this is very important, Jesus' death on the cross took the sins of the whole world to the grave. Being the sinless one, Jesus then arose to give us life eternal. ACCEPT that life eternal and live in peace content in knowing that your sins are forgiven and never to be held against you again!
HOWEVER, that does not give you license to sin "all the more". So live as holy a life as you possibly can knowing that the one who promised you salvation (eternal life) if you just believe in HIM, is not going to condemn you any more than He condemned the woman caught in the act of adultery by those "Holier than thou's" who were deliberately attempting to entrap Jesus. You saw what happened to them didn't you? They all cowered away, unable to remain the accusers! (that is what some giving advice are doing to you, they are ready to stone you for sinning.) Satan was and is among them, and every time he accuses you, and you are in the presence of Jesus, which you are while you are "in faith", satan backs down because he knows he's defeated in the face of Truth.
So, my advice to you is marry right, and live long, properly in Jesus! He will bless you.
Here is really sound advice:
From the book Intimate Behavior by Desmond Morris (Random House, 1971) as presented on Focus on the Family broadcast, (Dr. James Dobson's excellent radio ministry, by a guest, Dr Donald Joy, professor of Human development at Asbury Theological Seminary, Wilmore, Kentucky.
The 12 steps of intimacy are described below:
1. EYE TO BODY
A glance reveals much about a person--sex, size, shape, age, personality and status. The importance people place on these criteria determines whether or not they will be attracted to each other.
2. EYE TO EYE
When the man and woman exchange glances their most natural reaction is to look away, usually with embarrassment. If their eyes meet again, they may smile, which signals that they might like to become better acquainted.
3. VOICE TO VOICE
Their initial conversations are trivial, and include questions like "What is your name?" or "What do you do for a living?" During this long stage the two people learn much about each other's opinions, pastimes, activities, habits, hobbies, likes and dislikes. If they're compatible, they become friends.
4. HAND TO HAND
The first instance of physical contact between the couple is usually on non-romantic occasions such as when the man helps the woman descend a high step or aids her across an obstacle. At this point either of the individuals can withdraw from the relationship without rejecting the other. However, if continued, hand to hand contact will eventually become an evidence of the couple's romantic attachment to each other.
5. HAND TO SHOULDER
This affectionate embrace is still noncommittal. It is a "buddy" type position in which the man and woman are side-by-side. They are more concerned with the world in front of them than they are with each other. The hand to shoulder contact reveals a relationship that is more than a close friendship, but probably not real love.
6. HAND TO WAIST
Because this is something two normal people of the same sex would not do, it is clearly romantic. They are close enough to be sharing secrets or intimate language with each other. Yet, as they walk side-by-side with hand to waist they are still facing forward.
7. FACE TO FACE
This level of contact involves gazing into one another's eyes, hugging and kissing. If none of the previous steps were skipped, the man and woman will have developed a special code from experience that enables them to engage in deep communication with very few words. At this point sexual desire becomes an important factor in the relationship.
8. HAND TO HEAD
This is an extension of the previous stage. The man and woman tend to cradle or stroke each other's head while kissing or talking.
9. - 12. THE FINAL STEPS
The last four levels of involvement are distinctly sexual and private. They are:
9.) HAND TO BODY,
10.) MOUTH TO BREAST,
11.) TOUCHING BELOW THE WAIST and
12.) INTERCOURSE.
Obviously, the last three steps of physical contact should be reserved for the marital relationship, particularly since they are immensely and progressively emotional.
Couples contemplating marriage should make their courtship a long one, Dr. Joy said. They should proceed slowly through the first levels of physical bonding and allow the last steps to take place after the wedding. It is a mistake to rush the relationship or skip steps and become intimate quickly, he warned. Impatience can damage intimacy and reduce the possibility of a solid, enduring union.
