Okay, so I am a Calvinist now ...

Hey, if there were anything funny about me I would laugh at it. Really, I would. I promise.

 

1st..there is a joke tread...this is Theology...but i'll go as long as they let me.

2nd
lets see..i just counted.

we have 9 would be Calvinist posting jokes and or laughing with you.

and we have 4 freewill loving folks posting....
2 of these making jokes....2 with no jokes. you do the numbers...freewillers are better then I with numbers.

Even in the jokes...Calvinist are told what to do by freewill loving people....

Aaaw wait. Now I understand. We are told what we believe, what we need to post, what we "really mean"....for we are robots. ok..go it

we are just going though the progamming time right now.

Mother may I tell a joke???

Tell me..what church it is?
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1st Church..
Next week we will take up the plan of salvation in that man must be either Naturalists or Supematuralists; Supematuralists either Sacerdotalists or Evangelicals; Evangelicals either Universalistic or Particularistic; Particularists must be particularistic with respect to only some or with respect to all of God's saving operations.

2nd Church...
Next week we will be voting on our new lazer light show at the cost of $75,000 and next years new missions budget set at $6,000.

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1st Church..
For todays message, turn to Romans

2nd Church...
For todays message turn to John 3: 16

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1st Church...
In closing the service today lets state our creed to remind us of the doctrines we hold dearly, while sister Jane plays "God of our Fathers".

2nd Church...
In closing..if you love your mother, raise your hand. Oh goody!! Now sign the salvation card in front of you.

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1st Church...
We hold the doctrine of not just Calvin, but Whitefield, Spurgeon, BB Warfield, Lonnie York, John Owen, John Gill, Martin Luther, John Newton, AA Hodge, Charles Hodge, CD Cole, John Bunyan, John Brown, Arthur pink, JI Packer,Randy Booth, Jack Van Deventer, William Cox, Charles D Alexander, Tom Boston, G C Morgan, Ernest Reisinger, Don Fortner, JC Ryle,James M Boice to list just a few.

2nd Church..

WOW.. well...aah...Turn in your Bibles to John 3:16

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1st Church...
We had our 5th new family join the church this year..

2nd Church..
OK..now we are talking..we have had 278 this year ALONE...yeah baby!!!

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1st Church...
278???.....Turn in your Bibles to Romans...

2nd Church.....
And now we have 18000 all together!!!!

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1st Church...
In the 2nd chapter of Romans...

2nd Church...
hehe

 

Jarthur001 said"We hold the doctrine of not just Calvin, but Whitefield, Spurgeon, BB Warfield, Lonnie York, John Owen, John Gill, Martin Luther, John Newton, AA Hodge, Charles Hodge, CD Cole, John Bunyan, John Brown, Arthur pink, JI Packer,Randy Booth, Jack Van Deventer, William Cox, Charles D Alexander, Tom Boston, G C Morgan, Ernest Reisinger, Don Fortner, JC Ryle,James M Boice to list just a few."

I know it was a joke, but everyone should know that G Campbell Morgan was not a Calvinist
(although he did appoint a 5PC as his successor) Doctrinally, G.C.M shouldn't be lumped in with these other guys. He would be with AW Tozer, FB Meyer, DL Moody, RA Torrey, AT Pierson, James Gray, etc.

 

Don't you wish.

 

JohnB,

I'm not sure if "someone" will let me reply without getting mad, but I know of no other way to address you.

Where as G C Morgan was not a Calvinst in all 5 points, he was a 4 pointer. Calvinist as it turns out are not programed robots, but have thoughts and views of their own. Some only hold to 3 points and I have heard of 7 pointers. Being that as it may, Calvinist do like many of Morgans books. He did not hold to limited atonement, but not all Calvinist do. As a Calvinist, he did not preach hard on the subject. Yet let it be known he was a Calvinist. I can give you many post to show this. Also, you will see him quoted by many Calvinist. That being said, i'm sure others liked him as well. I only have 2 books by him, yet my pastor loves him. Below please find a clip from his book...something you will not find a real freewiller saying who only speaks of Gods love.

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Leaving every other reference we come face to face with the Lord Himself. There are many people who think of Him only in the way in which the children's hymn describes Him:

Gentle Jesus, meek and mild.

Now, while that is perfectly true concerning Him, it is not all the truth. No Prophet in the Old Testament said things so startlingly severe as Jesus did. He said, for instance, concerning those whom we teach to sing that hymn, that rather than offend a little child it would be profitable that a millstone should be hanged about the neck, and that we should be drowned in the depths of the sea……

It was because of this that Jehovah said: "Behold, I am against thee." God is seen, then, as angry because the ruler of a people had lifted himself against the will of God, and this had produced the brutalizing effect upon the people, so that they had become oppressive and cruel, bringing misery and destruction wherever they came. Thus the anger of God was in the interests of others, those who were oppressed, those who were downtrodden, those who were wronged. Let us repeat that the anger of God became active against this city after long patience, and when the case had become hopeless: "There is no assuaging of thy hurt, thy wound is grievous." The cup of iniquity was so full that there were no comforters when Nineveh was over thrown. All nations agreed with the righteousness of the activity of the wrath of God.

When God acted thus in wrath, His action meant complete destruction. This is poetically described by the Prophet, and it is well to repeat and to remember that the poetic description found in Nahum has become actual history in the course of time. We are familiar with the historic account outside this Biblical prediction of what happened. Diodorus Siculus had prophesied that Nineveh would never fall until the river became its enemy. There came a time when during an attack the river broke its banks, and washed away the walls for twenty stadia. Through that breach the attacking forces swept in, and Nineveh was destroyed. Whereas historians on the earth level might speak of the unfortunate coincidence of the river overflowing its banks when it did, we know from this inspired account that it was the act of God. He used the river.

We inquire, then, what this message has to say to us concerning God. The first fact is that to believe in the love of God is to be quite sure of His wrath. Love can be angry under certain conditions, indeed it must be angry. It is impossible today to be complaisant in the presence of the misery, the bloodshed, the brutality, the cruelty manifested, and if we are complaisant, we may be sure that God is angry. Whenever or wherever humanity is wronged and spoiled, the anger of God is not only aroused, it becomes active. We may fittingly remind ourselves in this connection of words of our Master: "Woe unto the world because of occasions of stumbling! for it must needs be that the occasions come; but woe to that man through whom the occasion cometh!"

The prophecy of Nahum reveals with startling clarity the sins against which the wrath of God proceeds. The first is that of pride, the lifting up of the heart in self satisfaction, due either to the ignorance of God, or the putting Him out of account. With that God is ever angry, because of the results it produces. Moreover, His wrath always becomes active in the presence of cruelty in any form. That anger is increased where, in spite of patience, there is still impenitence:

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No that was not Jonathan Edwards..it was in fact Morgan.

Now..to be clear..Moran did use the "loveless" in place of "hate" in Romans 9 as freewillers do. Yet he held to election as Calvin.

BTW I also like and do read Tozer, Meyer, DL Moody and Torrey. I do not know of AT Pierson. The truth is, I never heard of him. James Gray i do not care for, if its the same Gary I'm thinking of. He is weak in doctrine and full of feelings. Is this the guy?

In Christ..James


now...back to making fun of my doctrine

 

James,

I do not see where that quote indicates an Arminian or a Calvinist bias. Do Arminans deny a wrathful or just God?
I have no doubt that Morgan wrote it, and I have no doubt he was Arminian.

Here is a quote from a bio sketch of his successor, Martyn Lloyd-Jones: "Campbell Morgan personified the evangelical tradition after Spurgeon. He was an Arminian and his Bible exposition, though famous, did not deal in the great doctrines of the Reformation. Martyn Lloyd-Jones was in the tradition of Spurgeon, Whitefield, the Puritans and the Reformers. Yet the two men respected each other's positions and talents and their brief partnership, until Campbell Morgan died at the end of the war, was entirely happy."
http://www.graceonlinelibrary.org/articles/full.asp?id=38%7C%7C579

Also, he made this statement regarding Ephesians 1: "May God deliver us from taking so great, so stupendous and sublime and far-reaching a vision of the wisdom which transcends our finite theory, in order to formulate a doctrine that God has chosen a few people to be saved and left the rest to be damned. That is an unwarranted deduction."

Doesn't sound Calvinistic to me.
GCM believed in election, as do all Arminians, but he believed it was based on foreknowledge, not foreordination.

You also might want to check his comments on Hebrews 6. He did not hold to perseverance or eternal security but, like Wesley, believed Christians could apostasize and fall away.

 

AAG,

I would have congratulated you on your uncanny humor and wit, except that none of them were all that funny. Except for this one, which made me chukle a little:

I can replace my Purpose-Driven life book with John Owen's Mortification.

But the rest weren't really humorous, at least to me. And it's not that I can't laugh at myself. I've seen plenty of geniunely funny stuff that pokes fun at Reformed folk, but yours isn't among it. I love to laugh at myself - it's one of my favorite pastimes. I guess that shows my old nature and how self-focused I can be.

 

O.k., here would be a funny one:

So now that I'm a Calvinist, my soul is racked in a constant battle on whose music is better - Derek Webb or Charles Wesley?

I won't ruin it by trying to explain it, but it is subtle humor (if you are familiar with the music and theology of both).

 

I agree. There is also an arrogance that comes along with it that keeps them from laughing at themselves.

Oh, and my theology is very calvinistic. But I see the above pretty clearly.

I found the Al Mohler and Markk Dever comment funny I do really enjoy their work, but they are not my heroes.

 

LOL! I think free-willers take Calvinists too seriously.

 

You mean you are just kidding and don't mean what you say?

 

Now that's funny.

 

Hello JohnB,

I'm not going to fight over what camp Morgan was in. If you want to take him off the list..fine with me. But still let it be known Calvinist do like him and read Him and call him one of theirs. You disagree...No big deal.

I'm not trying to mislead you...below is a clip to show this..

http://www.propadeutic.com/faith/authors/recentref.html

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Also, if you have time read this below..wrote by morgan. I think this will anwser somethings for you. You asked me to read his book on Hebrews. I do not have it. I have only 2 books by him. I'm sure you know more then me about him.
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On a message about the Cross….

Now, the Apostle says, "Who is against us?" "Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect?" "Who is he that shall condemn?" "Who shall separate us?" Notice the questions again, and notice them as they are set against the great declaration.
First, "If God is for us, who is against us?" How, do I know God is for me? He gave His Son. There is no other demonstration. If you doubt the Cross you have no proof that God is for us. If you lose the sight of the Cross, and do not hear its message of the Divine good will and favor' there is nothing in Nature to show you God is for you. Nature is red in tooth and claw. We are told sometimes that it is kind, and so it is if we are kind to it; but offend it, break its laws, and it will crush you with merciless severity.
And this also is a merciful provision, for the crushing of anything effete is good for the things that remain. God by salvation has not come to save effete things as effete things. He has come to save things from effeteness and make them new. Nature will laugh in sunshine on the face of your dead child; there is no message in Nature that tells you that the God behind it cares for you.
But this man, weak and frail, suffering the loss of all things, the pity of all worldly-minded souls, says God is for him. How does he know? "He spared not His own Son." That is the infinite proof. The Cross is the revelation of the Divine interest. If I have that Cross, there God has given, in the mystery of that dying, His own Son, and I am prepared to challenge all the universe. "Who can be against me?"
As I learn the lesson and repeat the challenge there will come into it, not merely a tone of challenge, but the tone of contempt for everything that is against me. Circumstances are against me; let them be! God is against the circumstances! Another man says, My parentage is against me. God becoming your Father cancels the evil inheritance with which you entered into life.
But these are things of to-day. What lies beyond? I do not know. What infinite forces will be born in the new ages, the ages that will come fresh as the morning from the wisdom of God? What forces may be born with new principalities and new powers? Perchance some of them will be against me. It does not matter, they will be born of God, and God is for me, and the man who stands by the Cross of Jesus and knows that that, is God's gift for his redemption knows that nothing can emerge out of the endless ages, or gather from infinite spaces, that can harm, because by that Cross he knows God is for him. Who can be against us?
As to accusation, "Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth." We must interpret this word of the Apostle by his previous use of the word in the same argument. How does God justify? "Being, therefore, justified by faith . . . we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through Whom also we have had our access by faith into this grace wherein we stand; and . . . rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Who shall lay anything to my charge? It is God that justifies me. How? By that Cross of Jesus. You may lay to my charge what you will. You may see in me the imperfection that contradicts your sense of law. I am talking in imagination to the principalities and powers which may be created fifty millenniums hence. God has justified me by the Cross, which does not mean for one single moment that He has covered and excused my sin, but by the infinite mystery of the pain borne in that Cross, He has made my sin not to be, canceled it, put it away, and in this justification God acts, not out of pity, but on the basis of eternal justice and righteousness.
I challenge all the accusers. Who are you? Lay your accusation. Yes, it is true, perchance even in the holy service of to-day, perchance even in the service of the ages to come, there will be the falling short somewhere. I do not mean wilful sin. Do you not know that God charges the angels with folly? When I measure my service, even in the infinite hereafter, by the compulsion and propulsion and constraint of the Infinite love, I think that we shall always have to cast our crowns at His feet and say, "Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto Thy name give glory." If someone shall lay a charge against me that the thing is not as high as it ought to have been, then in the infinite ages the Cross of the Christ abides, God's eternal provision, so that none can lay anything to the charge of such as He shall justify.
Or again, "Who is he that shall condemn?" "It is Christ Jesus that died, yea rather"—hear the music of it, if death were all, the condemnation would abide—"yea, rather, that was raised from the dead," and in the mystery, and miracle, and marvel of that resurrection there is the demonstration of the truth that the dying was efficacious, that in the dying He accomplished the purpose of His heart, in the dying He put guilt away and bore sin so that I need bear it no more. "Who shall condemn?" The soul, afraid of possible condemnation, hides again in the cleft of the rock, and points to the Cross and the empty grave, and says for evermore, By virtue of that Cross and that empty tomb, there can be no condemnation to the trusting soul.
Once again, "Who shall separate us?" Paul always seems to me, at this stage, as though he had climbed to some great height and was looking out on all the dimensions. "Death," he puts that first, because that is what men are so often afraid of as a separating force. "Life," which is far more likely to separate us than death, even though men do not fear it. "Angels, principalities," the whole world and universe of created intelligences. "Things present-things to come," in simple sentences he sweeps through all the ages. "Powers, height, depth."
Notice carefully this final phrase-"nor any other creation, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Did you notice the Apostle's outlook on all these things? "Death?" That is a creation. "Life?" That is a creation. "Angels" and "principalities?" Creations. "Things present?" Creations. "Things to come?" Creations. "Powers?" Creations. "Height?" Creation. "Depth?" Creation. All had issued from God. How can created things separate me, says the Apostle, from the Origin of the created things, seeing I am bound to Him through the work of Jesus, His own Son? I cannot be separated by things created by the Creator, for the Creator has bound me to Him by giving His Son, and brings me back with His Son into eternal union with Himself. "Who shall separate me?"
Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness?My beauty are, my glorious dress;?'Midst flaming worlds, in these arrayed,?With joy shall I lift up my head.
Bold shall I stand in Thy great day;?For who aught to my charge shall lay??Fully absolved through these I am?From sin and fear, from guilt and shame.
When from the dust of earth I rise,?To claim my mansion in the skies,?Ev'n then, this shall be all my plea,?Jesus hath lived, hath died for me.
Jesus, be endless praise to Thee?Whose boundless mercy hath for me-?For me, a full atonement made,?An everlasting ransome paid.
0 let the dead now hear Thy voice;?Now bid Thy banished ones rejoice;?Their beauty this, their glorious dress,?Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness.
The Cross of Jesus, the rough Roman gibbet, brutal Cross so far as man had anything to do with it; the Cross of nineteen hundred years ago, which was the manifestation of the great mystery and passion by which God redeems men, that Cross flames with a glory far greater than is needed to illumine the little while, and the here and the now. Its light fills all the universe; its glory rests on all the coming ages. At its birth every new-born age will be baptized in the infinite light that streams from the Cross of Christ. I do not know what they will have in them. One of the joys of the contemplation of the hereafter is that God is infinite in wisdom and power, and my own consciousness of eternal existence becomes bearable as I remember that there can be no monotony with God, always new ages, always new creations, always new manifestations of the one Eternal, incomprehensible Being Whom I call God.
And I do not know what, or how, how long, how brief, how great, how simple. But this I know, that by the Cross I have been brought into the love of God even though I was a sinner; and this I know that nothing He creates can ever separate me from Him Who does create. I know it by the Cross. "No man hath seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, He hath declared Him." When? By the way of the Cross. Men may know the exceeding power and wisdom of God if they study Nature, but they never find His heart.
There is only one way in which men find that—by the way of the Cross. But when a man comes that way, he comes at last to the point where he can write such a chapter as the eighth of Romans, and looking out from the midst of conscious weakness, out into the infinite spaces, as the questions throb through the mind, "Who? . . . who? . . . who?" He can answer them all with a quiet, calm assurance.
A man at the Cross challenges all attack, all accusation, all condemnation, all separation, and ends in the glorious declaration that none can be against, none can dare accuse, that none can condemn, that none can separate.
In conclusion, let me ask, what is the law of appropriation? There is no specific law of appropriation here; this aspect of promise leans back on God and the work accomplished in Jesus. Yet there is a law of appropriation; it is that of the realization of all that we have spoken of before. If I have never been to the Cross for its pardon, if I know nothing of the purity of consciousness that comes by it, if I am not now at peace with God, and within myself, therefore, if I know nothing of the power of the Cross in this life of probation, then the Cross brings me no promise, but condemnation.
The Cross of Jesus brings me all light, or banishes me to all darkness. Our fathers used to preach about the sin of rejecting Jesus. We do not hear very much about that to-day. And yet, believe me, it is the sin of all sins, it is the sin against the Holy Ghost. There is no sin so deep, so heinous, so awful as that. If I will not have its pardon, or its purity, or its peace, or its power, I cannot have its promise. Then if I ask this question, Who is against me? a myriad forces of evil charge on me to destroy me. If I ask, Who is he that lays anything to my charge? the great accuser stands before me and before God. If I ask, Who is he that shall condemn? the very God of love that would redeem, condemns. If I ask, Who shall separate me? I am separated by my own choice; and the question now becomes, Who can unite me? There is none can unite me if I reject the Cross of His dear Son.
Then let us rather come to the Cross, and in submission yield to its claim, and so receive its blessings.
Beneath the Cross of Jesus?I fain would take my stand—?The shadow of a mighty Rock,?Within a weary land;?A home within the wilderness,?A rest upon the way,?From the burning of the noontide heat,?And the burden of the day.
O safe and happy shelter,?O refuge tried and sweet,?O trysting place where heaven's love?And heaven's justice meet!?As to the holy patriarch?That wondrous dream was given,?So seems my Saviour's Cross to me,?A ladder up to heaven.
There hes beneath its shadow,?But on the farther side,?The darkness of an awful grave?That gapes both deep and wide;?And there between us stands the Cross,?Two arms outstretched to save,?Like a watchman set to guard the way?From that eternal grave.
Upon that Cross of Jesus?Mine eye at times can see?The very dying form of One?Who suffered there for me;?And from my smitten heart, with tears,?Two wonders I confess,-?The wonder of His glorious love,?And my unworthiness.
I take, O Cross, thy shadow?For my abiding place;?I ask no other sunshine than?The sunshine of His face:?Content to let the world go by,?To know nor gain nor loss—?My sinful self my only shame,?My glory all the Cross.
The Cross is God's giving, and the proof of His giving. His giving, "He spared not His Son." The proof of His giving, "Shall He not freely give us all things?"
The Cross is the place of my receiving. I look back, and the Cross brings me pardon. I look within, and the Cross brings me purity. I look up, and the Cross brings me peace. I look around, and the Cross is the Word of power. I look on and out at the infinite and unknown possibilities of eternity, and the Cross is the message of promise. Here and now, as I know my own life, as I know my own heart, I have no hope for to-day or to-morrow, for life or death, for time or eternity, but in the Cross of my Saviour. I have that hope, for
In the Cross of Christ I glory,?Towering o'er the wrecks of time,?All the light of sacred story?Gathers round its head sublime.
When the woes of life o'ertake me,?Hopes deceive and fears annoy,?Never shall the Cross forsake me:?Lo! It glows with peace and joy.
When the sun of bliss is beaming?Light and love upon my way:?From the Cross the radiance streaming?Adds more luster to the day.
Bane and blessing, pain and pleasure,?By the Cross are sanctified;?Peace is there that knows no measure,?Joys that through all time abide.?***************

In Christ...James

 

I'm not sure why or how those "?" were placed in the post. Sorry about that..

 

James,
Thanks for the post.
I have no desire to fight over the body of Moses either.
Just pointing out a factual error.
And I am certain that your error is an honest one.

I also agree that Calvinists can enjoy and benefit from Morgan. Likewise, Arminians can all benefit by reading his theological opposite and successor, Martyn LLoyd-Jones.

 

I think maybe I will join “All about Grace” and think about being a Calvinist; AAW dog gonnit!, this could take some getting use to, I know I was predestined to think about it.

Yeah, me too, I want to be a Calvinist and laugh about it, I think I was predestined to maybe be a laughing Calvinist.

WOW! New insight, I mean old insight! What a special touchy feeling to be specially made by God, and to be picked out of the line up before-during-after??? creation and not to be one of those unprivileged sorts with no chance, aw, peradventure perchance? Is “chance” even a word? NEVER mind!

I’m so glad that God would predetermine I would be one of those select few that could now understand exactly how His perfect knowledge must work and perfectly fit it to my (Calvin’s) true salvation doctrine within time so I can be absolutely sure I was pre-elected from before the foundation of the world to be elected when the foundation was founded, I think? Well, at least I think I think?

No more hoping for us baby, we are saved by Calvinist gospel assurance, but remember assurance that is not seen is not assurance: for what a man doesn’t seeth, doth he getteth? But if we have the Calvinist assurance, then working out our salvation in fear and trembling like those free-willers would cause anxiety impatience; We have been pre-assured of our pre-adoption by election of pre-adoption in being already adopted in the CG (Calvinist gospel), Amen?

Welcome to the “good ol boy’s club” All for Grace, I’m glad we could finally find peace and figure this out, OOPS!!!, I mean I’m glad God predetermined that we would figure it out and be able to laugh about it-if we were actually able to have a change of heart and figure it out that is.

 

Humor isn't as easy as it looks.