Nag Nag Nag

My mother was a nag and it drove me crazy. I do not nag, but then if I ask once and it isn't done I do it. If I can't, well it doesn't get done.

 

Diane --

You are absolutely right.

You, too? That was also my influence!

When my daughter was a teen, her friend was my
friend's daughter, and they had several children.
There would be times when I would be over at
their house, and dread of all dreads, one of the
children, all teens, would do something wrong.
Everyone, including guests, would have to sit in
silence as he droned on and on and on.

And on . . .

And on!!

It was like he had his captive audience, and he
used this time to preach! He would reprimand,
then preach, then quote Scripture, then reprimand,
then threaten, then preach, then gripe, then go on
about the last time, then preach, then talk about
when one of the other children had done the same
thing, then preach at that one, then back to the one
for that day. . . .

Okay. No kidding. These lectures lasted for over
an hour at times!

It was very embarrassing to me, as a guest. I was
embarrassed for him and for everyone in the house.
I didn't go over very often. :-|

 

Diane,

I don't think it's a matter of my husband doesn't love me like "I so richly deserve." Christ commanded men to love their wives like their own selves. He loved the church and gave himself for it. To be greatest is to be a servant. If a man is to be the head he must lead. How do they do that? How about being first in setting the example. Do as I say and not as I do just doesn't work.

Too many men just want to dictate and be served. They dethrone Christ and set themselves on that throne where Christ belongs.

They patronize and listen to your opinion and then do what they prefer. Not what's best but what they want. The truth is most Christian men I know meet their own desires before the needs of the family. Seen many boy toys? You know the costly ones?

I see women's lib blamed for the high rate of divorce, yet the men weight their wives down with the majority of work and let them deal with contentious people, forcing them to lead even in all the care and teaching of the children. Most wouldn't even change a diaper. But if a friend or neighbor ask, they always have time for them.

Ruling your house well does not mean dictator, to the wife or kids. It means leading in love as Christ leads us. A man need to show self control first. How many honor their wife as the weaker vessel?

They would never think to say some of the cutting remarks to a friend or even an aquaintance that they say to their wives. Most women I know love to serve and if shown some affection and love they will do anything for that man.

How many in depth studies have you seen or sermons have you heard on a man loving his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. I just found a study that addresses that issue and couldn't believe what this man said. Totally the first time I heard in depth how men should love their wives. That is a tall order and many christian men fall way short.

On the other hand how much do you hear on what the wife should be doing. How many studies? The high christian divorce rate is not all the women's fault. Where are the men and what were they doing?

Before someone blasts me, I want to say there are good Christian men who set a Godly example and love their wives as Christ loves the church. There are just too many who don't.

 

Thanks Diane,

I forgot the silliness. Sorry I get serious real fast. Ok, I don't nag for things not done and he doesn't nag for the things I have done. really, your husband doesn't TELL you to do anything, does he... he nicely requests right?

Where did you get the long nose Bill thingy?

 

When my husband nags, he sounds just like his mother. When I nag, I sound just like him.

 

Unless his mother nagged him a lot when he was a teenager...then the wife would be safer taking a stroll on the freeway in rush hour traffic.

Men nag woman about what they fear they might do. They rant, scold and make the wife feel dying would be less painful about what they did.

 

LOL From an OLD OLD OLD Rush Limbaugh page! LOL
http://www.cise.ufl.edu/~phandel/old/rush/

 

What do you mean "NAG"! I don't nag! My mother doesn't nag! And I've seen you tring to imatate me... Now that's a joke!

But! Olive on the other hand... When she nags, I listen the best way I know how...

 

I think Diane is right. With all my husband knows about me, has seen me at my worst before I was a christian,and not alwasy great now, and he still loves me anyway. Now thats something, I feel honored to be loved like that.
If you want to be greatly loved, you have to love the same way, knowing you do not deserve to be loved at all.

 

Elnora, the same verses that tell husbands to love thier wives also tells wives to respect their husbands. We need to remember that.


WS, when a wife has to be affraid of her husband theres a problem. When a christian man acts like that he is not loving in a Christ like manner. Not all men are like the ones you and Elnora describe.


I thank God my husband is dedicated to Jesus, he would never think of treating me like what WS and Elnora have described. Nor would I treat him like that. We love and respect each other. The more immersed we become in Jesus the better our marriage is.

 

So far I've successfully avoided marriage, but once I do get hitched I don't think I'd be prone to nagging. Actually, I'd probably be more likely to have the reverse problem of not being involved enough. I'm used to being alone and thinking only of myself. I hope that by the time I do marry I'll be better qualified to be a good husband.

 

My mother was a nagger too and she had a VERY critical spirit and I picked up on it. I am trying to overcome being like that...but it is hard. I have to catch myself all the time before I spout something I'll regret.

WHICH CAME FIRST?

1) If you'd stop nagging me I would get it done.
2) If you'd have done it the first time I asked, I wouldn't HAVE to nag.

One thing about our marriage. I think everything is MY fault and HE thinks everything is HIS fault, so there are a lot of "I'm sorrys" and a lot of forgiveness in our home.

Love is making it easy for your mate to live with you.


I'm not perfect...just forgiven.

 

I don't have a problem with respect. My point was that women are told and told and taught how to be good wives. It gets pounded home. I rarely hear anything taught to the men. I always believed one earns respect. If a man is following Christ why wouldn't she respect him unless she is just evil or in rebellion against God. I personally think men are great. I have a very healthy outlook on men. My dad was one of the greatest examples. So don't think I am bashing men. I just see way too many Christian men who don't treat their wives the way they should.

 

Well Nomad,

The good thing is you recognize that you think of your self. Even when we are not married it is always better to put others first. Not just for them but it gives meaning to our lives to serve.

Christ was our greatest example. He laid down his very life as an example for us.

 

Elnora, while it is true too many christian men do not know how to threat their wives(and this board has a fine example of that in some of what I've seen men say here), when the bible tells us to respect our husbands it does not give a way around it,no loop holes, like if they are not christian, or if they do not deserve it. We are to respect our husbands, whether they are christians or not, whether they deserve it or not.
When we are so ready and willing to publically put our husbands down I have to wonder if we have respect for them at all. It's one thing to discuss marriage problems, or the problem of having an unbelieving husband, but to just announce his faults and all he does wrong is different.

 

Hey thanks for the lesson. That answered my question. It had nothing to do with the subject but ok. So maybe someone else can answer why women get taught and chastized and taught some more. Still waiting to hear a sermon or lecture to the men.

 

Elnora, I was addressing what you wrote, nothing more, so it wasn't me who choose that topic.

 

Maybe if you were more specific about what you mean by taught and chastised, and men not being taught.

 

Donna,

You addressed what I wrote but assumed it was my husband. I didn't say my husband. I said many Christian husbands. I don't know how I can get more specific. If you go back through the posts. I said I don't have a problem with respect. I pointed out I was not bashing men. I like men. Actually I like them a lot. But I have observed that it is rare to hear any teaching about how a man is to love his wife. Whenever the subject is brought up I don't hear any input or one thing about the men.
On the other hand women jump in when the question is ask and start telling women what they need to be doing. There are classes and books and more telling what we should do. I know what we should do. I didn't ask what we should do. I ask why the men aren't taught to love their wives like Christ loved the church. I gave examples of my observations.
I don't know how from my post or Wisdom Seekers that she is afraid of her husband or that I was disrespecting mine. I was asking why men are rarely taught the way they should love their wives, as Christians and my observations of some of the problems I see. Obviously from the divorce rate among Christians there is a big problem. With all due respect, after you last post where you assumed the worst, if Wisdom Seeker really is afraid of her husband I doubt very much she ask for advise about it now. I pray that she isn't afraid and if she is that she can go to someone without being scared to ask an honest question or seek help.