Spanking?

No! In fact, if you wait any longer, then it will be hard for it to be effective.

BTW, I see you're from Kingsport! I'm a native of Johnson City.

Julia

 

I use spanking only to get my daughter's attention when nothing else will work. Only one swat, on the butt. It never fails. I don't use it for a punishment.

 

[ September 12, 2002, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Multimom ]

 

I have a 2 yr old grandson who laughs when he's swatted on the butt. I advised my daughter to swat him again, then stand back and watch him. One swat at a time until he stops laughing. Once he realizes it's not funny, you've made your point.

I hate to disagree with the previous post, but I personally feel that swatting on the butt SHOULD be used for punishment, not 'attention getting'. If I want to get a child's attention, I'll talk to them ... or even making eye contact (getting right up in their face) is good for that.

 

Children test their boundaries much earlier than they can equate a spanking to the wrong doing.

A child before the age of 2 can not make the connection. A spanking before the age of 2...won't have the desired effect of detering them from wrong doing for the right reasons later.

I know of lots of people who believe that spanking should start as early as 6 months... these children usually are filled with fear. And while fear seems to be a great motivator... I think that a real sense of right from wrong... comes with slightly more maturity than a 6 month old can muster. They usually can't even sit up at this age.

When you can explain the connection between wrong doing and the punishment. And they can understand the connection it can be a useful tool.

I will also add... with some children you can spank them until you are blue in the face...and it will make little difference in their actions or their repentant heart...while with others you can suggest a spanking...and that is all it takes...for a turn about face. Not all children respond to spanking as a punishment... sometimes you have to find what will work.

I use a squirt bottle of water sometimes...that is really good for sibling fights. Loss of priviledges works well for my oldest. A good talking to...works best for my middle child...she's the one I was referring to when I said a mere suggestion of a spanking turned her around in the paragraph above. And my youngest...I could spank her ...and it wouldn't change her actions one iota.

[ November 03, 2002, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: WisdomSeeker ]

 

Excellent advice! I never really thought about the different way kids respond, but now that you mention it, I look back and see that my two had to be handled entirely different ... you're right. Thanks for reminding me.

P.S. That youngest one of yours sounds an awful lot like ME

 

When my children reached the age of three, I started to spank them with the palm of my hand, on the butt after I told them to stop what they were doing wrong twice.
When the swat came, it was just once but they had to use vicks vaporub to ease the sting for days.
When they got to five years old, I used my dad's cop's belt (which he used on me) which he gave me, again just once, but hard enough for them not to be able to sit flat on the butt for days.
When they got to be eight, one cold look was enough. Never had to spank them again.
Now they're all grown up and none of them believes
all that humanist psychology crap about spanking being a no-no.

 

Oh...I thought I was the only one that could possibly ever do this! I have never been very good with spanking, my husband always did that. When all three of ours would start fighting, and I'd start yelling HEY, HEY...STOP THE NOISE! which seldom worked for very long. So, once, I'd had enough, there was the spray bottle I used on the house cats, just sitting there. So...I started squirting, all four of us just started laughing, and the fighting stopped.
I seemed to defuse several situations with laughter, without ever really meaning to. Not long after we were married, the children and I were going shopping. My son was used to always riding in the front seat with me, only child and all. But, now he had to learn to share me and other things with a stepbrother and stepsister. So, the fighting began with who would sit in the front seat. I defused that one by making them all sit in the back seat. This really made them all mad, so they kept making little remarks while I was driving. I told them to all hush, not another word, I was close to losing my temper. My son couldn't keep his mouth shut, and said one more thing, really testing his and my limits. I pulled the car over, MAD , turned around with my hand ready to strike, but I caught myself, realizing I had lost my temper...the only thing that came out of my mouth was, I want to pull your face off! , of course as soon as I had pulled the car over they had all become very quite, as soon as I said, that, they seemed to think about it for two seconds, and then died laughing. I admit, I too could do nothing but laugh. As adults now, they all still laugh and remember these things, so does their father.
I guess I'm a little unconventional.
Sue

 

You guys used water and laughter, too? I did
not spank, but used a lot of laughter and hugs as
discipline tools. My favorite one was when they
would do something and embarrass themselves
while at home (no public embarrasssment). I
would raise my eyebrows, smirk a little, then say,
"Bet you won't do that again!" It worked better
than a spank for us.

There was one time when my teenaged daughter
was being very obnoxious, and I got the can of
spray whipped cream after her. She ran out in
the front yard to get away from me, but I kept
after her. She went for the water hose, and we
had a Battle Royale! We were laughing and
squirting until we were a complete mess and
had to come in for showers. But she quit being
obnoxious.

Humor can go a long, long way as discipline, but
it is certainly not a cure-all. We had our times
when I had to be hard on them, too, but we always
loved one another, and that was known through
it all. Now that they are grown, what a joy it is to
be able to look them in the eyes and say, "You
were always a joy and a pleasure to me." And
when they say, "I love you, Mom," I can reply,
"I know." 8o)

 

The bible teaches the correct way to discipline a child and it does work,regardless of child's personality,etc...God's way is best. I believe the parents attitude should be right before spanking and it should be done for disobedience,rebellion,etc. It should not be because the child was getting on your nerves,or because you are angry,etc. It should be for a definite defiant disobedient behavior. The mother should have a meek and gentle spirit with restoration the goal for the child. The father should do it if he is home. The children have to be kept under the protection of the parents through training for obedience. Spanking is the biblical mandate,all else is wordly advice,not biblical wisdom.

 

Hi folks -

I just wanted to jump in here quickly and post a warning. This is NOT from the administration of this board but from me, Brother Clint.

Be careful giving specific antecdotes about spanking and punishing. The secular world has gotten very intrusive on a parent's rights to raise and discipline their children in whatever ways they see fit. Some folks construe even the mildest physical punishments as abuse and if they blow the whistle on you, the government may be coming into your life in the worst possible way.

Mind you, I DO advocate discipline for a child and the discipline should match the offense. That is what makes productive and well-liked members of a society, ANY society, so I am not objecting to the conversation. I just wanted you guys to be aware.

Though the Baptist Board protects your privacy as required by the law and to the full extent of the law, the law can also make us surrender whatever information we have about you. You are only so annonymous on the internet.

Your servant in Christ

- Clint

 

I'm not in disagreement, at all. Spanking, as a punishment, just will not work on my daughter. I cannot tell anybody else how to raise their children, I was just giving my experience.

 

Proverbs 23
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
14 Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death. [1]

It is hard to separate this image from some form of corporal punishment. Spanking is often used more effectively as a corrective gesture than as a pain-inflicting punishment.



[ September 13, 2002, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: Margie Kritzer ]

 

as for the original post - I think 14 months is too young, but I base that opinion on my own toddler's behavior. My 19 month old tests me, too, but I believe that she is learning the parameters of her world. She is curious, which is how she learns, and I want to be careful not to punish her for that. When I have felt like swatting her, it has been when I was emotionally frazzled and had NO more patience, not because she was really being bad. We use a 10 second time out right now, and that works for us. But, every child is different. I see toddlers on a weekly basis, and some dont respond well to time out. I, personally, would wait until the baby is a little older to start using "the rod".

 

I wanted to make sure everyone heard this good advise. Pastor Adrian Rogers has a good thought about spanking " apply the board of correction to the seat of knowledge". The sad truth about Clint's post is that in too many occasions the child protective services will interfere in an honest attempt to discipline by a loving parent while allowing horrible situations to continue with their apparent blessing.
Murph

 

I agree with what you are saying about the government getting involved and pulling people's children out of their homes. I believe that this is not necessarily a bad thing...as in extreme cases...children are helpless and can become endangered by the abuse of an out of control adult.

In the Bible there are instructions... about the how to's of dicipline...and the strongest one seems to be to leave anger out of it.

Funny you should say that the squirt bottle was sitting around because you used it for the cats...that's the exact reason I started using it. The squirt bottle was originally used to keep the cats off the kitchen counter when I was cooking dinner. But, honestly...my grandmother used to fill a cup of water and throw it on me and my brother when we were fighting. My mom told her not to ever raise a hand to us...and this was her way around that.

 

I'm glad there was a follow up to my comment. I also would add that I do NOT advocate abuse and there is a line that can be crossed. There is no question about that.

Parents need to pray for guidance, not from secular sources, but from above. I grew up in the time of the "Spock babies." What a nightmare this has caused. The Scriptures are quite concerned about guiding children. The notion that they can choose their own way with proper discernment is absurd. Even the animal kingdom has parental discipline and education.

I'm glad that parents were strict. It taught me above all else how to implement the Golden Rule. It made me concerned about how my actions affected others. That, in my mind, is the primary goal of discipline. Because my actions had a direct effect on my own well being, I learned that my own natural hedonism did not bring about my way. I learned to get what I wanted through persuasion, not demanding. I learned that acting in a way contrary or ignorant to other's needs brought about a consequence.

 

Clint, I appreciate your warning, but what I was
telling about, if you were indicating me, was
years ago when my 30-year-old was 16. It was
discipline, but it ended up in good fun. I did not
spank, because things were pretty bad in my
childhood home, and I learned early to use
other means of discipline. I could not be
trusted with spanking or hitting of any kind.

Clint, my children are grown up, parents, and
mainly people who love the Lord. They are in
their churches, not pew-warmers but active,
and they love their spouses. They work for a
living and keep good homes. The police never
had to call me about them, except once, when
a drunk driver rear-ended my son months
before he married.

Seriously, I loved my children and did nothing
to hurt them.

 

No, Abiyah, I was not indicating you nor ANYONE in specific! It was just a general heads up to the participants!

From what I know of you, I'll bet you DO have good kids!