Stay-At-Home Moms

My first husband would not allow me not to work. I worked 80 hour weeks at a very stressful job and even after I had 4 miscarriages and a nervous breakdown, he was very aggitated when I couldn't work for a little while. He needed my money...I won't go into for what...let's just say that it lead to our divorce.

My second husband has always had a healthy idea of marriage. The money goes into one pot, it's not mine or his, it's ours. I worked for the first 3 years we were married outside the home, but we decided that I needed to be home and raise our children. (only 1 child, but one on the way when I quit my job) And that if we struggled a little financially...so be it.

We now have our own business, which affords me the luxury of working from home. I can keep an eye on the maniacs while still generating income to pay for our living. (the maniacs are what I affectionately refer to as my children)

Everyone's family works differently. We all do what works best for all concerned.

I'm a working Mom, I'm also a stay at home Mom.

 

Wisdom Seeker--

AMEN! I am a single mom, and I had to work to support my daughter & myself starting when she was eight weeks old. At the time, I had gotten away from the Lord and did not think to put my trust in him regarding this issue. It broke my heart to leave her when she was so small.

But, starting in January when I finally stopped running from God and ran to him, I started praying about ways to make a living wage and still have more time to spend with my little girl (who is now 3).

Well, God answered that prayer very quickly. I was able to quit my day job and start transcribing from home. Shortly after that, I was offred a promotion & a wage increase (hourly rate, not on production), and am still able to work from home.

Now, because of the nature of my work (requires a lot of concentration when you are dealing with people's medical records), I have a neighbor watch my daughter during the day. I think it would be unfair for her to be cooped up in the house all day while I work. But, the real blessing is that I can look out the window and see her playing outside, and she comes home for my lunch hour.

I thank God every day for allowing me to do this. For so long, I had been pulled in two directions: Needing to pay the rent and needing to spend time with my daughter while she was awake. Now, I can do both, thanks to the Lord answering my prayers!

 

My heart goes out to anyone in difficult situations. I appreciate all my wife does and I tell her so. To find something home based would seem to be a good medium.

 

The Lord Jehovah gave the curse to Adam--"By the sweat of thy brow . . .!"--my wife has not worked outside the home now for over 13 years--but when she did work--she'd leave the house at a quarter to 7am--in a hurry--no time to just relax in the mornin'--

Then she'd come draggin' home at 5:30pm--lookin' like she'd been wrestlin' in the WWF--stressed out--not wantin' to do anything but go lay down on the couch--didn't have energy to cook supper--so ole Blackbird cooked mostly--

I had a few steps to go to be in my office by 8 and would take off by 4--I'd go eat lunch with the other preachers in town--"Life of Sam!" stuff--I'd be home before she would--I'd watch her come up the driveway and I'd pray and fall under convection--"Lord Jesus! This ain't no way to be treatin' my wife! I can't have her doin' this!"

So she quit her job! Took us about 2 seconds to get use to not havin' that extra income--$25,000/year--never missed it!

Now, my hat goes off to you ladies on your own! You single ladies and single again girls who have to muster up a livin' on your own--if you'd get honest with me---you probably come draggin' up the driveway after work--lookin' like you just got finished wrestlin' Hulk Hogan--but you know that's the only way you can do it--and so you gotta do it!

But here is another man's honest convictions--I will not have my wife work--I can handle the sweat on my brow--that's my curse I received from Adam--and I receive grace from the Lord Jesus Christ to keep on workin' through the sweat! For a man, the sweat is sweet when you "do it as unto the Lord!" His grace covers the curse!!!

And I'll work that second job if I need to! I'll drive a garbage truck--heck--I'll be the man on back of the truck if I have to--so long as my wife don't have to work!

Now, doesn't mean that she's on vacation all the time! She works the home--she's the home keeper--no sweat on her brow, though!! Just obeyin' the word!!

Now, men! You be honest and tell me that you feel the same way that ole Blackbird does because right now--ole Blackbird feels the same way about my wife not workin' as the Lord Jesus Christ does! Get up off of your pitiful self and give your wife a break--no sweat for her! "But my wife works in an air conditioned office!"--emotional sweat counts, too!

Your buddy,
Blackbird

 

I was in the Navy for twenty yrs. and retired. I raised my 15 yrs.old by myself w/o child support, because my ex-husband either worked under the table or quit his job as soon as the child support enforcement caught up with him. In fact he quit his job the day she was born and slept at his girlfriends house that night while I was recovering from child birth.
Yes I felt guity when my daughter was sick and I still had to drop her off at the sitter, or when I left at lunch to go buy tylenol and take it to the sitters.
However, she had nice clothes, toys, diapers, formula and braces at 9yrs. thanks to that job. There are also many, many pilots that have me to thank for a good quality jet engine to get them home safely.
I am at home now because I am re-married and I hate it. Yes my son (10mths) gets to see me everyday, all day, but how good for him can it be for me to be miserable. Being an at-home-mom to me means:
1. my husband get to tell me how everything belongs to him.
2. How even though I contribute my entire retirement check to bills, I am still contributing less.
3. How I should feel sooooo grateful that I don't work.
4. How he makes all of the sacrifices working and living out of town 5 days a week. While I get the privelege of now raising two kids by myself!
Christine

 

Oh Christine, I am so sorry. Having a husband who lord's it over you that you are not an equal partner is just stupid. (no offense, but that's how I feel about it)

The Bible says that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. If a man is making an effort to make you feel bad, it doesn't sound like he's doing that. It's not supposed to feel this way.

All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. I've worked doing secretarial work, and day care, and I worked at General Motors driving a forklift for quite a long while. I always wanted to be married to a man who would make me feel like a wife should, like a partner in the unit of marriage and loved and supported. I didn't get what I wanted. Unfortunately, he had a very violent temper and was very jeolous. (although I never gave him reason to be) We divorced after 15 years, he filed, I didn't. I've been on my own ever since, and I am disabled because of an injury on the job. Suffice it to say, that at my age, I thought I wouldn't have to struggle so hard still. I keep having to start over. It's very heartbreaking and difficult. But I do what I have to do.

I hope that things work out somehow for you Christine. Staying at home should be a joy, it shouldn't make you feel miserable. But from reading your testimony, I can sure see why it would be. Pray for grace. I'll be praying for you too. I hope that's okay.

God Bless You,
Charlotte

P.S. I would just like to add, that throughout history, woman have not had the option to work. If a woman found herself without a father or husband, she was often forced into poverty or unseemly occupations. I'm glad that in this day and age, a woman has options.

 

Susan,
Praise God for His provisions in your time of need! Thank you for sharing that praise report here with us!

Christine,

Have you heard of the book, "Power of a Praying Wife?" I strongly receommend this book. I think it is a wonderful way to bless our husbands to pray for them. They need our support and encouragement.

 

This is fascinating. Artimaeus quoted a large section of Scripture and everyone ignored him!

We, as women, are not static creatures. Our lives change, our circumstances change. I am quite sure the Prov. 31 woman did not do all that at the same time! Working before the children, or at the same time children are in school, or at home, or after the children are grown and gone...why not? If the husband is happy and the children have mom or dad when they arrive home from school, what is the matter?

Some homes are well-enough designed and cared for that they simply don't need a keeper there 24/7.

That woman of Prov. 31 had talents and skills she did not waste on someone else's legalism. And her husband was proud of her and her children praised her. If there is no husband, the children can still look back and praise Mom for all she accomplished to keep their home intact and everyone going strong.

If there is any condemnation at all where working mothers are concerned, I would find it in two areas -- one with the immediate family and the other with the Christian family:

1. If the mother does not have to work and there are one or more young children being farmed out to daycare, this situation should be re-thought. Those are highly formative years; who do you want to form them? By the time a child enters kindergarten, a good many behaviors and patterns are established very strongly. As an adoptive parent of kids who came to us from the ages of five weeks to seven years old, I can guarantee that the younger the better in terms of bonding, establishing behavior patterns, etc. Don't waste those early years of your child's by farming him or her out for the sake of 'personal fulfillment.' You will have encouraged selfishness in yourself, taught it to your child, and risked his/her future at the same time.

2. If there is a mother who is forced to work outside the home for economic reasons (the case with most single moms) -- WHERE THE BANANAS IS THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY???? Why don't we shove over in our own homes for that child for free, as a gift to the part of the body who is hurting? What is wrong with us that we sit in judgment with nary a hand to help out that struggling woman?

That is another road I traveled myself. When my husband left and I was not able to pull my 'fair' share in the church in terms of clean-up duties, I received a letter from the head elder informing me that I was selfish and needed to learn to have a 'servant's heart.' That letter stung like nothing else he could have done, and to this day he refuses to talk to me at church. And this is YEARS later!

The first Christmas I was alone with the kids, the church helped out with a love donation of $600 and some gifts. That was really, really sweet. It really lifted my spirits and helped make it a real Christmas. I was so grateful!

And then their 'job' was done. That was it. I was greeted with my six children (and sometimes their friends, causing one person to think I was bringing in an entire Bible study class or something!) every Sunday with smiles and handshakes and well-wishes.

But that was all. The weekdays we struggled. We grew our own food, wore hand-me-downs until there were more holes than cloth in a couple of them, used only the wood stove for heat, since we had lots of wood....those were tough years.

Our help came from the 'pagans.' The manager at Safeway who made sure I got a good share of the Monday morning food that was picked up for the soup kitchen and food pantry run by a local church, the guy who did not charge when my van needed repair, the check-out guy at Safeway who wouldn't let me leave until his realllllly dumb jokes had me giggling...

The gas delivery guy (LP) came by with an entire cord of wood when my own supply was done in a couple of years. He wanted to make sure I didn't have to pay HIM so much for the gas he delivered!

At church, the assistant pastor asked me to stop bringing my retarded son to church because they could not handle it. So, until the older children moved out and on their own, we would take turns with one of us staying home with Chris each Sunday while the others went to church.

Was I working? Yes, I was. I was teaching here at home. I not only homeschooled, but I opened a private school here for other kids whose parents asked for help. We registered with the state and at one point I had hired two other teachers to help because our enrollment got a little large (about 20 kids). And guess what? When it came time to pay me, several of these Christian families just couldn't....but "we sure appreciate what you've done for us! We pray for you everyday!"

That is all behind me now and no, I 'm not bitter at all. I'm not even angry. It is one of those cases where what the devil meant for harm God used for good. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life before, with a husband who loves me and -- with the exception of a couple of rebels in their early 20's ( ), a family of grown and almost grown children along with some grandchildren that delight my heart. Our financial position is steady and if I wanted to work outside the home I would have my husband's blessing. He truly wants what is best for me.

Oh yeah -- as long as we leave Chris with someone, we are still welcome at church, too...but we're working on that one!

Don't judge the single working mothers, or even the others if it is apparent their husbands need the extra income in some way. Reach out to help, instead. You are needed.

 

Helen, I understand that you want to be thorough, but have you ever considered being more concise? I find that even though your posts are very good, it takes at least twice as long to read them as anyone elses.

Please don't be offended, just that I would really like to read what you have to say, but find often times I just don't have that kind of time.

God Bless You,
Charlotte

Regarding Aremeas' post, I think that if we consider that the Proverbs 31 woman did all of these things over the course of her lifetime, it's not as difficult a model to follow. I would also like to add, that a working woman doesn't usually have "finding herself" as a reason for doing it.

 

Helen, that was a very good post, thank you. It's too true, too. I've seen that happen other times as well.

Charlotte, while "finding herself" may not be the reason, the reason is often just as selfish. I have a relative who is pursuing a career and putting it WAY ahead of her family. She's been living an hour and a half away from her husband and two children during the week and only seeing them on weekends for a YEAR to pursue a career. Her children are still small (her son is about 8, I think, and her daughter is about 5). Her children are being raised by others. It's a sad situation.

 

Helen, Thank you for sharing all that. I know you probably pray before sharing and I for one appreciate your input. I know what it's like to be a stay at home mom and only have enough food for feeding the kids. I literally lived on coffee for a year so they could eat. ( I did lick their plates when they were finished)

I once asked someone why it hurts so much when I got hurt by "christians". Their answer to me was to advise me to read the book, "Healing for Damaged Emotions". I read it and it was wonderful.

I now am a stay at home mom... only I call myself a Professional Domesticated Executive. By choice. I do think every woman needs to be prepared to earn a living if she should find herself in that position. I've heard too many horror stories of husbands dying and them being left with nothing.

I'm also sorry you feel the way you do about Helen's posts Charlotte. I like them.

 

That is sad D'penguin...but I do feel that your example is more a sign of one person's priorities being out of balance, than a common occurance in this day and age among woman. Perhaps in the 1980's when it was more popular to be upwardly mobile and focus more on aquiring material wealth. But I think these days, woman have a more realistic idea of home, and children for the most part.

I don't think it is appropriate to make any woman who has to work feel that she is selfish or out of God's will.

God Bless You,
Charlotte

P.S. I was not critisizing Helen personally, just that she might consider shorting her posts a little to make them more readable. I'm glad that you all feel you should defend her, I think she's wonderful too.

If you all have the time to read a page that takes much scrolling to get through...my hat is off to you. I however don't have the luxury of that much time. And often miss reading pertenant information that she provides, because her post is so exorbitant.

I get the impression that I have somehow made myself a target for commenting on this. I'm sure Helen wouldn't take offense to this, so I'm not quite sure why you all seem to be

 

We've been married 22 years,a dn from the start my husband wanted me at home. I've never worked, even though we had to live through 10 lean years where he only made a few thousand dollars a year, and we raised our kids with food and clothes.

 

Charlotte and all,

I understand Charlotte's complaint. Actually, most of my posts are rather short. But when I think I have something that brings the theoretical down to the real life situation (it's so easy to think in theory and often much harder when faced with reality), I will try to share it.

And, often, real life situations simply are more complicated than a short post will allow.

But I had to laugh at Charlotte's request. It is the EXACT same request I make of so many of the authors I edit for!

And it came right back at me! Way to go, Charlotte! I'm still laughing. Besides that, you are probably right...

 

Helen and Charlotte, thank you for clarifying all that! I didn't realize that I sounded offended by it. After rereading my post I realized how it must have sounded.

My pastor started out a serman a couple monthes ago with these words:

It's not about me
It's not about now
It's all about God!

Changed my perspective on some things and how I tend to look at people, circumstances, and situations.

God Bless you both!
Becky

 

Just out of curiousity, I'm wondering what people who believe that women once married/have children should be active primarily at home believe that unmarried women should do prior to marriage.

If I ever get married and if I ever have children, I'll probably do some my career parttime while the children are young (preschool/kindergarten) and return to fulltime after that. While God may call me someday to be a wife and mother, He has also called me to serve Him as a doctor and I trust that He will help me to balance both of these roles. I am going into a area of medicine that is "family-friendly" both in terms of training and lifestyle which is a plus but isn't the primary reason I chose it -- it is just where my talents and interests lay.

I give kudos to all Christian women -- married and unmarried, kids or no kids, work at home or outside!

 

WHAT? Since when was wrestlin' allowed in the WWF? Wouldn't it interfere with the script reading and taunts?

 

Brother DD!! How true! How true!

You get the channel that has Wrestlein' Mania--and that's all they do is blab off and pop off and fight over each other's girlfriends--who will just about put on as good a show as the guys!!

Sister Helen! I feel the same way as a preacher on Sunday morning's as you probably feel here--"Hurry up and finish before 12, Preacher!" "Cut it short, preacher!" "We're hungry preacher!" Bless God, they just don't know just how ferously hungry ole Blackbird is about 11:55am--stomach growlin' and stuff--and I've got three more points to go!! Don't back down, Sister!

Blackbird

 

Where's all the MEN on this thread? Wow. It would be nice to hear from them.
Stay at home mom here...I've been hoping and praying I could continue in that. I figured if I did work it would be nice to be an interpretor for the deaf but one little obstacle..I CAN'T SIGN. I wanted to take classes but they're too far away, I was mourning the loss of what seemed like the perfect thing for me to do and still be able to spend a lot the majority of time with the kids and continue homeschooling and all that.
And then...a new neighbor moved in. She's deaf. Her son came over and started playing catch with me and then her little one came. (I have this affect on children, I don't know why, but yes it's normal for strange kids to come up to me like that, lol). I'm asking their mom to teach me and it'll be much cheaper and take less time than going way out of town like I could NOT have done anyhow, plus I can have us ALL learn and make it part of the schoolday with the kids...
Amazing how God comes through in my life. Kinda scary actually. In a good way. He just always makes me ask a few times first and worry a little, then right when I'm about to lose it he throws the answer/solution out. I definitely think he has a sense of humor, or at the least knows how to make ME grin on a regular basis!
Gina

 

It is the man's duty to provide for his family (1 Tim. 5: 8, Gen. 3: 17-19). There are still some of us men left who do not embrace the idea of working moms (other than when a husband is TRULY disabled, or when a single mom is without support).

The husband/wife dynamic is a picture of the Christ/Believer dynamic (Eph. 5: 25). Believers are the "wives" of Christ and we do not "work" for our salvation. Christ (our "husband") does ALL the work. We men are called upon to follow this dynamic in an earthly sense for our wives (Eph. 5: 25). Christ sacrificed himself for his bride the church. We men are to follow the same model in an earthly sense and "sacrifice" for our wives too. It is NOT the other way around gentlemen.

Proverbs 31 is speaking about a woman whose enterprising activities occur in the HOME; not outside of it in the office (v27). One cannot logically "watch over the affairs" of a household (v27) if one is spending the better part of one's time (9-5 plus prep & commute time) in an office outside of the home.

Rather, the Proverbs 31 text illustrates an industrious housewife who runs her household well, including the families investments and/or prudent shopping stategies (v16, 18).

The Proverbs 31 mom "sells" some items (v24) just like many Christian stay at home moms do when they run a bake sale or garage sale to raise money for charity. Such sales are NOT used for the upkeep of her family but rather to give to the poor and needy (v20).

The Proverbs 31 housewife is at HOME when her children arise (v28) and she has already been long awake and preparing for the household in the wee hours of the morning (v15). There is not even the SLIGHTEST suggestion that the Proverbs 31 MOM is "employed" under the authority of anyone outside of her household. In fact, the text shows that this mom RULES her household. The Mom of Proverbs 31 is a stay at home Mom. Titus 2: 5 confirms. Thanks! latterrain77

[ May 04, 2003, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: latterrain77 ]