Should women work rather than stay home

"Actually, I see it as realistic. The mother realizes what is best for her children. They don't want their children to have a "crazy" mother."------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thankful,

I agree their are moms with spritual, emotional, or physical problems who may find it is actually better if they work and stay out of the childs life to some degree. But I am sure you will agree that that should be the exception and not the rule. When we tell folks we home school, it is very common for the working mother to roll her eyes and say, "better you than me, I was not cut out for that, I would go crazy and drive my kids crazy if I were at home". Sure there can be exceptional situations. This seems to have become a common attitude. Do you agree that we have lost something if the average working mom thinks they "can't handel" staying at home with their kids, and think a day care can do a better job with their infant than they can?

 

There is another scenario to this situation. I have seen many a mother cry when they had to leave their child at day care or with a sitter or even with grandmother. Don't judge all these women too harshly.

 

We have all granted that some women may find that it is the best situation for them to work and could be the most responsible thing to do. We simply assert that in general it is best for a mom to stay home with their small children if possible.

 

Yes, but one of the troubles is that these threads often come across like another way to blame the woman. Where is the husband in all of this?
Very often the husband wants and/or needs the wife to work.
It is easy to feel touchy when what other people perceive to be "God's best" just is not possible.

Life happens. Some men become unemployed. Factories close. Accidents happen. Illness happens. Many churches do not pay full-time. Many men only get through seminary because of their wives' working. Heating bills soar during the winter. Children have very expensive medical conditions not covered by insurance.
Sometimes the wife works so that the husband can be home SOME of the time instead of working 2 or 3 jobs.

Many women who work outside the home are heroes, in my opinion, for shouldering very heavy burdens. Likewise, of course, for many situations inside the home.

I will have to look up the statistics again, but actually only a small percentage of women with very young children work full-time outside the home. Even so, I submit that it is entirely possible that those mothers spend more actual time with their children than did my grandmother and great-grandmother who worked in the field all day on the family farm. Older kids were in charge of the younger kids.
I was raised on the family farm. Some have a too rosy view of what life was like back then in terms of family togetherness.

Thankful, I hesitate to bring this up. But since someone asked for practical ideas, here is one of mine. Move to OK, MO, or AR. Around here you can get a VERY decent house for $50,000-$60,000 with property taxes of only a few hundred $ a year. You can buy land for as low as $300 an acre.

Karen (whose children were never in daycare)

 

"It is easy to feel touchy when what other people perceive to be "God's best" just is not possible."----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't think a mom being at home with her infant or toddler is the Ideal. You think a daycare can even come close to reproducing what a mother can do?

"Life happens. Some men become unemployed. Factories close. Accidents happen. Illness happens. Many churches do not pay full-time. Many men only get through seminary because of their wives' working. Heating bills soar during the winter. Children have very expensive medical conditions not covered by insurance.
Sometimes the wife works so that the husband can be home SOME of the time instead of working 2 or 3 jobs."------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stuff happens, we have all acknowldged that. So this argument is just a red herring.

"Some have a too rosy view of what life was like back then in terms of family togetherness."-------------------------------------------------------

Even so, my grand parent and my parents had it better as children than we do from a values standpoint. They remaned innocent longer and will tell you so, in general.

I get the impression some women feel deep down that they did not give their children their best and as such over react to discussions about what might be the Ideal situations, relativly speaking. And are afraid to admit there might be an Ideal.

 

Dear Bunyon,
However poorly, I am trying to respond in general.
I did already state that my kids were never in daycare. I did stay home with them. I am glad I did and was able to.

I don't see the red herring. Yes, we all acknowledge stuff happens. We seem to disagree somewhat on why stuff happens and who, if anybody, should be blamed.

I can't say whether others are overreacting. I'm responding in general, and it would be inaccurate to read my situation into my response. (Not only have my kids never been in daycare, they have never spent a day in public school. ) Now we have proceeded on to a Christian college. We have made the best choices for us. I always presume other people make the best choices for their situations.

When you are in a really tough situation, sometimes it seems other Christians are saying it is your fault, when it isn't. And you can't see a way out and wonder why God is allowing you to go through it.
I will say again that many of these threads do come across like it's the woman's "fault".

Karen

 

Karen, I was speaking of the strong reactions and hurt feelings in general. My only push is to say that, in general, the mother staying home with her babies is the Ideal. Although I do consider it generally true that many women who work are forsakeing this Ideal for reasons that aren't worth the sacrifice, I don't accuse any particular person. I had to use it one year while I was still in school, so I understand.

I would say that it comes off both ways to both sides. I am satisfied that most everyone considers it the Ideal, the only question is where do we draw the line at which we are willing to give that Ideal up. In this modern affluent world we often consider pure luxeries to be necessities. But it is a personal choice and I don't get involved in anyones personal life. But I am alarmed when I hear over and over again, mothers saying it would drive them crazy to stay home with their kids and they are not cut out for it. I have heard that alot. If it is really true, it is scary that so many moms consider themselves incapable of being a stay at home mom. If moms have to work just to escape staying home with kids who they are not cut out to stay home with and go crazy, which is what this statement implies, that concerns me.

While I agree that there are times and situations where it is responsible for a mother with small kids to work, I also believe such exogent circumstances are not the reason for most mom's working. But if anyone is sure of their reason, they should not get upset with that observation.

 

Thanks for the links. Useful information, and the statistics show several interesting things.

For example, it shows 58% of mothers who have preschool children are in the workforce. That is a lot.
But only 70% of them are fulltime. That means only 40% of women with preschool children have fulltime jobs. That means 60% don't. The workers in that 60% would include women who sell Tupperware 2 hours a week, etc. or who have piano lessons in their homes 5 hours a week.

The 40% with fulltime jobs would include women on family farms who take an official paycheck, women who care for other children in their homes, women who work opposite shifts of their husbands to avoid daycare, many other situations.
I have read other data that shows the net effect of all these situations reduces the 40% greatly, but I can't find it now.

Karen

 

Yes, 63% employed OR looking for work.
58% employed x 70% = 40% that I referenced.

Looking at the statistics below, 78% x 77% means 60% of mothers of children 6-17 with some form of full-time employment. Showing as we all presumed, that more mothers go to work outside the home when the kids go to school.

Karen

 

I've been think a lot about this topic and waited till now to reply. Nothing is closer to my heart esp latley but, this topic. I am married mother of four who WAS A stay at home mom. You can only sew, cook and shop so much. For a while it was nice. But, it's true things just aren't as they were. Women don't have to put in long hours as they used to. With the modern conviences we have today, well we can simply chase our dreams. The trick to this is, not to lose sight of who is at home. There is nothing wrong with working, and there is nothing wrong with staying at home either.

I say it's up to you. And, don't let anyone tell you diffrent. If you are in struggle, PRAY about it let GOD answer your prayers, not anyone else.

Tc

 

The women that I see that work, work to provide necessities, not bigger homes and STUFF.


I just finished this entire thread and I am amazed once again...
If you don't go with someones way of thinking you are always called a "liberal". I've gotten tired of seeing people throw that word around. If being a conservative ? (I assume that's what most are here) means being so self-righteous, then I will gladly join the liberal camp.

Out of all the insulting and asinine posts in this thread, I have to say this one takes the cake.

Unbelievable. Sure looks to me that Salamandar is saying all working parents have sluts for children! That's beyond insulting!


Thank God there are men and women that are able to stay at home to care for their children. The thing is, that is just not realistic sometimes. If a family decides the husband should stay home for whatever reason, then so be it! Thats great that some children get to be with their daddy like that. I would say they are even blessed and will cherish that time later in life.

I hate to see Christians make others out to be lesser parents because they don't do things just like them!

Thank God for all Godly loving parents whether they work or not!!

 

I agree, Rachel. And, Salamander, unless your children are married, be careful. Virginity only lasts until the "first time". And then there is always the possibility of becoming a mother working outside of the home due to divorce, premature death, abusiveness or many other things. Oh, I know. This will NEVER happen in your family. Hmmm, I've heard that before. I honestly don't know if some of you people truly are self-righteous, holier-than-thous or just really need a few courses in how to communicate without sounding like it.