Pastor wants me to join, am I out of line to say yes but with conditions?

Hi
I am new to the board...it's nice to meet all of you. I would love to get more involved in the Baptist church we just started attending. Our son loves the Youth Group and the Pastor seems wonderful. Two of his best friends are our best friends, so I feel like I know him though I have yet to meet him. I used to teach a Christian Camping program each Sunday evening at our former church. In order to head anything at this church, you must be a member. That's not a problem except....
I have one concern preventing me from joining, and I don't know how to handle it. I can't seem to get over it.

Every week during the service there are prayer requests. Folks take turns speaking outloud. Often these people babble and babble....going into juicy detail about others which makes me uncomfortable. What begins as a prayer request, ends up a gossip session.
Today, a woman said "Please pray for my Granddaughter, she has problems and needs to face reality" (She was a little emotional when she said it, yet snide, though it was meant to appear in a caring spirit) The other things she said weren't so bad but that one sentence just ruined this girls character. I feel like anyone with courage enough to say that outloud in the name of God has alot more problems.
If these church members would just say, "Please pray for (insert name) to come to the Lord" Or "She is having a hard time because of medical issues" this would cover over 80% of the prayer requests (which take up almost a third of the church service). Many do say their requests appropriately. Yet many folks share others personal info. Being in such a small town, even if you don't identify someone by name, it is often easy to know who they are talking about.
It's just a sentence or twoconvienantly hidden with nice words. Just enough to ruin someone's character. I fear if I join, someone might talk about me that way, disguise it in a "Prayer Request".

I believe my Pastor is unaware of the ramifications since it seems to bring everyone together. I mean it REALLY does seem to bond them all, the more juicy unappropriate details that are divulged. " Would it be out of line to say to the Pastor when he asks that I will join if he allows me to head a Prayer request chain? I don't want to tell him outright...I want to say it nicely so if I offer to head something, it might make me look like less of a complainer. Any thoughs from anyone, especially pastors is appreciated. Thanks for your patience in reading my post!
Melissa

[ December 19, 2005, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: blackbird ]

 

Sorry, I want to add to this. This is a small church (about 150 members) but the town is much smaller. It seems almost everyone in town attends this church, it is the only one. The Pastor told my friend he was going to ask me to join. He is having a new member class soon, and knows who I am because of my job. I am guessing he likes our family because I help out alot on Sunday Evenings and tithe even though we are not members yet.

 

Thanks to all of you for your advice. We attended a Nazarene Church up until almost a month 1/2 ago, then began attending the Baptist Church because of our future move (it's only 1/2 hr away). We are building a house there. I didn't get into what was said each week as of prayer requests. I feel like just to allow such a large group (over 100 people attend) free reign in that way is a no no, and I assumed you would just believe me that people would run amuck. I attend a Bible Study accountability group each week, and each of us sometimes get's off track in this exact way. Yet this is a large group of people.
It 's people's nature to gossip, and gossip is in everyday life and I can except that. But when it is done in a public forum, it is elevated to a very hurtful level. I believe it to be slander (at certain times). Not all folks reolize what they are doing, but you can see some of the folks anger when they make those snide remarks in the name of a prayer request.
Honestly, I think my fear is taking over. I am concerned when I make friends with church members, they could talk about me in the same manner with or without malice attatched. I won't risk that. Not in such a public way.
It's been a blessing to have our unchurched kids (our good friends teenager & ours) ACTUALLY ask to go to Youth Group on Sunday Evenings. I know this wasn't a mistake to attend the Baptist Church because now my son and our best friends son reolize it's possible to actually enjoy church. I thank god for that.
If Pastor wanted it changed, I think it would be changed by now. If I don't have ALL good to say in the first meeting with him, I don't want to say anything at all. I believe he is truly a nice man who thinks ignoring these discresion is best. He likely sees everyone bonding also.
From my experience of being friends with the Nazarene's Pastors wife, it's hard when people come in to the church and take over. I love the Nazarene Church, and have missed it very much.
Thanks again to all of you who replied.
Blessings to you, Melissa

 

Mountainrun,

Thanks for your advice but just for clarity in case others thought the same thing, ithis is not a prayer service I am talking about. It is a part of the Sunday Morning regular church service. There is only one service held each week.

Dr. Bob,
I have met the board, and I do feel they would agree with me and want it changed. I can't picture any of them talking that way. The Pastor is easy going.
You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders

 

Hope of Glory,

Hope of Glory,
A few church members were arrested so that was mentioned today, and it was said that we should to pray for them. It's not usually that blatant. It's the WAY some folks can say it. Many get angry or cry. It is in their tone when they speak about people. Alot of it has to do with people not accepting their faith, meaning people who will not agree with their beliefs in the Bible. I have many non-christian friends who are not believers. I talk of my faith freely, I can't help it, but I do not harrass them. They know I love them whether they are Christians or not, and I do it out of love.

Many of these folks get "offended easily, and make out like anyone not a christian is evil. They go on and on about others faults, usually stupid stuff. Like "Uncle Fred get's so distracted he keeps loosing his job"
Often, they tell stories of witnessing to family members/friends who "Reject them again and again" They tell us the "Rude replies" which usually means the family is tired of being told they are going to hell. It sounds to me like many church members are pestering people with their Christian beliefs. Then others seem to simpathize with them like we're all in some sort of club or something. Share your beliefs, but just because someone doesn't accept them, it doesn't make them evil.
I believe Sunday Services are not for this type of thing. It appears many of these church members need to be in small groups instead where their are some guidelines to sharing information.

 

Thanks again to everyone. The four people I mentioned are Elders, (sorry), I don't know if there is a board or not. I wouldn't go to them anyways. This is a job for Pastor, he is f/t. Going to "his" bosses is something I would not do unless it is life or death situation. Even then, I would have talked with him first, second, AND third before going off...
Pastor has been listening to his close friends sadness about his friends (& our's friend's) teenage son not attending church for years. These people are further along spiritually than we are. Pastor and his wife have vacationed with our friends for years before they began attending his church about 3 months ago. They are not members yet either. All were shocked when the boys attended church, Pastor stared at us for a bit when we first entered the church. Back then, I didn't reolize how many people we "shared friends" with. Or us that bringing the teenageer was something the church had prayed outloud about for the last month.
Pastor should get MUCH of the credit for hanging around this boy. He included him in Missions with his parents though neither are members yet of the church. This same teenage boy tells us "Pastor is the nicest guy you will ever meet" Which is great influence for my son and myself. I am not sure if any of us would have agreed to go willingly to church without Pastors influence. It's much easier to get along with people in the secular world than in a church world if you ask me.
My thought was maybe Pastor wouldn't feel pressured as if I "directly" complained. I don't want to do a prayer chain anyways, it's not my bag. Obviously it wasn't a good idea from reading the posts here.
Only when they LIKE you do they respond to suggestions. It would be taken as complaining I am afraid since I am so new. That is usually the kiss of death.
Pastor is in an accountability group with another good friend of ours who my husband also works closely with. This almost seems like a god thing. I told my friends not to introduce me until I felt more comfortable. I can't really stay on this board unless I am Baptist (which is fair) so I hope I can stay long enough to respond to this posting. Blessings to everyone for your advice. The combination of it was very helpful. I think I will pray about it longer.

 

P.S. I think I am really TOO sentisitve about things. It took a while before finding my former church (Nazarene) and they aren't a close family really yet the gossip is minimal so it feels more "safe"

 

Hey someone stold my [inappropriate language] and replaced it with courage in my first posting. I think it was the moderator...

That's too funny

((Good job))



Obviously...Bro. Dallas

[ December 19, 2005, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: Frogman ]