A Broken Heart

My friends I am seeking your guidence, advice, and prayers. This message is posted with a broken heart.

For those of you who don't know me well let me tell you a little of myself. My wife was saved before I ever met her, and for many years of our marriage I did not attend church and remained unforgiven by the Lord. Then in 2001 by the Grace of God I found that I was in need of Jesus and asked him to forgive me of all my sins. This was not easy for someone who had always seen themself as a good person, and depended upon themself. My wife was very insturmental in leading me to the Lord as were several of our friends.

My wife had attened our chruch prior to our being married, but because the pastor didn't belive in marrying unequally yolked couples she left the chruch. Shortly before the birth of our daughter in 1999 she began attending this chruch again. It was a Sunday evening in June of 2001 sitting in a pew of this very same chruch that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. We have been happy at this chruch and Jeanne and I (mostly Jeanne) have run VBS for the past three years.

For the past year there has been a bad spirit about many of the members of our church. There has been gossip and outright lies told about Jeanne. We have seen this decline comming for some time. For some time Jeanne has felt that the Joy of being in he choir had departed. She talked to the choir director several times and was talked into staying in the choir. Recently a new dress code was instituted for the choir and Jeanne felt it was now time to leave the choir. Not becasue she believed the dress code was wrong, but the dress code was vague enough that she didn't want people judging her dress every week to decide if she chould sing or not. Independantly of Jeanne's decision a friend of ours and her daughter also decided to quit the choir.

Throughout this time we have been praying as to if this was the right church for us or not. Neither of us wanted to leave but there was something wrong.

Durring a revival service (I know revival isn't simply brought from a visiting preacher, but commom practice calls it a revival) our pastor stood up at the end of service and made some remarks that while not naming names basicly said that Jeanne had been doing wrong and rebelling against God, the chruch and me as her husband. I took a great offense at these remarks and talked to the pastor after service. Basicly in that conversation I told the pastor that many times he had made me examine myself, but that night he offended me for the first time. I straight out asked the paster "What has Jeanne done wrong?" he could not give me an answer. By the end of the conversation pastor apologized to Jeanne and I for what he had said.

During he rest of that week God was working. Four different people apologized to Jeanne for the gossiping and the lies. Things seemed to be better. That is until tonight.

After service and fellowship, pastor told Jeanne that he needed to have a meeting with her and two couples in the chruch. He did not specificly tell me to attend or not to attend this meeting. When Jeanne asked him what it was about he would not tell her. I of course attended this meeting and an extra chair had to be set up since I was there.

We were told that Jeanne was not fit to be a VBS teacher because of her "attitude", and that people would keep there childern away from VBS if she was part of it. This was based on a statement from a 13 yr old boy to his parents. The parents who until tonight I considered friends did not come to us with any concern as a Christian Brother should when they think a Brother or Sister has done something wrong. This couple is one of the friends who set an Great Christian example that helped me to accept the Lord. The pastor did not counsel Jeanne or me he simply said she wasn't fit to be a VBS teacher. He didn't even ask her if what was said was true or not.

My response was simply "WE'RE DONE". My intent was we are done with this chruch. I had been praying about this before and even though I made that statement in extream anger. Now several hours later I stand by it. I will continue to pray, however I doubt I will change my mind.

I welcome all advice and comments as my family begins its search for a new chruch home. My heart is broken that it has come to this, however I can not stay at a place where accusations are accepted as fact and the accused is not even given an opportunity defend themself.

Those of you who know me feel free to PM me if you like.


Bill

 

Thanks to everyone for their support.

When Dr. Bob said that sometimes God slams a door to get us out of our comfort zone it made me realize that is what happened here. I was comfortable and didn't want to leave, well it appears God had other plans for my family.

I had to work last night and could't to church, but Jeanne and the kids went to a church were some other family members attend. They loved it. My kids want me to commit to this chruch NOW. They don't understand that I havn't even been there yet. I don't plan on rushing into joining another chruch for awhile, but wouldn't it be great if the first place we visited turned out to be the one.

Please keep my family in your prayers as we continue to heal from this situation.


Bill

 

Actually Diane I can't go Sunday because we will be in St. Louis visiting my parents, and will attend a chruch that we usually go to when in the area.

As far as the time frame goes I haven't set an exact time in my mind. Generally I belive it will be at least a several months. First off I want to make sure what we see in initial visits is how the chruch really behaves. I would like to get to know some of the members before becomming a member of myself. My work schedule makes it difficult for me to attend regullary. I usually make only 1 service a week, sometimes two and rarely all 3. However Jeanne and the kids are usually in all three. Even if I like this chruch as much as Jeanne and the kids do I will want to visit a few other chruches before making a final decision. I would hate to miss a GREAT chruch because I settled for a Good church.

Jim you are absoutly correct in that I want to know how the Pastor would handle a similar situation. Obviosuly I don't want to go through it again, and I would hate to watch anyone else go through the same thing.

Jeanne and I have agreed that we are not going to talk about the specifics of what happened because we don't want the bitterness to build up in us. If we go around bad mouthing other Christians then even though what we say is true we are still not displaying a good Christian attitude. I certianlly don't want to do to someone else what was done to me and my family.

Bill