A Dad Decision

Welcome no-longer-lost to the board!
There are many of us who have the same concerns that you are having for your dad.

Yes, we will pray.

Dear Lord, we pray for the needs of this poster for dad.
Pray that you will have help this poster to know what is best for dad.
We pray this in Jesus' Name. Amen

 

My mother died in April 2008. Soon after, my father came to live with my wife and me. There was a period of adjustment for all of us. Our disabled son decided living with Grandpa was too much for him so he moved to a group home in a nearby village. Dad did well the first six months. At age 82 he was walking nearly a mile a day. He missed his wife of 61 years but was determined to live out his remaining days as full as possible.

I was in my office one Saturday morning last fall when Dad appeared in the doorway. He tried to communicate that something was wrong but could not speak clearly. The long and short of it was Dad had a stroke. Coupled with many other health issues the family (siblings) decided it that Dad needed more care than we could give him at home.

It was not an easy decision. We had to weigh all the possibilities and make the decision that was in the best interest of Dad. He hated being away from a home environment. He always refers to the nursing home as that place. As time goes on he is adjusting to his living arrangements.

At first, my wife and I felt like we had failed. We felt as if we had let Dad down and didn't keep our promise to Mom that we would take good care of him. The reality is that he is being well cared for. He has a nurse just a button push away. He is free to go out on activities with the staff. He can go to church, shopping or out to dinner with family or friends. It's funny that he is the one with a curfew now!

Above all :godisgood: and He will take the best care of your father too!

I recommend reading My Parents, My Children by Cecil Murphy. It is an unembelished look at the complexities of becoming a caregiver for a parent.

 

Thanks, padredurand from your family's experience. I plan to share this
with my siblings and I am sure others have been helped by your words.

 

I am a single woman with two siblings. I guess I am the "primary caretaker" of my parents (well, my dad is no longer living, but when he was alive, I was. ) My brother hasn't settled down yet and travels a lot. My sister has great anger towards my mother and has not had real contact with my mother since my father's death five years ago.

So here I am.

My mom needs more nursing care than I can handle, with or without a job. I purchased a house, hoping that maybe my parents could come live with me, but my mom's health took a turn for the worse, and my father couldn't be left a lone during the day. Plus, at that time, I worked all day and sometimes had odd hours in the evening. My mom would like me to care for her, but she is alert and knows that really isn't an option.

Long story short, though difficult, my mom chose to go to nursing care. My dad suffered from dementia, and his situation was more difficult for me because it was more supervision rather than nursing care. He died about 10 months after he went to assisted living. (old age and cancer.)

Having said all that, what ever you do, it isn't an easy row to hoe. I wish I could have taken care of my dad.... but I didn't. I don't know that I could (though I know
God offers grace), but we couldn't get by on his Social Security. Plus, after a while, my patience wears thin....

I will pray for you in this decision.

 

I appreciate what you have written SaggyWoman!
Our family is facing a similiar problem.
One of my sisters has been caring for my mom while my dad
is in a rehab/nursing home.
Recently my caregiver sister's husband was taken to the hospital
where he had a pacemaker surgery.
On the same week my other siblings had children in the hospital or were
on vacation. I am out-of-town and my husband recently had surgery.
My dad was quite upset when his "dream" to go home was interrupted by
on the siblings telling him that he is being transferred to another nursing
home. There was an opening in this rehab/nursing for a couple and my mom
says that she cannot go there because she has a dog and she can manage
at her home.

Please pray for our family.
We agree it is not easy to put your parents in a nursing home
and it is not easy caring for them when the siblings' children or
mates are rushed to the hospital.

God is faithful!
Thanks for your prayers for us and and no-longer-lost! I am sure there are
other posters who have heavy hearts concerning aging and ill parents too.