Hi, I'll go to my story, as it leaves me a little perplexed.
I had a lukewarm and misguided faith two years ago, that in the end left me wondering where in fact I would go when I died, because I couldn't tell from passages in the bible warning us about false Christians whether I was one or not. What really convinced me was that in tormenting pain from chronic pain illnesses I abandoned God as just my imagination, and because I had never found anything close to a semblance of victory over sin after twelve years of fighting. It was like I was at war with God Almighty when I turned on my sin, which is not at all the experience of a light yoke spoken of in the bible.
I had become a Christian from atheism twelve years prior, but my whole life changed the moment I stopped relying on science and reason as a liberal Christian and just put blind faith in Jesus and the bible. I became a fundamentalist overnight and in time I would leave the Charismatic/Pentecostal/New Apostolic Reformation movements and stop being high church in my theology. Although, I did go back recently to the Charismatic movements until this board saved me along with the miracle of losing my "sign" gifts, when I prayed that anything not of God go away.
Now, the thing that really gets me is that I changed pretty dramatically after putting blind faith in Jesus and the bible. Shockingly, the following days showed my internal world to be changed: Many sins I wrestled with hardly bothered me at all anymore, my mind became sober at last instead of being deranged and scheming, as it had always been since high school, I no longer felt great darkness in me all the time, I wanted to earnestly live a holy life and separate myself from Hollywood culture, I became much better at fighting my temptations, I lost most of the embarrassment I felt when sharing Jesus to others, I found it possible to follow the commands of the bible that I had found impossible to live up to, and my mental health disorders also improved.
I would get baptized a second time. Since, I considered my first baptism to be that of a man who didn't fully put blind faith in the Gospel he was being baptized into. This time understanding well the bible verses that spoke of baptism, which gave me great joy to know. Though, I have struggled with whether I should have been re-baptized, because I was very enthusiastic about my new faith and what the bible taught after leaving atheism. However, I let myself get lulled into complacency and liberal theology.
That said, ruminating on all of this I have some questions for those with other eyes and minds than mine:
Is this experience of a radical change immediately after the prayer of salvation normal? Given we talk of a saving, changing faith; should we expect to see a difference in a person just moments or days after the prayer of salvation? Is that potentially misguided though?
Did I do the right thing in getting re-baptized? How much should we understand the bible teachings on baptism before being baptized, given the joy I had the second time around? What makes for an efficacious baptism?
Also, I am clearly one of the bad soils for twelve years having both shallow root, that I abandoned belief of God in pain from illnesses. Let alone, what I would do if being tortured for the sake of the Gospel, and get told it all ends if I just abandon my dead faith. I also let weeds choke me to death back then. I was once told that we can by our own effort switch the type of soil we are, but it seems to me this may instead be that real saving faith always comes about by a good soil. That if we believe we have shallow root or no fruit, it means we should get back to basics in fear and trembling. What are your thoughts on this rumination?
I had a lukewarm and misguided faith two years ago, that in the end left me wondering where in fact I would go when I died, because I couldn't tell from passages in the bible warning us about false Christians whether I was one or not. What really convinced me was that in tormenting pain from chronic pain illnesses I abandoned God as just my imagination, and because I had never found anything close to a semblance of victory over sin after twelve years of fighting. It was like I was at war with God Almighty when I turned on my sin, which is not at all the experience of a light yoke spoken of in the bible.
I had become a Christian from atheism twelve years prior, but my whole life changed the moment I stopped relying on science and reason as a liberal Christian and just put blind faith in Jesus and the bible. I became a fundamentalist overnight and in time I would leave the Charismatic/Pentecostal/New Apostolic Reformation movements and stop being high church in my theology. Although, I did go back recently to the Charismatic movements until this board saved me along with the miracle of losing my "sign" gifts, when I prayed that anything not of God go away.
Now, the thing that really gets me is that I changed pretty dramatically after putting blind faith in Jesus and the bible. Shockingly, the following days showed my internal world to be changed: Many sins I wrestled with hardly bothered me at all anymore, my mind became sober at last instead of being deranged and scheming, as it had always been since high school, I no longer felt great darkness in me all the time, I wanted to earnestly live a holy life and separate myself from Hollywood culture, I became much better at fighting my temptations, I lost most of the embarrassment I felt when sharing Jesus to others, I found it possible to follow the commands of the bible that I had found impossible to live up to, and my mental health disorders also improved.
I would get baptized a second time. Since, I considered my first baptism to be that of a man who didn't fully put blind faith in the Gospel he was being baptized into. This time understanding well the bible verses that spoke of baptism, which gave me great joy to know. Though, I have struggled with whether I should have been re-baptized, because I was very enthusiastic about my new faith and what the bible taught after leaving atheism. However, I let myself get lulled into complacency and liberal theology.
That said, ruminating on all of this I have some questions for those with other eyes and minds than mine:
Is this experience of a radical change immediately after the prayer of salvation normal? Given we talk of a saving, changing faith; should we expect to see a difference in a person just moments or days after the prayer of salvation? Is that potentially misguided though?
Did I do the right thing in getting re-baptized? How much should we understand the bible teachings on baptism before being baptized, given the joy I had the second time around? What makes for an efficacious baptism?
Also, I am clearly one of the bad soils for twelve years having both shallow root, that I abandoned belief of God in pain from illnesses. Let alone, what I would do if being tortured for the sake of the Gospel, and get told it all ends if I just abandon my dead faith. I also let weeds choke me to death back then. I was once told that we can by our own effort switch the type of soil we are, but it seems to me this may instead be that real saving faith always comes about by a good soil. That if we believe we have shallow root or no fruit, it means we should get back to basics in fear and trembling. What are your thoughts on this rumination?
