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Arranged Marriages

Discussion in '2005 Archive' started by csmith, Mar 7, 2005.

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  1. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    My children are young (4 under the age of 9), but I am already starting to think of their future families. I have not ruled out a modified type of arranged marriage. Is there anyone out there that has thoughts on this? Sounds cruel doesn't it? HaHa. :D
     
    #1 csmith, Mar 7, 2005
  2. cindig2

    cindig2 New Member

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    It worked in the Bible days. It is something I would love to do for my sons, but I don't think it is feasible in our day, especially in the USA.
    Start praying now for your children's marriage partner, that God would lead them to Godly mates.
    I wish I would have started doing this earlier. When your children are young, you think you have forever, but it seems that your turn around and they are grown up and gone.
     
    #2 cindig2, Mar 7, 2005
  3. P_Barnes

    P_Barnes New Member

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    Can you be any more specific? What, exactly, would the "modifications" be? How would you go about it and what are the qualifications for any potential spouse?

    Haha, I guess someone could browbeat their children into a marriage. But in the US that sounds like a recipe for a divorce.
     
    #3 P_Barnes, Mar 7, 2005
  4. donnA

    donnA Active Member

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    When you arrange a marriage you are asking your child to live unhappy all their lives with someone they did not pick because they did not love them. Which is ok if you have something against love.
    The bible tells us people lived that way, no where does it give us instructions to do teh same. Got to be careful there.
     
    #4 donnA, Mar 7, 2005
  5. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    It "worked"?

    Tell that to Tamar, Leah, Rachel, Michal, Merab, and a host of other women.

    I would be interesting (even though we can't really do it) to get these ladies' opinions on this thread on how their parents' and in-laws' manipulation of their lives wrought misery to them and their children.

    I think you mean it "happened" in the Bible, not that it "worked".

    Parents today should pray for their children's marriages long before their child is of marrying age. They should also pray for their children's future spouses, even though they do not know who they are.

    Some people believe that God has a special person in mind for each of us. I don't know if that it true or not, but let's just say for the sake of argument that it is.

    Well, guess what. The devil has about 5 or 6 "special" people intended as a potential spouse for your child.

    Maybe one to take your married child out of the church. Or maybe one to introduce controlled substances to your married child. Perhaps one to beat your child while they are married.

    You see, early prayer and monitoring of whom they date is critical.

    But it is impossible to force a child to marry someone against their will and expect them to live the happy, Godly model of marriage.

    Marriage between a husband and a wife is a picture, a symbolic representation of Jesus Christ and the Church. Paul said that. He said that it's so pictorial that it's a mystery. It's in the bible.

    And Jesus Christ is never forced on anyone.

    The relationship between Jesus Christ and the church is a love relationship.

    You cannot arrange that nor force that. Not salvation. Not love between a man and a woman.

    You can pray. Monitor activity. Teach wise decision-making. Model wise decision-making. Make boundaries. And pray some more.

    But you can't decide whom your child will love. You just can't.

    Peace-

    YSIC
    Scarlett O.
    <><
     
    #5 Scarlett O., Mar 7, 2005
  6. Joseph_Botwinick

    Joseph_Botwinick <img src=/532.jpg>Banned

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    I know a couple who had an arranged marriage, and they are very happy, and have a strong family of many decades. Just because it might not work for you doesn't mean it won't work for everyone and that they cannot be happy that way.

    Joseph Botwinick
     
    #6 Joseph_Botwinick, Mar 7, 2005
  7. TaterTot

    TaterTot Guest

    I know several Korean couples who were arranged. They seem very happy, but that is part of their culture, so they didnt rebel against the idea of it.
     
    #7 TaterTot, Mar 8, 2005
  8. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob Administrator
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    I would not be in favor of such. Parents should have such a close relationship and authority in the life of a child that to "arrange" a marriage would be redundant.
     
    #8 Dr. Bob, Mar 8, 2005
  9. Ben W

    Ben W Active Member
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    Christians in India do it all the time. The Bible tells us to Honour our Mother and Father, maybe their choice for us could be the best choice?
     
    #9 Ben W, Mar 8, 2005
  10. Craigbythesea

    Craigbythesea Well-Known Member

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    Amen!

    [​IMG]
     
    #10 Craigbythesea, Mar 8, 2005
  11. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    Scarlot O. said,
    "But you can't decide whom your child will love. You just can't."

    Don't you feel love in the Bible is more of a command?

    Do you feel we have taken the idea of "falling" in love too far?

    Could a young person not love another even if they didn't choose that person themselves?

    I can't believe that a person would argue against arranged marriage just because some of them in the Bible failed. Look at our society where even "Christian" couples get divorced at an alarming rate--they chose their own spouses.
     
    #11 csmith, Mar 8, 2005
  12. Pastor_Bob

    Pastor_Bob Well-Known Member

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    Regardless of what we feel is the biblical principle behind finding a mate, I think we must all agree that the "modern dating" concept is seriously flawed. It has resulted in nearly a 50% divorce rate.

    When we allow our Christian teens to date like the world (go out with one, if you don't like them dump them and get another, then dump them when someone more attractive comes along, etc...) then we are setting them up with the world's philosophy that divorce is acceptable.

    I do not allow my children to "single-date" as long as they are living in my home. After they leave the house, then I just pray that they are well-grounded enough to do right.
     
    #12 Pastor_Bob, Mar 8, 2005
  13. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    I agree Pastor Bob.

    I guess my end point is that maybe parents should be MORE involved in who their children marry. I will not make the ultimate choice for my children and force them into a marriage. I am raising my children already with the idea that their mommy and daddy will help them find someone to marry. They love the idea. It sounds exciting to them. I know what some will say--Wait until they are teens and see if they like it. If the relationship is good, they will.

    I am just working the primaries for them, helping to arrange some good candidates. They will cast their own vote.
     
    #13 csmith, Mar 8, 2005
  14. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    BTW I have a 9 year old son that will be getting married in the next decade or so. Any prospects out there? [​IMG]
     
    #14 csmith, Mar 8, 2005
  15. manchester

    manchester New Member

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    Isn't there a difference between "husbands love your wives" and "men, make wives out of the women you love"?
     
    #15 manchester, Mar 8, 2005
  16. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    There sure is--good point!
     
    #16 csmith, Mar 8, 2005
  17. Singing Cop

    Singing Cop <img src=/5667.jpg>

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    First of all I love my parents more then I could ever describe....second of all if my parents had ever forced me to do this...(forced not tried... [​IMG] )I think I would have faked my death. [​IMG] You risk being cut off by your children.
     
    #17 Singing Cop, Mar 8, 2005
  18. Gib

    Gib Active Member

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    You and I would kick the cat, but for some, it may be a family tradition and it's something they just do because that's the way it's done.
     
    #18 Gib, Mar 8, 2005
  19. csmith

    csmith New Member

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    Singing Cop,
    I love my parents more than I could ever describe as well, and I wish they would have had a larger part in my marital decisions. I recognize that my will toward my parents was rebellious and at the time I didn't want them to have a part in my "big" decisions. How foolish I was.

    Since when is it justifiable to reward your parent's love and concern by "faking my death" or cutting them off?

    Singing Cop,
    Would you not have respected your wise parents advice on the issue? What if they would have come to you and said that "so and so" would make a great spouse for you? Would you have cut them off. Sounds sad.

    I haven't said even one time that I would FORCE my children to marry someone. I have pointed out that I will diligently assist them and advise them. The final decision would be theirs. I want them to trust me to arrange some of the choices for them. What could that hurt?
     
    #19 csmith, Mar 8, 2005
  20. Pastor_Bob

    Pastor_Bob Well-Known Member

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    My pastor, Dr. S.M. Davis has several messages on this subject. You can order some of his videos HERE
     
    #20 Pastor_Bob, Mar 8, 2005
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