Art Vandelay
New Member
So this post ended up much longer than I thought, sorry.:type:
I've been struggling over perhaps the last year wondering if perhaps I wasn't really saved for much of my life and also therefore if I should get baptized again?
I was baptized as at maybe 13, grew up in the church, my parents are believers and read me the bible growing up. I would pray very selfish wordly prayers mostly, and I think I thought of Jesus as my safety net. I asked forgiveness of sin and stuff but, looking back in hindsight i'm not really sure that I "got it". Well through high school and particularly college I really went my own way. I recall a lot of anger against God and really doubting His existence for a time, I had decided to go my own way and stopped going to church, didn't feel comfortable in worship, thought it was a bit creepy at times. I really went a perverse way in college, got into the goth thing, ridiculous hair, makeup, wearing feminine clothing, suffered depression and thoughts of suicide. I thank the Lord that I still had some vague sense that perhaps Hell was real though so fortunately I never went through with those thoughts. My worldview was really very nihilistic for a time, I doubted God's existence and didn't really seek Him out.
Well certain things happened in college, a certain eye-opening epiphany moment hit me and turned me back to believing that God was definitely real and i'd been a fool for turning from Him. Unfortunately, despite believing in God I still went my own sinful way for years. It wasn't until I met a couple involved with The Navigators organization in college and attended their meetings that I started feeling drawn back to Christianity specifically. They were very loving and welcoming to me despite my freakish attire. After graduating from college and moving back home I got a job, it was sort of depressing, but it afforded me free time. So I started reading my Bible at the start of my shift.
It's been three years since and I've read it cover to cover twice now and studied all kinds of subjects and it has really changed my life. It has convicted me to really turn from sin and give up wicked things I'd been holding onto. I hate my former lifestyle, the sinful androgyny, the angry music, the selfish attitude, the arrogants, and hate, so many wrong beliefs, too many to list. I love reading Scipture now, God's true Word, I want to tell people about Jesus, I want to love others and be light in the world. The Word, it cuts me to the heart just like Hebrews 4:12-13 says, I love that verse, it is absolutely true. Years back I never would have imagined the way the Lord's been working in my life today.
Anyway, just yesterday I read part of that George Whitefield sermon i've seen posted on here, "The Method of Grace", and I feel like it nailed me. I still remember being at church in high-school and praying that God would give me faith, even just a true desire to want to have faith, to have faith like I saw other people having, to actually joyfully come to church to praise the Lord, to really believe, instead of being bored and zoned out.
Well I have faith now, more than I ever felt before. My hope lies in 1 Corinthians 15 being historically true, that Jesus Christ fulfilled the Scriptures written about Him. He is the Son of God, the Savior of Israel, born of the virgin, called God With Us (Isa. 7:14) and our Might God (Isa. 9:6); he is the Son of Man who will come and rule (Dan. 7:13), our King of Kings (Rev. 19:16), the "I Am" (Jn. 8:58/Ex. 3:14) and the First and the Last (Rev. 22:13/ Isa. 48:12) He is our God and became flesh (Jn 1:1,14); Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I get it now. He died for our sins, for all my wickedness, and was literally raised from the dead on the third day, and that by believing, I have crossed from death to life (Jn. 5:24, 6:47).
-- So that brings me back to my questions; was I ever truly saved?
I've often felt that it was just a real bad period of rebellion because I felt God had drawn me back to Him but that I was saved, but perhaps my "feelings" are wrong? Perhaps that period was to show that I was never really of the church? ie. 1 John 2:19
-- Along with that, i've also had the feeling for probably a year that I need to be obedient to the Lord and get baptized but the thought of being "re-baptized" has been holding me back, cause I was already baptized. Should I go get baptized/re-baptized?
Side topic, also on baptism, seems pertinent to the topic. I debated some Church of Christ friends a while back and have read some "early church fathers" stuff regarding baptism and the belief that one isn't saved until they are baptized. I didn't think their arguments were very convincing, but reading the "Apostolic Fathers" and seeing what the early church thought has since left me ...unsettled on the topic. On the one hand, I simply cannot reconcile such a belief (baptismal regeneration) with Jesus' clear statements regarding faith (and Paul's), particularly that once someone believes it is that moment that they have crossed from death to life (verses I posted above). Jesus' words are truth, so if what He said is true, and plainly stated, then one could not possibly get baptized fast enough to get saved, they'd already have been saved when they truly believed in Him. Baptism would have to come after one has already received eternal life. Still, John 3:5, and the apparent early church interpretation that "born of water" meant water-baptism, ergo, salvation hinged on baptism, has been bugging me for a couple months.
I've been struggling over perhaps the last year wondering if perhaps I wasn't really saved for much of my life and also therefore if I should get baptized again?
I was baptized as at maybe 13, grew up in the church, my parents are believers and read me the bible growing up. I would pray very selfish wordly prayers mostly, and I think I thought of Jesus as my safety net. I asked forgiveness of sin and stuff but, looking back in hindsight i'm not really sure that I "got it". Well through high school and particularly college I really went my own way. I recall a lot of anger against God and really doubting His existence for a time, I had decided to go my own way and stopped going to church, didn't feel comfortable in worship, thought it was a bit creepy at times. I really went a perverse way in college, got into the goth thing, ridiculous hair, makeup, wearing feminine clothing, suffered depression and thoughts of suicide. I thank the Lord that I still had some vague sense that perhaps Hell was real though so fortunately I never went through with those thoughts. My worldview was really very nihilistic for a time, I doubted God's existence and didn't really seek Him out.
Well certain things happened in college, a certain eye-opening epiphany moment hit me and turned me back to believing that God was definitely real and i'd been a fool for turning from Him. Unfortunately, despite believing in God I still went my own sinful way for years. It wasn't until I met a couple involved with The Navigators organization in college and attended their meetings that I started feeling drawn back to Christianity specifically. They were very loving and welcoming to me despite my freakish attire. After graduating from college and moving back home I got a job, it was sort of depressing, but it afforded me free time. So I started reading my Bible at the start of my shift.
It's been three years since and I've read it cover to cover twice now and studied all kinds of subjects and it has really changed my life. It has convicted me to really turn from sin and give up wicked things I'd been holding onto. I hate my former lifestyle, the sinful androgyny, the angry music, the selfish attitude, the arrogants, and hate, so many wrong beliefs, too many to list. I love reading Scipture now, God's true Word, I want to tell people about Jesus, I want to love others and be light in the world. The Word, it cuts me to the heart just like Hebrews 4:12-13 says, I love that verse, it is absolutely true. Years back I never would have imagined the way the Lord's been working in my life today.
Anyway, just yesterday I read part of that George Whitefield sermon i've seen posted on here, "The Method of Grace", and I feel like it nailed me. I still remember being at church in high-school and praying that God would give me faith, even just a true desire to want to have faith, to have faith like I saw other people having, to actually joyfully come to church to praise the Lord, to really believe, instead of being bored and zoned out.
Well I have faith now, more than I ever felt before. My hope lies in 1 Corinthians 15 being historically true, that Jesus Christ fulfilled the Scriptures written about Him. He is the Son of God, the Savior of Israel, born of the virgin, called God With Us (Isa. 7:14) and our Might God (Isa. 9:6); he is the Son of Man who will come and rule (Dan. 7:13), our King of Kings (Rev. 19:16), the "I Am" (Jn. 8:58/Ex. 3:14) and the First and the Last (Rev. 22:13/ Isa. 48:12) He is our God and became flesh (Jn 1:1,14); Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I get it now. He died for our sins, for all my wickedness, and was literally raised from the dead on the third day, and that by believing, I have crossed from death to life (Jn. 5:24, 6:47).
-- So that brings me back to my questions; was I ever truly saved?
I've often felt that it was just a real bad period of rebellion because I felt God had drawn me back to Him but that I was saved, but perhaps my "feelings" are wrong? Perhaps that period was to show that I was never really of the church? ie. 1 John 2:19
-- Along with that, i've also had the feeling for probably a year that I need to be obedient to the Lord and get baptized but the thought of being "re-baptized" has been holding me back, cause I was already baptized. Should I go get baptized/re-baptized?
Side topic, also on baptism, seems pertinent to the topic. I debated some Church of Christ friends a while back and have read some "early church fathers" stuff regarding baptism and the belief that one isn't saved until they are baptized. I didn't think their arguments were very convincing, but reading the "Apostolic Fathers" and seeing what the early church thought has since left me ...unsettled on the topic. On the one hand, I simply cannot reconcile such a belief (baptismal regeneration) with Jesus' clear statements regarding faith (and Paul's), particularly that once someone believes it is that moment that they have crossed from death to life (verses I posted above). Jesus' words are truth, so if what He said is true, and plainly stated, then one could not possibly get baptized fast enough to get saved, they'd already have been saved when they truly believed in Him. Baptism would have to come after one has already received eternal life. Still, John 3:5, and the apparent early church interpretation that "born of water" meant water-baptism, ergo, salvation hinged on baptism, has been bugging me for a couple months.
Last edited by a moderator:
