OBITUARY NOTICE
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of
the millennium.
No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in
schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs
done without fanfare or foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and
frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain,
the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), and parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the
kids). A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural trends including
body piercing, whole language, new math, and don't ask don't tell. But his
health declined when he became infected with the "If it only helps one
person, it's worth it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of
federal regulation. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by
lawyers and auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools implemented policies where a 6-year old boy is charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen is suspended for taking a swig
of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher is fired for reprimanding an unruly
student.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than their victims, and federal judges invaded everything from Boy Scouts to Professional Sports. As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic, but was kept informed of developments regarding regulation of asbestos, low flow toilets, smart guns, and mandatory air bags, and he was in disbelief when told that the homeowners associations restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values. It was the aftermath of the 2000 Presidential election that caused him to breath his last breath.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. Not many
attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
