Dealing with negative personalities

Is this man a deacon or elder in the church? If not, ask the deacons to speak with him.

If so, have a meeting with all the deacons and let him voice his concerns.

Often, the Chief Corrector feel powerful because they can correct you, you are nice enough not to argue much, and they leave feeling they accomplished something. They are a bully. They're tone will change if you make a habit of not listening to such complaints one on one. Simply explain that the deacons (or elders) help to hold you accountable so it would be best if they all heard this.

 

You can read my signature for what I think on some of this type of stuff.

Thing is, if you are honoring God and truly following His direction for your life and ministry.... take what this person said with a grain of salt.

Go to your deacons if this happens again and present a unified front to this person.

If you are honoring God and truly following His direction you will be criticized. Most likley, this person is not walking with the Lord like they should be. It sounds as though this is an ongoing problem.

Take it to the Lord and then act accordingly.

 

There is a book called Antagonists in the Church by Kenneth Haugk. It is well worth reading. ​

A friend of mine was considering leaving a church but before he did he spoke with the deacons. The deacons took care of the problem. That was several years ago. He is still there.​

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If the concerns are minor, I wouldn't let this man speak with the elders. Why elevate a squeaky wheel by giving a minor voice a microphone? The pastor can make mountains out of molehills, too.

 

Oh for the days of when Anias and Sapphira dropped dead for lying.
Just kidding. :laugh:

There will ALWAYS be the Chief Corrector. Even if he dies, another one will pop up.

Pray for that person.

 

Right now I have two or three chief correctors. The larger the church, the more you have. They don't like how I dress, they don't like how I preach, they don't like how I lead...blah, blah, blah. (Not to say that their daggers don't hurt, but I'm not going to let one or two people rob me of my joy.) If I didn't have one or two who didn't like me, then I'd worry. :sleeping_2:

 

It's always discouraging to deal with these kind of people. I have my share of them for three-and-a-half decades. For the most part I have let them have their say, and then proceeded to do what I was doing. In my case, I can't think of one time when I was offered constructive criticism.

I say ignore them. Treat them like you would a pothole in the road. Steer around them and continue to follow the Lord.

 

There are benefits to those kind of people. They keep you praying, sharp and alert.

 

Yes, they do keep you going to the Lord. And, some of what they say is right. The problem is trying to find the nuggets buried in the pile of mess that was dumped on you.

Recently I went to lunch with a critic who hasn't liked me since the day I came to serve my church. He thought his friend should have been the pastor instead of me. So, in his eyes I've never added up. Anyway, at the end of his second or third diatribe running me down I asked him, "So, do you have anything nice to say?" He muttered a couple of things and turned around and walked off. I knew right then to ignore this man. Yes, I still love him. I pray for him. I'm his pastor whether he wants me to be or not.

 

I saw this from Chuck Swindoll and thought it was pretty good.

After 30 years in the ministry, if Jesus had negative people (like Thomas in John 11:16) we'll have them too. Praying for you.

 

While I certainly do not recommend this, however it did work.

In one church I pastored was a bully deacon who seemed to like to boss people around and let them know who was in charge until one day something happened. I did not know about the incident until much later. One of the men in the congregation regularly packed a pistol to church because he was afraid of the bully. On an occasion the bully just harrassed the man one too many times and the man pointed to a gun on him and apparently the antagonist was quite surprised. The antagoinist changed immediately and that ended the problem.

 

The man who owned the gun told me about the incident and I never asked any questions. For me it was TMI.

 

Just in case, here's the second part.