"Death of a Guru"

I just read it, by Rabi Maharaj.

I am totally stunned and amazed!

For those who haven't read it, I suggest you pick it up!

A few things that really grabbed me:

1. A striking similarity to my own experience, as I've posted on here before. For example, the idea of finding out what you thought was true isn't, wanting the truth but not knowing how, and coming to the conclusion that if you cannot find that, then suicide is the only escape.

2. It is almost word for word what I have posted here in my own testimony in the first year I joined this board. "Alone in my room once again, I paced the floor, feeling that two armies were doing battle within. ..... I seemed to face a choice between life and death and was being torn apart by forces that were pulling me in both directions."

That just amazes me.
For those that don't know, here's a brief testimony. I was in an LDS church, started studying and researching against their wishes and advice, and my faith in the LDS church was being shaken.
I had a Baptist friend and her husband had me come over to talk to him about religion. We did this three times, and on the third night he laid it all out, then kicked me out of the house.
I left and considered driving into a tree and just ending it all.
I didn't, obviously.
At home that night I went to my bedroom and paced the floor...the rest is identical to what Rabi said in the quote above.
In the end Christ won and I fell to my knees exhausted and weeping and barely able to pray but knowing Christ won and I was safe.

Back to the book. It really is an eye opener! I am sitting here shocked at some of the stuff I've "dabbled" in or thought was kinda cool. (yoga, mysticism, deep relaxation techniques)

The relationships he describes...his thoughts towards people who didn't believe like him when he was an unbeliever, people's reactions both good and bad after he became a Christian...well, GET THE BOOK!

Probably one of the most interesting concepts is how pre-Christian, so many of us once proclaimed we were "better" because we loved people regardless, that we were so open and embracing of humanity without prejudice, yet we hated Christians.
For others who have been there, isn't it amazing that we did that and were so blind to the plain contradiction we had going on there?!

 

I always admire people who can do that. It's gotta be a major blessing and less of a hindrance to communication with the truth.

I still have so much junk in my mind, it gets confusing.

One thing that tends to be both a problem and a blessing is that I am pretty open minded. Good for learning and for examining beliefs and finding the truth, but bad because it leads to entertaining false ideas until I can find a definite reason I shouldn't. It's thrown me off track more than once!

 

We'd been friends for a few years, makes a difference. Someone else asked this, here's the same answer I gave them.

He apologised later.

Yes, it was by him. We were both two stubborn people. Our discussions would turn quite rowdy and passionate. He branded me a heretic and kicked me out at the end of the third meeting. (after 3 warnings...)
I'd been in the same church as them before joining the LDS church. He hadn't realized that I'd never had faith in Christ. I'd lied about it, because you aren't supposed to have "doubts" and I honestly did not, could not, have faith in Jesus. I'd tried, I'd prayed for it, it didn't happen during those years. But...I wanted to do what was right for my kids so I was going to church, and didn't want to admit I didn't believe so I just said I did. Then thought I finally found the truth in the LDS belief system.

But yeah, he kicked me out. Told me I was going to hell and taking my kids with me, told me he couldn't have me around anymore with my false beliefs.

What nerve, huh?

But..it might sound mean and wrong, and I think that normally that would have been wrong, but I needed it screamed in my face. Honestly. That was about the only way to get any ideas apart from my own across to me at that point in my life. I have this insane idea that God knew that and used Jeff's fire and temper at that point in time for good. It pushed me to the brink, and that's where I had to go.

 

It seems innocent until you actually look into the deeper parts of it.

I used to look at is as a simple relaxation technique. In fact, until I read this book yesterday I was considering starting it again, only more intensely and perhaps making it a family thing.

I was horrified to have my eyes opened by this book and to think what I almost did. I was already starting to look into getting cd's and videos to help out. Seemed like a great idea and something the girls and I would have enjoyed.

I honestly thought of it only as a relaxation technique, possibly as a way to have a more "spiritual" prayer life if maybe I learned to really concentrate on it by meditating first.

Nobody ever told me it was wrong. I knew about mysticism and had studied it and knew about such things, but never really associated the popularized yoga with it. Seemed more like a health thing to me.

Now that I KNOW, sounds more like the gateway drug of false religion type thing!