Divorce

[HAMel]

A friend of mine, 30 years my junior, has a wife who suffers from alcoholism. She takes her drinking (wine) seriously and recently went home to visit with her parents. Both her mother and sister are alcoholics.

While at home she decided that it's time to end the marriage as her husband does not drink and does not want it in the home.

I've done much reading regarding all the various interpretations of divorce and remarriage according to the various faiths so I thought I'd ask you folks your opinions regarding divorce. She has abandoned the marriage and the wine bottle is her idol. This lady is an alcoholic; she refuses to seek help; life with her husband is a constant battle; at one point he ended up in the hospital for two days.

After six years of "abuse" at the hands of his wife, he has decided that even if she were to make a one eighty with her life..., it's over.

Now, I have been raised to believe the only reason for divorce would be for adultery and to remarry would be committing sin.

So, your opinions please. Is he free to remarry considering his wife's actions and her adamant attitude that "she" does not have a problem and intends to continue drinking?



He's has accepted Jesus as his Savior..., his wife? Who knows?

 

[Amy.G]

There is one other situation in which divorce is acceptable HAMel.

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.


This decision was made by your friends unbelieving wife. He can be at peace.

 

[jbh28]

There is one other situation in which divorce is acceptable HAMel.

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.


This decision was made by your friends unbelieving wife. He can be at peace.

Amy is right. While reading your story, I was looking for that. You said that the wife decided to leave, so the husband is "not under bondage" in this case.

 

[Alive in Christ]

Hammel...

According to the scriptures, he is free to remarry, because it appears very obvious that he...unfortunetly, and maybe foolishly...married an unregenerate unbeliever.

1st Corinthians 7: 15-16...

15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

AiC

 

[Alive in Christ]

Ha!

Amy beat me to it.

You're quick, Amy! :wavey:

 

[John Toppass]

This is a terrible situation and it shows what maybe an example of unequally yoked.

Your friend has stated that even if she does a 180 turn it is still over, he is looking for divorce too.

I find nothing in the scripture that says salvation is hinged on divorce or no divorce. It does state that those who divorce and marry another are guilty of adultery unless the reason of divorce is fornication.

If a Christian divorces for any reason and even if they remarry they are still Christians.

 

[jbh28]

After six years of "abuse" at the hands of his wife, he has decided that even if she were to make a one eighty with her life..., it's over.

I just re-read and missed this the first time. Here is where I would have a problem. If she were to repent and want to remain in the marriage, he should stay in the marriage. The I Corinthians passage says if the unbelieving departs. If she doesn't depart, he is not free to divorce.

In addition, when something like this happens in a church setting(supposing they both go to church) then church discipline should be used to restore her back. It seems here that he is looking to get out and not for her to repent. Otherwise, I would say he is free to leave if she is the one departing.

 

[John Toppass]

By the way nowhere do I read in the scripture does it say one should divorce. It just excuses the sin of adultery where fornication is the reason for divorce.

In-fact, the scripture does say in
Mark 10: 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'
7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

 

[luke1616]

If one cannot forgive the other, they will not be forgiven. Divorce is always someone not forgiving the other.

 

[Alive in Christ]

In-fact, the scripture does say in
Mark 10: 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'
7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

Absolutely.

But unfortunetly complications and sinful situations do come up. And it sure is good to know that God has has given wisdom and allowances for those times when things get messy and difficult.

Glory to God!

 

[HAMel]

Great insights. Thanks.

As for the one eighty, his position is that he can't be sure if she will be sincere enough to not drink in the future. I think he's afraid of going through the daily bashing that he dealt with for just over six years should she decide to return. Often all we hear of is the abuse from the husband but in this case, it's reversed and I think he's just tired of it.

Yes, she abandoned him. He wanted to stay married. Now he's thrown in the towel.

I've been married for going on 45 years and simply can't identify with what Jerald has had to deal with. I'll pass along your comments.

 

[righteousdude2]

A Suggestion to Your Friend

A friend of mine, 30 years my junior, has a wife who suffers from alcoholism. She takes her drinking (wine) seriously and recently went home to visit with her parents. Both her mother and sister are alcoholics.

While at home she decided that it's time to end the marriage as her husband does not drink and does not want it in the home.

I've done much reading regarding all the various interpretations of divorce and remarriage according to the various faiths so I thought I'd ask you folks your opinions regarding divorce. She has abandoned the marriage and the wine bottle is her idol. This lady is an alcoholic; she refuses to seek help; life with her husband is a constant battle; at one point he ended up in the hospital for two days.

After six years of "abuse" at the hands of his wife, he has decided that even if she were to make a one eighty with her life..., it's over.

Now, I have been raised to believe the only reason for divorce would be for adultery and to remarry would be committing sin.

So, your opinions please. Is he free to remarry considering his wife's actions and her adamant attitude that "she" does not have a problem and intends to continue drinking?



He's has accepted Jesus as his Savior..., his wife? Who knows?

Please refer to the following website. Dr. Smalley is one of the most recognized speakers and teachers on divorce and remarriage. There are some great helps at the on-line store.

His books and teachings have helped me to write a wrecked ship, and I am going on 32 years of marriage. My first wife is still struggling with the world, and things like bi-s%@uality. I feel for her, but the Lord has led me a fantastic Christian wife who supports my involvement in the ministry 101% because she is dedicated to the Lord, too!

SEE: http://smalley.cc/the-heart-of-remarriage

Hope and pray it helps both, you and your friend to understand the Biblical view of divorce and the right to remarry!

Amy provides a great verse. Just a candid moment, HAMel, my first wife made an ultimatum for me to leave the ministry, or she'd leave me. Well, I left the ministry, but she ended up asking for a divorce and moving in with another man two week after I moved out.

I went back to a small church, but the association asked for my credentials, and threatened to remove that church from the association if they kept me as their pastor. I resigned, and really felt like my world had ended.

Of course these were back in the dark ages of the mid 70's. Minds were more restrictive than, but I still lost a lot with that failed marriage. I lost a wife, who led me to Jesus when we were dating; t lovely children; a a career I studied for and believed I was called to.

The divorce caused me a ton of confusion, hate, and anger, and like the Prodigal Son, I left the life I loved, and went crazy for 12 years. I regret that decision, but it was a learning experience that ended with an even deeper love for the Father and a commitment that is unbreakable today!

I wanted you to know this, because your friend is going to need your prayers, friendship, and fellowship. By the way, there are still several people who have remained dear friends in Jesus, through the good years, the prodigal years, and the renewed days.

Your friend has my deepest prayers and thoughts, as do you!

Shalom,

Pastor Paul :type:

 

[Luke2427]

A friend of mine, 30 years my junior, has a wife who suffers from alcoholism. She takes her drinking (wine) seriously and recently went home to visit with her parents. Both her mother and sister are alcoholics.

While at home she decided that it's time to end the marriage as her husband does not drink and does not want it in the home.

I've done much reading regarding all the various interpretations of divorce and remarriage according to the various faiths so I thought I'd ask you folks your opinions regarding divorce. She has abandoned the marriage and the wine bottle is her idol. This lady is an alcoholic; she refuses to seek help; life with her husband is a constant battle; at one point he ended up in the hospital for two days.

After six years of "abuse" at the hands of his wife, he has decided that even if she were to make a one eighty with her life..., it's over.

Now, I have been raised to believe the only reason for divorce would be for adultery and to remarry would be committing sin.

So, your opinions please. Is he free to remarry considering his wife's actions and her adamant attitude that "she" does not have a problem and intends to continue drinking?



He's has accepted Jesus as his Savior..., his wife? Who knows?

I Corinthians 7 is very clear. If the unbelieving depart, let her depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.

What you were raised under was probably an extrabiblical fundamentalist doctrine concerning this matter.

Fundamentalists are often as bad as popes or worse in the abuse of sola scripture.

 

[HAMel]

righteousdude2, Luke2427, thank you both.

Great insights. Thanks.

Yes, I was raised as an Independent, Fundamentalist.

Younger couples will comment on occasion that as my wife and I have made it together for 45 years, they seem to marvel over our longevity. We most often respond that back in our day people got married for life.

Well, there's a lot more to it than that and in our case what really helped us the most was coming to know Jesus back in 1972.

Before our conversion I would drink occasionally but never had any problem with it and neither of us ever got caught up in the drug scene. The Lord has blessed us for sure.