Dysfunctional Christian Family?

[chickenlady]

My parents once used to have Christ as the head of this household. We were brought to church every sunday and bible principles and examples were used in our everyday lives. Sometimes I ask myself What happened? I think the television replaced God. I can't remember the last time my parents have come with me to church or even discussed our lives in perspective to the bible.

So here's the situation. My friend has told me, go to your pastor and talk to him about what's going on. I just can't. I'm too embarrased. They won't believe me. Maybe they'll think I'm trying to be a martyr, I don't know. Maybe I don't think asking for help will really help. I've let God take this...but you know it's so hard to deal with it when you are forced to face the situation every day. I keep telling myself that it won't be like this forever. But it feels like forever because nothing has changed.

My brother has a serious problem. He is saved, but he has some very serious issues with anger. I don't know why he is so angry. This is a person that devotes their life to studying the bible. He is very knowledgeable of the bible, and I do look up to him. Though, for years and years he has been very disrespectful, demeaning and down right abusive to my mother and I. I don't understand why he does this. I don't understand that somebody who studies the bible so much could not feel they do something wrong, when he says the hateful things he says. I don't think a loving Christian family is supposed to tear each other apart, are they?

I'm here because I'm desperate. I'm just thinking of how rediculous it is to stress myself out over my family. I just feel like I cannot deal with this anymore. More than ever I could use the loving tenderness of my brother, but he has been meaner than ever since I got sick last August. It's almost like he hurts me and my mother because he really feels like it's for our own good. Like I have done something to hold him back from his dreams. I feel like I'm getting weaker, physically as time goes on.

I have an autoimmune disease. It makes the situation worse. It makes it worse because my brother is making it more painful for me to endure life.

I considered tonight, many things in my mind. I
contemplated a couple things. A) death. I then thought that it wouldn't be an easy way out becuase then I'd be facing God. I also contemplated B) leaving, and, NEVER COME BACK.

I am trying to come into terms with these health issues. I was diagnosed with them over last summer. Every minute I'm faced with fear, phyical pain, stress, anxiety, things are going wrong with me that I can't even put my finger on yet. I was starting to come into terms with things and then ofcourse things started getting worse dispite a positive outlook. I beg the doctors for help and I get no answers. "Idiopathic" is a word I hate.

Living with my brother has made life extremely difficult. Mother is the icing on
the cake. I'm about ready to have a nervous breakdown. At the same time, my brother with his extreme problem of self-centered hissy fits, and controlling mother, I become the center of the problem, the center of the focus. I'm not allowed to have responsibilities as any normal 23 year old would have. My mother still makes my decisions for me. I have NO independency. This makes me feel resentful, inadequate and powerless. I am stuck home and never can leave. I'm too weak to work, go to school, I have no direction in my life. I was ready to go to bible college. I was so psyched, ready to serve God. And then this illness struck right before I was supposed to leave.

I don't think going to my pastor is going to help. They'll see our nice home and how my brother is so sweet in church and they'll never believe me. People still judge books by their cover.

I love my parents so much. They do so much for me. Sometimes I feel, if I make so much discord in their lives what's the point of me being here y'know? I could use your prayers. Thank you for listening.

Chickenlady

 

[doodlebug]

I will remember you in my prayers. Have you considered trying correspondence courses or internet courses? I do think that perhaps speaking to your pastor might help you get it all off your chest. Whether he believes you or not, is between him and the Lord. You are one of his sheep, and he needs to help you if you are hurting. Please don't make any sudden decisions about your life. There are more than two decisions you can make. Keep your chin up.

 

[chickenlady]

thanks for responding dootlebug. I can't tell you how much it helped just for me to get it out here on these boards. Thanks so much for keeping me in your prayers, it means so much to me.

 

[dianetavegia]

May I ask what autoimmune disease you have, sweetie?

Will be praying before I answer more throughly.

Diane

 

[chickenlady]

Hello Diane, I was diagnosed with idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura in Aug 04' and recently graves disease. I am not medicated for graves disease as of yet because I have thrombocytopenia so they are trying to figure out a way to treat. Trying to deal with side effects of medications. Thank you so much Diane...I appreciate your prayers. Thank you so much for being so caring.

 

[dianetavegia]

That helps a lot. I kept a child for years with thrombocytopenia and know the side effects of the meds for treating that condition as well as the danger you face every day.

I know about Graves but only general information.

I'll be praying and then will come back after then. This issue with your brother is not something I could easily answer.

Diane

 

[chickenlady]

Thank you Diane. Does this child have chronic ITP? Poor kid I hope he doesn't have to take steroids. Those didn't work for me but messed me up good. The meds are not very encouraging...there is no cure and they just temporary help the problem but make side effects. My doc even wanted me to take male hormones which would basically turn me into a dude. Not exactly what any single 23 year old woman wants to go for. He is also pushing surgery which worries me. Just pray for my brother I know the power of prayer and his heart is just hardened.

 

[dianetavegia]

I think the doctor is wanting you to have your spleen removed which is the most common way to take care of the thrombocytopenia but the Graves disease is much more troublesome.

I kept this child back in the 1980's through early 1990's. She was severely mentally retarded and had to take prednisone every other day to help with the bleeding. The doctor's over medicated her with some seizure meds along with meds for other conditions and caused drug induced hepatitis.

I knew a woman in Conn. (not a close friend but owner of a business I used) who was not diagnosed with Graves until her eyes were bulging. Our daughter's best friend has just recently discovered she has Graves Disease. Colleen was trying to get pregnant and couldn't. She's 29 and had many abortions as a younger woman and believes God is punishing her this way.

For those who have no idea about Graves... here's a link.

http://home.velocitus.net/deecee/

 

[chickenlady]

Diane..My doc told me to do the surgery because he told me it was life or death. It's about 60% chance of working, and will leave me to be immune compromised for the rest of my life (open to infections). I considered it but with a past history of lymes disease I don't want to do it, especially since there are no guarantees. I prayed about it and feel that there's too much risk at this point. I just talked to a person with ITP that had their spleen removed, and they said they got TB because the eqiptment was not sterilized :-| scary.

Thats awlful about that poor child. Where did she bleed? Right now the graves disease isn't as bad, I am showing beginner symptoms...hair falling out, heart palpitations, sweatting, anxiety etc. I had a mild trachardia last week and some chest pains. My brother has told me I got these diseases for being a disobedient child. He also said "You did this to yourself" which hurts so much.

It's hard for me to deal with that right now but hopefully will come into terms with it one day. It's hard when you have nobody to talk to about it! I feel so alone at times. Thank you so much for that link.

 

[KeeperOfMyHome]

Originally posted by chickenlady:
Hello Diane, I was diagnosed with idiopathic thrombocytopenia purpura in Aug 04' and recently graves disease.

CL, my daughter was diagnosed with this auto-immune disorder last April. Hers is/was 'idiopathic" as well. Finally, by December, her counts had increased back to the low-normal level (150,000). She was released by her doctor at that point, but I've noticed some petechia recently and I may take to her have it checked out again.

Another thing going on with her at the same time (and the reason we found out about the ITP) was some intense pain and swelling of the joints of her fingers. Nowhere else. We were told by the doctors that the two weren't related (the ITP and swollen fingers). Anyway, she was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, put and Celebrex for six months, and released from her doctor.

Things seem to be settling down now and hopefully everything was temporary. We were told that all of her problems were possibly caused by a virus that in turn affected her immune system. I don't know. But like you, idiopathic is not a fun word. It's just a nice was for the doctors to say 'we don't have a clue'. Not very comforting or reassuring.

There is are some wonderful online support groups to help you deal with this. Yahoo groups has one and then there are some lists on the internet as well.

Please just know that you are not alone! There are many, many people out there who suffer the same pains and discomforts as you. Seek out some counselling! I promise it will help to talk to others in your position.

I'll be praying for you!

Julia

 

[dianetavegia]

The child I kept bled under her skin from even a shirt sleeve rubbing the wrong way or shoe straps. We had to be very careful with clothing, brushing her teeth, etc. She had a horrible habit of biting her lip or inside her cheek and would bleed profusely. She also had cerebral palsy and walked with her legs partially bent so she tripped easily. She was larger than me when she was only 10.

Unless your platelet count drops very low, I'd refuse the splenectomy also! Have they tested you for Lupus or other autoimmune diseases? My aunt has Sjogren's Syndrome. My husband has numerous autoimmune diseases, as does both sisters, his one cousin and his deceased uncle.

I'm very confused over the reaction of your brother. At this point, all that comes to my heart is that sometimes, when people love you very much, they become angry at the sick or dying person because they don't know how else to deal with their hurt for you.

I'm so very sorry that you're having to deal with this. I cannot imagine being such a young age and having to deal with such horrid illnesses.

 

[chickenlady]

Diane - The poor child The steroids have that effect, making you huge. The side effects of that drug outweigh the benefits. My counts have been doing ok right now, I have been taking some natural medicines for balancing the immune system which are helping. Though when I get sick, or stressed my counts drop. My bleeding symptoms are under control when my counts are above 40K.

I have been checked for other autoimmune diseases related to thrombocytopenia (lupus, RA, lukiemia etc) minus the hyperthyroid and so why it was pegged 'idiopathic'. Also got tested for aids and hepatitis. My doc didn't believe me when I told him I've never been touched so he had me tested. I also had been a healtcare worker so I was exposed to alot of stuff.

Though that was in the summer and at the time my thyroid was not showing any symptoms so we did not treat. All of the meds for a hyper thyroid cause thrombocytopenia. So it's either radioactive iodine or surgery at this point. We're just monitoring for now. The problem with autoimmunity is once you have one your body is open for more. My oncologist said he has never seen a person with only one autoimmune disease...that once you get one the body sets it up for more. So I am not surprised I have graves disease. autoimmunity is genetic, so it makes sense that more than one person in your family has it. Odd enough, nobody in my family has autoimmune diseases (as far as I know).

That would make sense with my brother, but he has been acting like this for years (before I was sick) it just got worse since I got sick. What upsets me the most is how he treats my mother after she waits on him hand and foot.

 

[TaterTot]

Sounds like your brother has some deep issues somewhere. Just because he knows the Bible really well doesnt mean he is immune to "issues". I'll be praying for your situation as well. I have a friend recently diagnosed with Graves and I didnt realize the severity of it til now. She is pregnany on top of that, so there's not alot they can do until after she has her baby.

Take care, and keep us posted!
TaterTot