Ephesians 6:4... Easily provoked teens

Well, the bad new is that teenagers are provoked by EVERYTHING!
Mom: "good morning son"
Son: "stop telling me what to do"!
:BangHead:
The good news is they eventually grow out of it. Of course mine is 21 and I'm still waiting! :tonofbricks:

Just pray, pray, pray for patience. You'll be fine.

 

Benjamin,
Welcome to the wonderful world of teenagers!

You might indeed have to change a few methods that grate on them. And sounds like you are being sensitive to that.

But in just a few years you will be amazed at what a great guy you have become again!

 

Glad to hear we are not the only ones having the same problem. We have one that is 20 and he was much easier, never talked back, did what ever you would ask of him. he was a bit passive aggressive, holding things in I'm sure. But our 15 year old is much different. It wasn't long ago he was talking up a storm and always telling what he did wrong or what he thought. Not any more. I always great him with a huge smile, letting him know i am so glad to see him and I get the leave me alone bit too. :-(

He doesn't watch shows with me anymore. And everything irritates him. He isn't a bad kid at all so we give him his space and are there when he needs us. I can still make him laugh even when he doesn't want to, he just can't help it...he smirks.

We leave for Italy for 9 days tomorrow to see the older one, He loves his older brother so I hope this will be a time of bonding for all of us. :love2:

This too shall pass...this teenage moodiness I hope.

 

Trust me -- those of us with children over thirteen have dealt with this! As have my children, now in their 40s. And so will their children, one who already has adorable toddlers who will become 13.

Your scripture is good. Include with it Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

And how do you do that? As a stand-alone, I prefer John 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

We know you love them -- they know it, too! And will forever.

 

Mostly remember "he that is without chastisement"! Children love you because you are their strength. When things go wrong that love really shows up. Keep on, keeping on.

 

Parents are sooooo annoying!

To bad, teenagers will have to get over it!

Of course right now I have the perfect teenager. It's the next two coming up that I worry about!

I have found that getting to know my teenagers friends and letting them know how/what I believe and how I expect them to behave in the company of my daughter has staved off a lot of the embarrassment she feels. (as in, I'm just as likely to embarrass the friends in the same manner I embarrass my daughter)

The friend came in wearing a dog collar. Yes, it really happened. I asked her if she thought she was so out of control and unintelligent that she needed to be led around on a leash. Told her straightforwardly that a collar showed that she didn't respect herself. I don't see that collar very often anymore.

It is a parents duty to lie awake at night thinking up ways to torment our children. <snicker> Didn't your parents ever tell you that? I make sure to remind mine of that fact just about every time they start the "you're so embarrassing" act. Personally, I find being told that I am being embarrassing (by a teen) to be disrespectful. Usually I find a humorous way to get that point across, but occassionally you just have to speak frankly about it and tell them that you will no longer tolorate the disrespect. It is not my teenagers job to tell me, the adult, how to behave.

I've gained quite the reputation at my daughter's school for being the mom who doesn't take any guff. Does it make life harder for my daughter? Not that she and I can tell. As a matter of fact, once she accepted the idea that I wasn't concerned about embarrassment as much as I was concerned that she do well with God and the world, she became glad for the help. (grateful is a bit too much to expect) My standing my ground with both her and her friends relieved much of the peer pressure that she must endure.

Hehe, Cass will say something about her mom won't let her _____. Some kid that I don't know yet will say "what doees it matter what your mom thinks". Cass doesn't even have to answer. A kid who does know me will speak for her, "You just don't know Cassie's mom or you wouldn't ask that question." :laugh:

I love my reputation.

It's been hard work though. I am very involved in my kids lives and in the lives of thier friends. I know or get to know their friends parents. I let the other parents know where I am coming from, that way it becomes their problem if they don't agree with me. I am the mom who is always there with a ride home, who will supervise a gathering and who will make sure every kid in the group is okay.

If you want your kids to stop being embarrassed by you then be a friend to their friends. Friends are accepting even if they are disapproving. That my friend is a hard thing to balance. It is much easier to tell your kid to stay away from "the bad kid" and much much harder to allow the friendship and then become a positive influence.

 

Intimidation never works because because it doesn't teach the kids to make wise decisions for themselves.

I'm well past the stage to where I think force is the best way to make a kid to behave. Intimidation is a form of force, just the same as giving a spanking. When children are young, a swat on the behind so they know they MUST mind mother even if they don't know why is okay. A teenager though should already know that you are the authority figure and what they need at this point is direction.

Foul language is an issue in my house because my husband and his father think it is cute. (don't ask why, I don't know) My kids know better but occassionally slip up. I can't (and won't) punish them for something their father does. Of course 90% of their unchurched friends and even a good percentage of those who go to church use ugly language. So what to do? I remind them that God expects us to use language that is glorifying to Him. If their friends are the ones using it, I tell them that we find such language to be disrespectful and try not to use such even when we are frustrated. Since I'm the mother and usually the one in the driver's seat, the threat is implicite that if the language continues the friends are going home. Every now and again (and it's about that time), the kids and I have a time of scripture and discussion on what God expects our language to be. And I do these things over and over again.

The issue could be anything. You must know what you believe and why you believe it so that you can teach your children what you believe and why you believe it!

You kids must learn to make sound decisions and those decision must be based on the Word. They are going to make mistakes. My kids slip up and use ugly language in the wrong place, they suffer the consequences. I don't make things easier for them, nor do I make excuses for them. I will very easily tell someone that I taught them better but they don't seem to believe me (talk about embarrassing, just tell one of your kids teachers that in front of your kid). This puts the blame for the behavior right where it belongs: on the kid!

Clothing issues? I'll flat tell a kid that their skin needs to covered that I'm too young to be exposed to their stomach (a current issue at my house) or ask them are they sure their belly button is clean cause I'd hate for them to go out in public with fuzz in their belly button and it showing like that. Makes no difference if it is my kid or my kid's friends. Usually a sarcastic remark like that will open up a conversation about issues of modesty and what boys really think about.

Music? Why would they want to listen to music that encourages behavior that will lead to an unwanted pregnancy or an STD? Kids often don't realize how easily they can be influenced by "marketing". It has to be pointed out to them.

The list could go on and on. What has to happen is that you don't take offense (ie, get mad, yell or whatever) when your kids do something you think is wrong and that you have open conversations even if you never come to a complete agreement. Several times I have told my kids that when they turn 18, get a job and move out of my house they can make their own decisions and I won't say a word, but until then they are going to do things my way. I tell their friends the same thing. You don't get to decide what you are going to do until you are independent from whoever is supplying the money, the ride and the food.

Addressing eveyone in the group instead of simply correcting my own kids also helps with the embarrassment issues. I use word like "do you all think this is a wise idea" or "I don't think you all should be doing that, what would your parents think" or Do you all think we could find something more productive to do than _____?" Those kinds of questions make the kids stop and think about what they are participating in, instead of just going with the flow of the group. It also opens up the avenues of communication.

I save the "not my kid" things for the big issues like sex and drugs. Why won't I let Cassie walk the mall at 14 with her boyfriend unsupervised? Because I don't want grandchildren at 43. Embarassing? Maybe. But I don't want grandchildren at 43 and I don't want my 14 year old to have the responsibility of a child. The kids understand the logic. Then we can have a discussion of why God reserved sex for marriage. What does Cass think? Doesn't matter. This is one issue that is not up for discussion until she is 18, has a job and a home of her own.

 

Benjamin, I have tales from my childhood too. It wasn't fair to either of us, but we have to be the one to break the chain of abuse. I think we've both done a good job.

Oh and I'm going to remember the "lucky man" remark. I think my daughter can use that one! :laugh: