Feedback Desired for A New Christian Songwriter

Hi everyone,

I am currently working on several original Christian songs. I have a very rough draft of a first song I am working on that centers on the Crucifixion. I would love any feedback on these songs to make them better. I need to warn you that all of my melodies are otherworldly.

Here is a link to the first song. It is called "A Song of the Cross" since "Surely He Has Borne Our Griefs" is taken by several hymns.

4) A Song of the Cross Rough Sing Through 2.m4a


Thank you.

 

I'm sorry, here are the lyrics taken from Isaiah 53:

Surely He has borne our [g]griefs
And carried our [h]sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
[j]Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded[k] for our transgressions,
He was [l]bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes[m] we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord [n]has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

The staccato effect being annoying was something others have told me about. It's mainly due to doing the song a capella with no metronome. I now intend to play with the rhythm a bit to get more variety, and to take away the kind of pulsing all quarter note rhythm it has currently. However, I have gotten compliments on the melody, and I hope to maintain it close to where it is with these changes. I may need to have an accompaniment.

Thank you for complimenting my voice.

 

I know. I thought of my own version that is more classical and like a version I am familiar with by the Moravians.