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Feedback on my college English paper concerning faith!

skyjoy00

New Member
Hi, I wrote a paper for my college English class concerning faith and would like some feedback/comments/thoughts on it as well if there is anything lacking or missing. This is a persuasive research paper and is not meant to offend Christians or any other persons. My goal for my paper is having an open mind towards other people. Before commenting please read the whole paper, again, so not cause a misunderstanding. Thank you so much!

Christianity: Compassion Through Understanding

Having different sexual orientations is a controversial topic in the Christian church and harsh judgment is put on the LGBT community within the church. Minority of Christians treat being part of the LGBT community as an unforgivable sin; all sin is equal to God and is no different from being an addict or telling a lie. The Christian community should foster understanding towards fellow sinners rather than casting them aside, their issues are seldom aided or understood. Narrow mindedness, the inability to grasp the sufferings of others and display compassion for our fellow man as well as the mindful destructive use and exploitation of others’ weaknesses, goes against Christian ethics.

In the past, there have been instances where scripture was put out of context to justify an individual or group’s own actions against another. Take slavery, one of America’s greatest sins, for example. According to History.com, slavery was initiated with 20, or so slaves arriving in Jamestown, Virginia; 1619, and continued throughout America’s Civil War (1861-1865), ending with over 3.9 million slaves that were immigrated into the United States. European settlers saw slavery as an opportunity, replacing indentured servants with a cheaper and more sufficient labor force, to monopolize plantation farming. America’s Civil War emerged between the North, who determined to have slavery abolished, and the South, who advocated slavery to cheaply dominate business, apathetic to the agony left in their wake. Slavery legally ended with the 13th amendment and slaves gained Citizenship, as well as the right to vote with the 14th and 15th amendments. However, after the Civil War, southerners found a way to maintain the grasp on ‘freed slaves’ by initiating new laws and rules such as sharecropping and Jim Crow Laws. Sharecropping put freed slaves in debt, and made it impossible for them to leave the plantations; Jim Crow Laws enforced legal racial segregation. (Slavery in America, 2009). They justified these laws with scripture, specifically Ephesians 6: 5-6; “5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart” (BibleGateway). Slave owners ignored Ephesians 6:9 stating, “9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him” (BibleGateway). The mistreatment of others is not justified by God. His word was twisted to justify mans’ actions and to abuse, God’s word is most definitely a sin. Maltreatment of others is mistreating God’s people and all are his children, it’s well to keep this in mind while approaching someone concerning their beliefs along with personal faith. Confronting someone regarding their beliefs is a delicate situation and should be handled by expressing understanding, explaining why this is important to Christians, and why, as a community, these convictions are upheld.

In addition to the exploitation of others, being part of the LGBT community and being an addict have more emphasis as a sin compared to swearing, or using the Lord’s name in vain. Why is that? Putting a number on sin can undermine an individual’s personal wrongdoings and in turn, they might feel obligated to criticize others based on the nature of and amount of others’ sins. How does this affect a person seeking redemption and forgiveness, or a non-christian looking for acceptance during their time of need? This is in relation to what Paul Gibbs describes, “In politics today, we see many people proclaiming their Christianity, but, unfortunately, I see far more of the former version than the latter. When our Christianity is used to oppress, marginalize or hurt others, it is not the Christianity of Christ. Nor is it when it is used to motivate imprisoning children, breaking up families or denying basic human dignity or rights to anyone” (Gibbs, 2018). Christians who set others to their standards cause a lack of understanding to those seeking forgiveness and, following, the person receiving harsh criticism might turn sour towards the beliefs that make them feel unworthy of forgiveness. No one has the same background or circumstance as another, who a person is, is characterized by how they were brought up and what they make of the world whether it be for better or worse. This mindset is demonstrated in The Great Gatsby through the character and narrator, Nick Carraway. Early on in the book, Nick remarks that he is “inclined to reserve all judgment” (The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald). The author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, set Nick up as an open-minded observer to his surrounding environment until the end when Nick comes to despise the other characters excluding Gatsby. By the end, Nick earned the right to judge the other characters, because he got to know them and witnessed them making poor ethical decisions. Having a narrow mindset inhibits someone from judging a person properly; through their actions and sense of morality.

A protester might argue, without judgment, sinners wouldn’t acknowledge their sin and would lead a life of unrighteousness. In society, people have their own opinions and the right to voice them, the argument remains that it’s not acceptable to abuse others with harsh words or claim they need to be punished for how they feel. Similarly, “One of the greatest stumbling blocks to Christianity, especially among those who are drawn to the idea of a loving, compassionate God, is the Bible’s teaching on judgment” (The Compassionate Truth About Judgment, 2015). Being a part of the LGBT community might or might not be a sin, but treating all with compassion and understanding as well as having an open mind should be first, thereby withholding judgment on how another is currently leading their life. It is our duty as Christians to point souls into the direction of God and to teach them as well as ourselves the path of righteousness, love, and charity.

Loving one’s neighbor and loving one’s enemy means to understand that everyone’s circumstances are different and that it’s impossible to control all that happens in life. Christians must withhold judgment, have an open mind, and assess oneself first before pointing fingers at others. Allowing people to see Christ within the Christian community by demonstrating the love and compassion God extends to His children on earth will lead the multitude towards the path of righteousness. Illustrated by Readhead, “Being a good neighbor is a one-person movement first of all. Then in company with others, our efforts are multiplied, and like the Biblical account of the feeding of the multitude by Jesus and his disciples we all start sharing till all are fed. This is when the miracle takes place” (1999). Loving fellow sinners enough to give them compassionate judgment will bring endless rewards towards oneself and the people surrounding them.

Works Cited

“BibleGateway.” Ephesians 6 NIV - - Bible Gateway, [www.biblegateway.com/passage/?searc....com/passage/?search=Ephesians+6&version=NIV).

Gibbs, Paul. "Letter: Christianity of the World Vs. Christianity of Christ: Salt Lake Telegram." Deseret News, Nov 02, 2018. ProQuest, Cape Fear Community College library: Proxy server login.

History.com Editors. “Slavery in America.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 12 Nov. 2009, [www.history.com/topics/black-history/slavery](http://www.history.com/topics/black-history/slavery).

Readhead, Ross. "Miracle of Loving One's Neighbour: [Final Edition]." Expositor, Oct 16, 1999, pp. B5. ProQuest, Cape Fear Community College library: Proxy server login.

Sauls, Scott, et al. “The Compassionate Truth About Judgment.” The Gospel Coalition, 20 May 2015, [www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/...icle/the-compassionate-truth-about-judgment/).

“The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.” Enotes.com, Enotes.com, [www.enotes.com/homework-help/great-...y-why-does-f-scott-fitzgerald-present-357960)
 

canadyjd

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the post. I’ll try not to be harsh, but I am usually candid on this kind of thing and, well, you did ask for feedback.

First. You said the paper was about “faith”. I saw no discussion of faith. No definition of faith. No comparison of different faith systems. You may need to rethink the title and attempt to more accurately reflect what you are bring to light.

I’ll stop there and let you respond.

peace to you
 

skyjoy00

New Member
Thanks for the post. I’ll try not to be harsh, but I am usually candid on this kind of thing and, well, you did ask for feedback.

First. You said the paper was about “faith”. I saw no discussion of faith. No definition of faith. No comparison of different faith systems. You may need to rethink the title and attempt to more accurately reflect what you are bring to light.

I’ll stop there and let you respond.

peace to you
So sorry for the mislead! The title is Christianity: Compassion Through Understanding, which is under my description/explanation. It's not about faith, which I shouldn't have put that as my title for this topic, I didn't think about that, again so sorry for the mislead.
 
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canadyjd

Well-Known Member
Next: Your opening paragraph seems out of place to me. There was no introduction. All papers, imo, should should follow the pattern of an introduction that gives an overview of coming content to include major points to be discussed. That is followed by the body of the paper in which examples (your opening paragraph) are given. Lastly, a conclusion that restates the major points and gives the logical end (your last paragraph is good, but more examples should have been given in the body that supports the conclusion that compassion leads to endless rewards)

peace to you
 

HatedByAll

Active Member
I know this will sound harsh, but you jump from subject to subject in such a way, I had no idea what you are trying to say.

For instance, why are you bringing up slavery? What you say about slavery simply says to me you don't know a lot of the nuances of the subject. For instance, it was not only the South that profited from slavery and even in the South the commoner did not support the war effort to keep their slaves. The common man did not have slaves.

But the nuances of slavery is not the point. The point is why bring up slavery at all if the only thing that it does is to show the instructor that you are not going to fully develop the idea and tie it into the rest of the article in such a way that it actually makes it easier to understand what you are trying to say.

Sent from my SM-G930R7 using Tapatalk
 

tyndale1946

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Well if you want feedback according to what you could have said and didn't... And the way you could have said it, and the structure of the paragraphs structure pertaining to the subject and how you addressed or didn't address the subject matter... Talk to my wife, she is a retired English professor... But I read it and she didn't... My personal feed back?... I liked it!... Brother Glen:)
 

xlsdraw

Active Member
Gross misrepresentation of the truth. So in this present extremely wicked day, I'm sure it will be received well.
 

skyjoy00

New Member
Your opening paragraph seems out of place to me. There was no introduction. All papers, imo, should should follow the pattern of an introduction that gives an overview of coming content to include major points to be discussed. That is followed by the body of the paper in which examples (your opening paragraph) are given. Lastly, a conclusion that restates the major points and gives the logical end (your last paragraph is good, but more examples should have been given in the body that supports the conclusion that compassion leads to endless rewards)
I do agree that my introduction was not explained or directed very well, my conclusion is more what my paper is about. When I said "Minority of Christians", it was in reference to my target audience: Christians who condemn/mistreat/judge others without thoroughly assessing themselves or that person and their circumstances. I'll make sure to make that clear in my paper. My goal for the paper: Leading others to Christ by demonstrating the compassion and understanding He extends to us by having an open mind when approaching another person. And properly judging that person after getting to know who they are and if they want to follow the path of righteousness.

For instance, why are you bringing up slavery? What you say about slavery simply says to me you don't know a lot of the nuances of the subject. For instance, it was not only the South that profited from slavery and even in the South the commoner did not support the war effort to keep their slaves. The common man did not have slaves.

But the nuances of slavery is not the point. The point is why bring up slavery at all if the only thing that it does is to show the instructor that you are not going to fully develop the idea and tie it into the rest of the article in such a way that it actually makes it easier to understand what you are trying to say.
I tried to sum up slavery in America as best I could. The south, specifically rich plantation owners (slave-owners), are the main people who profited off of slavery and supported the war effort, not the common man living in the south. I will also clear this up in my paper. Also, I brought up slavery as an example to my opening sentence of the paragraph "In the past, there have been instances where scripture was put out of context to justify an individual or group’s own actions against another". This is relevant to my paper, as it explains, mistreating/condemning others and putting God's Word out of context to justify those actions is a sin and will not lead others to Christ.

Gross misrepresentation of the truth.
Could you elaborate on what I got wrong? Or did I not explain something thoroughly?

Thank you all for your replies and feedback, I wholeheartedly appreciate it and will try to communicate my argument more clearly. If there's anything else that's lacking and needs to be added, or further explained, please let me know!
 

canadyjd

Well-Known Member
Next: You repeatedly make assertions of opinion as fact without any credited support.

For example; Your opening paragraph states members of LGBT community receives “harsh judgment” from the Christian Church A few examples would be good here. Are you speaking only of the Christian church in America? You should say so.

You go on to say, “Minority of Christians treat being part of LGBT community as an unforgivable sin;” Where do you get that stat? Do you have a study or poll that you can quote? This sentence is a fragment.

Your sentence structure needs a major rewrite. You have sentence fragments throughout this paper. If this is a college level project, you need someone you trust to be honest with you to proof read the paper for errors.

I have said a lot and I hope it was helpful. I haven’t commented on the content because I didn’t think that was what you were seeking.

I will leave you with this thought: Any good paper will accurately explain all views. Your paper seems one sided.

You should find someone to quote that offers a counter view. Good luck with the paper.

peace to you
 
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