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Hillbilly Vasectomy

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by FriendofSpurgeon, Sep 26, 2008.

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  1. FriendofSpurgeon

    FriendofSpurgeon Well-Known Member
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    After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in
    Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, and then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

    The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

    'Trust me,' said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held
    the can up to his ear and began to count!


    '1'
    '2'
    '3'
    '4'
    '5'

    At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

    This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, West Virginia...
     
    #1 FriendofSpurgeon, Sep 26, 2008
  2. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    :laugh:

    Did NOT see that coming...
     
    #2 annsni, Sep 26, 2008
  3. Carolina Baptist

    Carolina Baptist Active Member

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    I don't think he did either
     
    #3 Carolina Baptist, Sep 26, 2008
  4. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    He was still counting....
     
    #4 annsni, Sep 26, 2008
  5. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc New Member

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    Only if he was using his toes to count past ten. :laugh:
     
    #5 Jon-Marc, Sep 27, 2008
  6. ray Marshall

    ray Marshall New Member

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    I worked in the West Virginia coal mines. If we had to count over ten, we had to take our boots off.
     
    #6 ray Marshall, Sep 27, 2008
  7. John Toppass

    John Toppass Active Member
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    Only the rich side of the family had boots. You were one of the lucky ones.
     
    #7 John Toppass, Sep 28, 2008
  8. ajg1959

    ajg1959 New Member

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    He may have enough fingers and toes to count to 20, but he'll never make it to 21 again!!!!!:laugh:

    AJ
     
    #8 ajg1959, Sep 28, 2008
  9. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
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    Most of my cousins can't could to ten: loss of digits to fireworks, chainsaws, and other power equipement.

    The Truth: I am missing the 1st knuckle on my left index finger due to an attempt to make a shotgun at age 9. I didn't say "failed attempt", because the shotgun shell DID fire. I think I said to my friend just before the discharge, "Hold the pipe, I've got it now!"

    The Truth II: My family worked in the printing industry for years. All I can say about printing presses and other industrial equipement is"Be Careful. Those things BITE!"

    Nine Fingered Tom
     
    #9 BroTom64, Sep 29, 2008
  10. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc New Member

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    I found that out the hard way. I was working in a printing shop and had the clamp on a paper cutting machine come down on the middle finger of my right hand. I let out a blood curdling scream that scared everyone as the clamp came down on my finger and squashed it. The end popped open, and the insides came out. The pain was agonizing, and I was out of work for two weeks. I didn't need that long but was told I had to stay out of work that long to get workman's comp. That finger swelled up and never did go down to it's normal size, but at least I can use it. I just thank God I got my finger out of the way before the cutting blade came down. :eek:
     
    #10 Jon-Marc, Sep 29, 2008
  11. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
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    Yeah, I've used that style cutter before. 1500 lb clamp pressure to hold a ream of paper (500 sheets) then the guillotine blade slices through the paper like it's butter. Ours had a safety feature, to keep your hands from under the blade, but the clamp was controled by a foot petal. Watch your fingers!

    Many jobs can be very dangerous epsecially Preaching!

    Tom
     
    #11 BroTom64, Sep 30, 2008
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