Matt22:37-39
New Member
BEEN THINKING THE LAST FEW DAY OF ALL THE BIG AND SMALL GOD NUGGETS. It’s been almost a year this month since I came forward to make God #1 in my life…That was the actual message. I am sure if one scrolled back to this time last year you would still see me, Edie and the core of who I am….but you would hopefully see a closer walk with God…I’m getting to that 100% mark I had mentioned in an earlier post. One of Satan 0…….100 God. It is only as we allow God to control in even the little things in our life. Can the Holy Spirit do His job. Remember God has a part and I have a part. It is also about keeping “Short Accounts”…I will be writing about this next today, Lord willing.
Anyway, There are many factors that were involved in this process of repentance, faith, trust, self control, and forgiveness of others…basically the FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. I’ve been even stronger in the past as a new Christian for a good 14 years. So I know what it is like to be all over the scale. 1999 started a decline and soon after to the point of my lowest after my divorce 5 years ago…Like my weight I will only go so far before major work needs to be done. I still have a skinny mind lol….Obviously what I was doing in the last few years wasn’t working ; I finally put that FAITH (that which was stolen from me) out there and said over and over OK, God let’s see what you can do, I’ll yield to you the best of my ability and cry a lot too. Baby steps, I kept record for the most part. I came to the point where I wasn’t taking in UNSAFE people and bad circumstances, out of desperation of taking the house back over. I felt like God and the church left me so I needed to find new replacements, hmmm, not such a good idea. I assumed in MY thinking I can make it work, (I’m in control) when in reality I should have seen the signs, I mean how many of the same cookie cutter do I need to see even before the renters before I “GET IT?”…evidently many. I kept making the mistake and “gave the benefit of the doubt”…”do the Christian thing”….when I should have trusted my instincts and God. Now I am excellent at it and for several months have had nothing but GOOD people in my home and in my life in general. I only choose PROFESSIONALS now, people who have a life and job in my home. I may have one man coming and another possible woman (animal person) temp 2 months and I have temp right now. I am thankful for all the beautiful inside and out young people my kids age that he has put in my life…which make me feel young again and they are my boys ages, so I get an idea of how these ages are again. Nate 27 I’ve only seen 6 maybe 7 times in over 7 years. And I’m thankful for the adults I have recently met as well.
Anyway, I honestly believe this is because I WAITED Isaiah 40:31…”but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall walk and not be weary they shall run and not be faint.”
I prayed throughout the day, as I had no one else to talk to and how could I not cry out to God, ask question and seek answers. Just might be why He had me so alone. I have learned to be alone, not saying I like it and I that am at total peace with it. But I don’t have the bits of anxiety I use to have which until my divorce I never had before. The spurts of depression are getting less, (for one holiday and B-days and the sun help lots) for as I see God work I am seeing a PURPOSE a HOPE, a light at the end of the tunnel. I had a feeling if I just LET GO of the “Baiters” and “Unsafe” people in my life God would provide good ones and He has (still want a lifelong mate and best friend who lives nearby) for the most part surrounded me with safe people and even one that are believers…lol…He has provided safe churches or so I hope so…only time will tell. I always said last year and this one was my time of RESTORATION did I not? NO MORE DRAMA!
I have found restoration with school mates in the past, through old friends and acquaintances thanks to Face book. Even a family member who didn’t last long cause they didn’t maybe like my God posts, not sure as we never talked, ad yet live in the same town, so do his parents...so I am sure things about me got back to my parents, that is ok, I have nothing to hide, if I did I wouldn’t have put it on FB. Even though most of what I write on here and other places isn’t acknowledged, God has shown me He is doing it through me, it isn’t about me, so keep going, don’t be ashamed if you said too much, if you stepped on some toes, if you pissed some off and they deleted you…keep writing and sharing, for I am with you. I never expected you to be PERFECT. God has sent people to tell me “Everything is going to be ok”…basically strangers. That was weird..Don’t let Satan lie to you about WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST and HIS PLANS FOR YOU AS YOU FOLLOW HIM. That is all we are called to do is follow/yield/submit and I see why. I am not to control others life much less my own….I find the closer I am to God in my relationship with Him, He makes it so MY DESIRES are His…I knew this as I’ve been there before….my post on the HOLY SPIRIT explained how this works. The work comes from the INSIDE OUT not the outside in.
I’m able to enjoy where I am at right now, Like Paul said in Philippians. I am thankful I can do what I want I am stress free. Funny thing is this is something I pretty much have always had since my ex always let me be who I was and do what I wanted, sad to say to the extreme…he trusted me and I him. But his love for me bordered on serious enabling. Anyway, point being…I am glad I can write when I feel led, I am thankful, I can get up and dance or play my tambourine when I feel like it, watch tv, or whatever. Just had a lady stop by to tell me a few goats were in the rd…OK, everything on pause and I thought hey this is my opportunity, she looks like a country gal with her border collie in the car and all. So I asked if she wouldn’t mind helping get the goats from one pasture to the other….and we did real quick like and I thanked God for such an opportunity…something I tried by myself a few weeks ago and only half followed, and those half got out of where I put them…OH no, have to close that gate before they do it again…be right back…ok, that’s how they got out last time 4th pasture. So cool to be “free” in that sense when many are not. Who knows, surrounded by the right people I might even enjoy my life again. I’m finding it easier to FORGIVE the way I talked about… like the school yard kids who are told by an adult “say you are sorry”…when they really don’t want to. True forgiveness isn’t mandated it should just flow. It should come from the inside out and now it does more than it use to.
I’m thankful for all the conformations in person and via the internet, on my calling or through the Lords voice, whether in my thoughts or when reading. Why do I so often DOUBT that which has so been confirmed?…is it my adult child inside of me reminded me of all the negative remarks that were said to me growing up? By both peers and adults, those who were supposed to be “on my side” and were suppose to protect me?”But I know better…I know they are the LIES that I talk about…IT AINT ABOUT ME…unless it is about me, than I need to make things right…NEXT TOPIC will be on that. It is about God’s will and glory and others. And is why I keep on keeping on.
And that is why you got to keep keeping on.
Anyway, There are many factors that were involved in this process of repentance, faith, trust, self control, and forgiveness of others…basically the FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT. I’ve been even stronger in the past as a new Christian for a good 14 years. So I know what it is like to be all over the scale. 1999 started a decline and soon after to the point of my lowest after my divorce 5 years ago…Like my weight I will only go so far before major work needs to be done. I still have a skinny mind lol….Obviously what I was doing in the last few years wasn’t working ; I finally put that FAITH (that which was stolen from me) out there and said over and over OK, God let’s see what you can do, I’ll yield to you the best of my ability and cry a lot too. Baby steps, I kept record for the most part. I came to the point where I wasn’t taking in UNSAFE people and bad circumstances, out of desperation of taking the house back over. I felt like God and the church left me so I needed to find new replacements, hmmm, not such a good idea. I assumed in MY thinking I can make it work, (I’m in control) when in reality I should have seen the signs, I mean how many of the same cookie cutter do I need to see even before the renters before I “GET IT?”…evidently many. I kept making the mistake and “gave the benefit of the doubt”…”do the Christian thing”….when I should have trusted my instincts and God. Now I am excellent at it and for several months have had nothing but GOOD people in my home and in my life in general. I only choose PROFESSIONALS now, people who have a life and job in my home. I may have one man coming and another possible woman (animal person) temp 2 months and I have temp right now. I am thankful for all the beautiful inside and out young people my kids age that he has put in my life…which make me feel young again and they are my boys ages, so I get an idea of how these ages are again. Nate 27 I’ve only seen 6 maybe 7 times in over 7 years. And I’m thankful for the adults I have recently met as well.
Anyway, I honestly believe this is because I WAITED Isaiah 40:31…”but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall walk and not be weary they shall run and not be faint.”
I prayed throughout the day, as I had no one else to talk to and how could I not cry out to God, ask question and seek answers. Just might be why He had me so alone. I have learned to be alone, not saying I like it and I that am at total peace with it. But I don’t have the bits of anxiety I use to have which until my divorce I never had before. The spurts of depression are getting less, (for one holiday and B-days and the sun help lots) for as I see God work I am seeing a PURPOSE a HOPE, a light at the end of the tunnel. I had a feeling if I just LET GO of the “Baiters” and “Unsafe” people in my life God would provide good ones and He has (still want a lifelong mate and best friend who lives nearby) for the most part surrounded me with safe people and even one that are believers…lol…He has provided safe churches or so I hope so…only time will tell. I always said last year and this one was my time of RESTORATION did I not? NO MORE DRAMA!
I have found restoration with school mates in the past, through old friends and acquaintances thanks to Face book. Even a family member who didn’t last long cause they didn’t maybe like my God posts, not sure as we never talked, ad yet live in the same town, so do his parents...so I am sure things about me got back to my parents, that is ok, I have nothing to hide, if I did I wouldn’t have put it on FB. Even though most of what I write on here and other places isn’t acknowledged, God has shown me He is doing it through me, it isn’t about me, so keep going, don’t be ashamed if you said too much, if you stepped on some toes, if you pissed some off and they deleted you…keep writing and sharing, for I am with you. I never expected you to be PERFECT. God has sent people to tell me “Everything is going to be ok”…basically strangers. That was weird..Don’t let Satan lie to you about WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST and HIS PLANS FOR YOU AS YOU FOLLOW HIM. That is all we are called to do is follow/yield/submit and I see why. I am not to control others life much less my own….I find the closer I am to God in my relationship with Him, He makes it so MY DESIRES are His…I knew this as I’ve been there before….my post on the HOLY SPIRIT explained how this works. The work comes from the INSIDE OUT not the outside in.
I’m able to enjoy where I am at right now, Like Paul said in Philippians. I am thankful I can do what I want I am stress free. Funny thing is this is something I pretty much have always had since my ex always let me be who I was and do what I wanted, sad to say to the extreme…he trusted me and I him. But his love for me bordered on serious enabling. Anyway, point being…I am glad I can write when I feel led, I am thankful, I can get up and dance or play my tambourine when I feel like it, watch tv, or whatever. Just had a lady stop by to tell me a few goats were in the rd…OK, everything on pause and I thought hey this is my opportunity, she looks like a country gal with her border collie in the car and all. So I asked if she wouldn’t mind helping get the goats from one pasture to the other….and we did real quick like and I thanked God for such an opportunity…something I tried by myself a few weeks ago and only half followed, and those half got out of where I put them…OH no, have to close that gate before they do it again…be right back…ok, that’s how they got out last time 4th pasture. So cool to be “free” in that sense when many are not. Who knows, surrounded by the right people I might even enjoy my life again. I’m finding it easier to FORGIVE the way I talked about… like the school yard kids who are told by an adult “say you are sorry”…when they really don’t want to. True forgiveness isn’t mandated it should just flow. It should come from the inside out and now it does more than it use to.
I’m thankful for all the conformations in person and via the internet, on my calling or through the Lords voice, whether in my thoughts or when reading. Why do I so often DOUBT that which has so been confirmed?…is it my adult child inside of me reminded me of all the negative remarks that were said to me growing up? By both peers and adults, those who were supposed to be “on my side” and were suppose to protect me?”But I know better…I know they are the LIES that I talk about…IT AINT ABOUT ME…unless it is about me, than I need to make things right…NEXT TOPIC will be on that. It is about God’s will and glory and others. And is why I keep on keeping on.
And that is why you got to keep keeping on.
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