I think that maybe I don't even have faith

[xdisciplex]

I think it's senseless asking questions and getting hundred different replies.
I wish I had some real people and wasn't forced to seek for help online.
All these advice don't help me. I don't have this "who cares? this life means nothing. i only look forward to eternity" mindset. First of all I have to reach eternity, you know?
First of all I have to last until the end!
I don't know if anybody here really has such an attitude and counts this life for nothing and doesn't care if he suffers or not. But I don't have it!
Shall I become totally nihilistic and despise everything? Man, I already hate my life! I already hate it! But I don't hate life in general. But when I read some of the replies here I get the impression that wanting to simply be "happy" and not suffering and not being worried and scared is a sin because Paul suffered. Oh yeah. And this means that I also have to suffer, right? This suffering-theology drags me down. I don't know if here are simply many people which suffer and which think that God wants us to suffer or where this comes from but it only makes it worse.

 

[DHK]

I wish I had some real people and wasn't forced to seek for help online.

Who is forcing you to seek for help on line. You do that of your own volition. The best thing you can do is to go off-line, off the BB; off of the computer completely, and open up your Bible, and spend time with God. Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. What is your relationship with Christ like? Spend time with Him and get to know him better, instead of spending time here.

 

[Amy.G]

XDX, You need to treat your depression with medication. God has offered you help, but if you refuse to accept it you can't blame Him and say He didn't answer your prayers. When we're sick, we seek medical care regardless if it's an infection, surgery or depression. You must be willing to accept the help God has provided you.
I have asked you before, but you didn't answer. Where is your family?

 

[xdisciplex]

Spend time with Him and get to know him better, instead of spending time here.

That's what I tried last night which made me feel even worse. But I think you don't understand this.

 

[KenH]

As I heard many years ago - happiness is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God. And it is true.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a person turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

- Author Unknown

 

[xdisciplex]

Which presence? Do you think you have really ever been in his manifest presence?
I am talking about his real presence. Not this "God is everywhere" stuff.
Things like God's presence are used inflationary just like the term "relationship with God" or "knowing God". It sounds as if you could really know him and his thoughts, as if you could hear him and talk to him just the way you talk to a human being. I think that not many people here have such a realtionship, I also dont have it.

 

[Helen]

xdx, all our answers have been the same. They are not different, nor are they trite. We are all trying to point you toward our Lord and our God, Christ Jesus.

 

[Helen]

Which presence? Do you think you have really ever been in his manifest presence?
I am talking about his real presence. Not this "God is everywhere" stuff.
Things like God's presence are used inflationary just like the term "relationship with God" or "knowing God". It sounds as if you could really know him and his thoughts, as if you could hear him and talk to him just the way you talk to a human being. I think that not many people here have such a realtionship, I also dont have it.

You are right. Not too many people have that relationship. But it is available to you. I do talk to Him just like I talk to a human being. He has made Himself available to us that way. He does not remove the hardships, but He walks us through them. I live with pain everyday of my life. I also live with His grace to function through it. It does tire me out, but it rarely gets me down. You see, I cannot help the pain. I cannot change the hardships. But I can decide how I want to respond and God makes is possible to respond in a way that glorifies Him and not me. And THAT is the purpose of my life.

 

[xdisciplex]

xdx, all our answers have been the same. They are not different, nor are they trite. We are all trying to point you toward our Lord and our God, Christ Jesus.

And?

I think you dont understand it. It seems like I belong to the rare kind of people which simply have problems understanding why an omnipotent,loving God allows his children to suffer. Sorry, but I dont get it. I really dont get it. Would you want your children to suffer? No.
Why should God want it? Maybe the baptist theology is simply messed up, who knows. I find no comfort at all in this theology which makes God out to be a passive watcher and who lets his people suffer for no reason. This makes no sense.

 

[KenH]

If you haven't read the Biblical book of Job, maybe you should. Job had many complaints. Read how God answered him.

 

[annsni]

xdx - What you are struggling with is two-fold. One is the physical depression and if this is something that is ongoing, you should see a doctor about getting on some medication. Depression is real and there are times that medication is required and not something that is shameful.

Secondly, you are struggling spiritually and that is a time to go find an older Christian who can mentor/disciple/counsel you. It's best to have someone who you can see face-to-face but if that's absolutely impossible, then online might work. Stop looking to other people and websites to figure out what you believe - read Scripture for yourself. Sometimes if I'm struggling, I'll read the Psalms - David also seemed to struggle with depression at times.

I pray that you can find someone who can help you through this.

Ann

 

[DQuixote]

Today I have read, finally, inspiring words, from so many, one after the other. I appreciate being able to hear what each of you say. Mr. xdisciplex, these are Christian believers doing their best, with God's help, to help you. God reaches out to you in the bible and he reaches out through his followers. He speaks to you through them, only because they look first to his word. They ask for no glory for themselves. They pray only that they reflect his love for you. Please receive their prayers with gladness!

 

[Dustin]

xd, do what I do and pray that God would increase your faith! I do everyday, same as I pray for daily grace and sanctification and repentence and wisdom. It also helps to remember that God knows what you need before you even pray for it. Sometimes I get confused or tired and I say "Father, you know my heart, you know my needs, if it is Your will, grant me Thy peace, if not, grant me wisdom so that I might know Your will, set me straight and guide my path by the truth of Your Word." Times like that help me remember how small and sinful I am, and how much I do fall, how I fall so short, it's humbling, but that's good beyond my puny understanding.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Dustin

 

[El_Guero]

You need a mentor.

And it might not hurt for you to seek biblical counseling - secular counseling if you do not have a competent biblical counselor near you.

I will pray for you.

Wayne

I thought about this today.
Either you believe the things which the bible says or you don't. Either you believe that Jesus died for you and that God loves you or you don't. But in my case it was always that I wanted a personal proof from God that he loves me, that Jesus didn't just die for everybody but that he also died for me because then I can also think maybe he simply died for all but there are some which he died more for than for others.
I don't know, maybe I simply don't really believe this. I mean if I believed this then shouldn't I be happy? But I'm not happy at all.
To me it simply makes no sense. If God loves me so much and paid such a huge price for me then why doesn't he help me when I have problems and feel miserable? This is like giving somebody a cheque for 1 million but then you don't give him a few cents for something else. I don't understand this.
In such moments I simply question God's love. I can't help. To me it makes no sense. If God simply doesn't seem to be there and if God is always silent and you needed help and don't know what to do then wouldn't you also ask yourself why?
How does this fit together? If he loves me so much then why is he silent? And in these moments I think what if he doesn't care or what if he has left me and I cannot defend myself against these thoughts. I cannot simply quote a bible verse and then be happy, it doesn't work.
Why doesn't God give me what I needed? I wish he would simply show me that he cares about me and let me know what he also cares about my problems but he's always silent. This can drive you crazy, it really can. :tear:
If I could I would just make him say something to me but this silence is really the worst. If he at least told me what he doesn't like about me then I could at least try to work on this, but I don't know anything. I don't know what he thinks or wether he's angry or wether this silence is a punishment for something. I simply have no clue. This makes God and prayer look so powerless as if God doesn't intervene today anymore. As if God just watches everything but he doesn't do anything. I wish I would see God do something. But maybe my doubts, which I don't want to have, but I still have them, make everything only worse and God sits up there and says: "Well, I would have done something but now where he doubts me I won't. Sorry."

I simply don't get it. In the bible God did miracles and intervened but when I pray I feel like everything is so senseless and it seems as if God is too powerless to do something. This is the impression which I get when I pray and ask God for help and nothing happens. I don't want to do God wrong but I am simply whacked and clueless.



And then always the hoping that maybe others can help me. Maybe the mighty man of God who claims to hear God and to experience miracle after miracle but when I go to him for help what do I get? No real help. Maybe God simply doesn't want to help me, maybe this is the explanation.

 

[TaterTot]

xdx,
you mention that you dont even know who God is. Are you doing anything to learn about Who He is? At a time when I was struggling too, I started seeking out Who He is and I asked Him to show me, and He did. (Through scripture and through circumstances/experiences mainly.) Trace how He worked thru the OT and read systematically thru the Psalms.

I hate to see you struggle so.

 

[El_Guero]

xd

You just do not get it. God and His love are not complicated.

You continue to complicate your life by filling your head with pretend prophets instead of with the Word of God.

You need to be discipled. No matter what the cost.

You need to move out of your present place of allowing yourself to be guided those that sound good and move to become a student of someone that is sound and guided by the Good Book.

http://www.licc.org.uk/imagine/workshops?PHPSESSID=5a67850c3a8115b8fb5d548277a14f00

YWAM has some classes near you - they are pentecostal, but I would rather see you discipled than to continue to live in the purgatory you have placed your self in.

And?

I think you dont understand it. It seems like I belong to the rare kind of people which simply have problems understanding why an omnipotent,loving God allows his children to suffer. Sorry, but I dont get it. I really dont get it. Would you want your children to suffer? No.
Why should God want it? Maybe the baptist theology is simply messed up, who knows. I find no comfort at all in this theology which makes God out to be a passive watcher and who lets his people suffer for no reason. This makes no sense.

 

[bapmom]

xd,

you said reading your Bible made you feel worse........maybe God is trying to get ahold of your attention. No, God does not take pleasure in seeing His children suffer. But are you sure He is your Father? Please remember, Ive seen you some and talked to you some, but I don't know you well, yet. So I must ask....are you sure you are His child? That is the first question to answer....and not because you are suffering, but because of how you react to it.

Everyone has hard things they go through. Everyone. Those who you think are happy because they have no problems.....they DO have problems. Just maybe not the same ones you have. We aren't saying that you have to suffer through life, dragging yourself around as if doing some sort of penance. We are saying the exact opposite. If you knew what some of these others who have posted have gone through, and are going through now, you'd think they'd be depressed all the time. But they aren't because God is their strength. They aren't suffering silently, just hanging on until they die.......they are truly joyful.....even if some of the circumstances around them are hard to take.

You said you tried reading your Bible and it only made you feel worse........tonight try reading your Bible and not stopping until you figure out WHY it makes you feel worse. Then keep reading until you get the answer. Then go and pray and don't stop until you get an answer from God.

 

[xdisciplex]

I dont think that there is a christian counselor who has the time to listen to all my stuff and to get to know me and to understand how I function. This would take so much time. I dont think anybody like this exists who is willing to invest so much time and who also has such much time. Come on. Let's simply be realistic. This isn't some hollywood movie which always has a happy end. I have noone like this.
And do you think that I could simply go to a stranger and talk about everything? This doesn't work. First of all you have to trust somebody. It's not the same as simply talking about something on the internet.

 

[Amy.G]

XDX, I really do not understand why you cannot go to church. Maybe you would be willing to explain it to me. You keep saying there is nobody that could mentor you, but if you would just go to church you would get all the mentoring you need. Here in the U.S. churches will send someone to pick you up if you aren't able to drive or don't have a car. Why can't you get to a church?

 

[xdisciplex]

Come on. No pastor in the world has time to talk to me about all my problems every day. This would take such a long time. How in the world do you imagine this? Do you think I am the only one who has problems? Let's just say there are 10 people with problems. What is the pastor supposed to do? Counsel everyone of them? You will quickly reach a point where this is simply not possible anymore. No pastor has so much time! Pastors are busy. Or do you think that I go to a pastor and talk about my problems for 1 hour and then everything is fine? Or do you think that talking to a pastor once in a while helps me? No.