I think that maybe I don't even have faith

[Jim1999]

Xdisciplex,

I am going to speak frankly now. I don't think you really want help. Everything I read in your posts is Me, Me, Me. People give scriptural answers and you fluff them off. People suggest going to your pastor, the logical thing to do, and you find another excuse. You have more excuses than any book could contain.

Come back when you have reached the point where someone can help you.

Cheers,

Jim:BangHead:

 

[annsni]

So you, in the midst of your struggles, are deciding that there is no one to help you. Trust me, it can certainly seem that way but it's not true. Sure, it may take time - struggles take time to develop too but there ARE people out there who can help you. I know in our church, we have people who come in for counselling almost daily for a while - that's why we have such a large counselling staff and if we can't deal with it for some reason, we have professionals who work with us to help whoever we can. I have a dear friend who was sexually, emotionally and physically abused through her whole childhood - in an occultic setting. You want to talk about problems!! This poor girl has been struggling for so many years and it wasn't until recently that she found excellent help through an organization in Florida where she had to go live for 2 weeks to get started so that she could be in counselling full-time (her issues were beyond what we could deal with so we had to find someplace that dealt specifically with her dissassociative disorders). We ended up having a teen girl come live with us for months so that we could work with her full-time to get her through so many of her issues (also sexually abused as a child). There ARE people out there who can help - you need to find them.

 

[Amy.G]

Come on. No pastor in the world has time to talk to me about all my problems every day. This would take such a long time. How in the world do you imagine this? Do you think I am the only one who has problems? Let's just say there are 10 people with problems. What is the pastor supposed to do? Counsel everyone of them? You will quickly reach a point where this is simply not possible anymore. No pastor has so much time! Pastors are busy. Or do you think that I go to a pastor and talk about my problems for 1 hour and then everything is fine? Or do you think that talking to a pastor once in a while helps me? No.

You don't have to spend an hour a day with a pastor to be discipled. You are making excuses. You are discipled when your hear the pastor preach, when you are in Bible study or Sunday school class. If you really want to learn and become part of the body of Christ, you are going to HAVE to get involved in a church. You cannot do it on your own.
"not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25
Are you willing to make the effort? That's what you need to ask yourself.

 

[xdisciplex]

What shall I say?

Do you not see that first of all I needed something to make me feel better and not discipleship? Being "discipled" and listening to sermons, which I do anyway, does not help me with my depression. I don't understand why you don't get this.

And simply talking doesn't solve all issues. I know a christian psychologist who called me a few times in the past, he did his best to help me but he also cannot simply make all my problems vanish! It's not possible. In order to feel "normal" I needed somebody around me 24/7!!!!
But this is not possible. But maybe this is the next advice which I get, to find a pastor who will disciple me and who is also willing to move in to my house to offer me counseling 24/7. I'm waiting for this advice. :thumbsup:

 

[El_Guero]

If you do not find someone . . . I doubt that you will get better. And as you get worse, I think your depression will consume you.

I dont think that there is a christian counselor who has the time to listen to all my stuff and to get to know me and to understand how I function. This would take so much time. I dont think anybody like this exists who is willing to invest so much time and who also has such much time. Come on. Let's simply be realistic. This isn't some hollywood movie which always has a happy end. I have noone like this.
And do you think that I could simply go to a stranger and talk about everything? This doesn't work. First of all you have to trust somebody. It's not the same as simply talking about something on the internet.

 

[xdisciplex]

El, you don't know me, okay?

If I went to a christian counselor I wouldn't even know where to start! This is multi-layered. Shall I simply go there and say that I am depressive? This won't do much. And after all I have been to a psychologist in the past. A secular one. He also wasn't able to help me. Why should a christian counselor suddenly be able to help me with everything? And like I already said I know a christian psychologist who has called me a few times. He understood my stuff pretty well and also did his best but he also couldn't "cure" me.
I think if something is able to really make a difference then it's antidepressants. I think that this is the main problem. If I really have an imbalance then this has to be fixed otherwise I will never be able to react normally. Right now everything is dragging me down even the most trivial things make me feel like getting a nervous breakdown. Now I only have to find the right medication. Talking alone can not solve this problem.

 

[El_Guero]

xdx

I do not need to know you. You want everything your way, and you want it now, and you want it easy.

You have been expressing issues for quite some time.

You have an anger towards any true authority, but you expect God (the ultimate authority) to just make it 'better.' Until you learn to move more slowly, and let God change you slowly over time, I doubt that you will get better.

All I can do for you is pray.

I offered to find discipleship programs in Germany.

So, I continue to pray.

El, you don't know me, okay?

If I went to a christian counselor I wouldn't even know where to start! This is multi-layered. Shall I simply go there and say that I am depressive? This won't do much. And after all I have been to a psychologist in the past. A secular one. He also wasn't able to help me. Why should a christian counselor suddenly be able to help me with everything? And like I already said I know a christian psychologist who has called me a few times. He understood my stuff pretty well and also did his best but he also couldn't "cure" me.

 

[Amy.G]

What shall I say?

Do you not see that first of all I needed something to make me feel better and not discipleship? Being "discipled" and listening to sermons, which I do anyway, does not help me with my depression. I don't understand why you don't get this.

And simply talking doesn't solve all issues. I know a christian psychologist who called me a few times in the past, he did his best to help me but he also cannot simply make all my problems vanish! It's not possible. In order to feel "normal" I needed somebody around me 24/7!!!!
But this is not possible. But maybe this is the next advice which I get, to find a pastor who will disciple me and who is also willing to move in to my house to offer me counseling 24/7. I'm waiting for this advice. :thumbsup:

Yes. I get it. We've had this conversation many times remember? Your dr. gave you medication which you refuse to take. You're right. Talking is not enough. You must first treat the disease. I get it. Do you?
I would still like to know why you are unwilling to go to church?

 

[xdisciplex]

Where is the difference between sitting a church and listening and listening at home? No difference. I can also listen to sermons at home. In a church I would not be more than a visitor. One of many who sits there. This doesn't help me.

 

[Amy.G]

Where is the difference between sitting a church and listening and listening at home? No difference. I can also listen to sermons at home. In a church I would not be more than a visitor. One of many who sits there. This doesn't help me.

The difference is human interaction. We are told to ASSEMBLE TOGETHER. I would think you would want to please God by worshiping with other believers like He has told us to do. We have to step out in obedience even when we don't feel like or think we know better than God.
You are only a visitor once. After that you are part of the body. Get involved. Be obedient. God will bless you for it.

 

[xdisciplex]

which human interaction?

oh man...do you think all christians are friends?

i have been to campus for christ for 1 whole semester. after i didnt go there anymore nobody cared! on the meetings i was always the idiot who stood there all alone while the others were chatting with each other. nobody cared about me.
time to wake up.
if i went to a church where i know nobody i would just sit there and listen and that's it. great deal, huh? this would really change everything, right? the grass would be greener and the sun would be brighter only because i go to church and listen to the pastor. yeah right....

 

[Amy.G]

which human interaction?

oh man...do you think all christians are friends?

i have been to campus for christ for 1 whole semester. after i didnt go there anymore nobody cared! on the meetings i was always the idiot who stood there all alone while the others were chatting with each other. nobody cared about me.
time to wake up.
if i went to a church where i know nobody i would just sit there and listen and that's it. great deal, huh? this would really change everything, right? the grass would be greener and the sun would be brighter only because i go to church and listen to the pastor. yeah right....

XD, you have to reach out to others. And friendships don't happen instantly. When I started going to church, I went alone. It was weird at first, but I was determined to become a PART of the church. Now I have a lot of friends. But if I'd had your attitude, I would still be sitting alone in the corner or listening to sermons at home.

 

[Amy.G]

Here is what I've heard from you in the last several months:

I won't go to church...it won't help me.
I won't take my medication...it won't help me.
I won't read the Bible...it won't help me.
God won't answer my prayers.
Nobody cares.
Nobody understands.
I don't like people.

Do you see a problem here?

 

[xdisciplex]

But what if I am nobody who reaches out to others?
I am not like that and besides this people don't like me. I see how the react towards me. Most people in my age don't like me or at least don't feel drawn to me. I am tired of this. I won't peddle with christians trying to make them become my friends.

No. I do not not read in the bible! But when I try to it only frustrates me! Don't turn around the words in my mouth.
Do you think I'm lying or what? I have written often enough about my problems with the bible how I don't understand it and how I only get new questions but never find answers. The more I read the more I realize that I know zilch! This is very frustrating.
I'm tired. Good night.

 

[Amy.G]

But what if I am nobody who reaches out to others?
I am not like that and besides this people don't like me. I see how the react towards me. Most people in my age don't like me or at least don't feel drawn to me. I am tired of this. I won't peddle with christians trying to make them become my friends.

Then you have chosen to be alone.

 

[Helen]

But what if I am nobody who reaches out to others?
I am not like that and besides this people don't like me. I see how the react towards me. Most people in my age don't like me or at least don't feel drawn to me. I am tired of this. I won't peddle with christians trying to make them become my friends.

No. I do not not read in the bible! But when I try to it only frustrates me! Don't turn around the words in my mouth.
Do you think I'm lying or what? I have written often enough about my problems with the bible how I don't understand it and how I only get new questions but never find answers. The more I read the more I realize that I know zilch! This is very frustrating.
I'm tired. Good night.

If you want to have a friend, you need to be a friend.

About reading the Bible. Read the Gospel of John first, OK? Then go to Philippians and read that. They are both very encouraging parts to read.

 

[xdisciplex]

If you want to have a friend, you need to be a friend.

Yes. Maybe I first of all have to give everybody a present and do favors for them and then maybe as a result they will consider being my friends. This would indeed be great friends.... :love2:

 

[Amy.G]

Yes. Maybe I first of all have to give everybody a present and do favors for them and then maybe as a result they will consider being my friends. This would indeed be great friends.... :love2:

No, but you have to put others before yourself. I think you have a big problem with that.

 

[Helen]

Being a friend means not looking out for yourself and not doing things for other because you expect something in return. It means caring about them for their own sakes.

xdx, I honestly have come across VERY few people in my life (and I will be 59 this year) who are as centered on themselves as you are. If you are the only thing you care about in this world, then you are all you will have in this world. No wonder you are lonely and confused!

Is there ANYTHING or ANYONE you care about besides yourself?

 

[annsni]

XDX - Find a church and go. Don't look to take anything more than what God wants you to take home. Maybe a word in the message - or even the special music. Then the next week, go again. If there are any interesting classes, go take them. Are there ministries you can get involved in? Join them. When you go, and are real - being yourself - you will get to know people and make friends. We went to our church for 5 months without doing ANYTHING even though my DH was an elder in our old church. We needed to sit back and be fed. We met a couple of people who seemed very nice. 2 invited us to their small groups and we went to one of them. We developed further friendships just by doing life together. We're now at the church for 11 years and my DH is one of the pastors - yeah, we ended up getting REALLY involved. :laugh:

Just take it one step at a time rather than looking down the road too far. I used to go on bike trips - riding 500 miles in 8 days. I remember my first day having to ride over 100 miles - it was over 100 degrees and 98% humidity. I woke up so discouraged thinking I couldn't do it. I rode that day looking at one hill, one rest stop, one break at a time. At the end of the day, I rode 107 miles!! I was amazed!! Don't look to a year down the road. Look to this Sunday. Go and see what God wants to tell you. Be open - don't be cynical. Know that God loves you and has a plan for you.