I was a tattle tail...and I still pay the price for doing it

[righteousdude2]

I'll try to make this short.

I worked for the state department of social services, and in my position, I was a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse, neglect and other things relating to the well being of children.

My position was in low level management, and we licensed child care homes, including foster care, etc.

My sister-in-law [now deceased] and brother had a license for foster care, and even though my office wasn't directly responsible for her house, she bragged to her social worker that her B-I-L was a supervisor for DSS.

One thing led to another, and she was being investigated for keeping an unkept house, and being so depressed at times, that she'd lock herself in the bedroom and leave the foster baby in the care of her pre-teen and teenaged kids!

We were invited to go to a football game to watch her two daughters perform. One was a cheerleader the other in the band! We went, and like football games, it was a damp [light rain], low 50's night. When we got there, they had the baby, and my S-I-L informed us that they had just gotten back from the Er seven hours earlier as the baby had a fever seizure and was diagnosed with strep throat. The baby was on anti-biotics and currently had a 101 degree temp! Of course, she had the baby bundled up, and had a blanket over his head. Still, he cried throughout the game.

In my mind and according to law, this was neglect, maybe not if it is your own baby, but when a ward of the court is assigned to you to care for, it is neglect. Because I knew she was already being investigated, and that she told the worker to contact me if they wanted to know about how "great a foster parent she was?"

I discussed this with my boss the following Monday, and she agreed that this was questionable enough to report it to protect me and my job. BTW - that was a Friday night game, and on Saturday morning, they were back in the ER, as the baby's temp spiked at 103, and they told the doctor about being at the game. What I didn't know at that time [when talking to my boss] was that the doctor reported them too, as she had seen the medical notes from 24 hours earlier and felt taking the baby to a football game was highly suspect and irresponsible.

She had the right to an administrative hearing, and three years later it came out at the hearing that I was one of those who turned her in. Her entire family, and most of our family felt I was ratfink, and they have not talked to me since. Like her one daughter said to me, "I would have thought you'd do everything to protect my mom, not throw her under the bus!"

The only good thing is, that after her death, my brother started back talking to me, and we have gained a relationship again. Of course, most of my nieces and nephews still harbor hate toward me, and I have not been invited to ANY family functions!

I was a "tattle tail" as antoher OP insinutes, but it was out of legal responsibility, and my moral choice to uphold the laws I swore to support for the state in protecting children! BTW - according to our department attorneys, I forbidden to talk with my brother or anyone else in the family about my reporting the incident!

And I should conclude by telling you that state law mandates we report abuse and neglect, and if we don't we could be jailed for up to 6 months, fined $1,000.00 and because of the position I was in, I would have been fired! And regardless of the legal boundries I was tied to, I felt badly for doing what I was mandated to do!

I should also mention that, any of you who serves as a pastor or work with kids, have the same moral and legal responsibility to "tattle" on what you see as "Suspected" abuse or neglect, to any child!

 

[saturneptune]

I'll try to make this short.

I worked for the state department of social services, and in my position, I was a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse, neglect and other things relating to the well being of children.

My position was in low level management, and we licensed child care homes, including foster care, etc.

My sister-in-law [now deceased] and brother had a license for foster care, and even though my office wasn't directly responsible for her house, she bragged to her social worker that her B-I-L was a supervisor for DSS.

One thing led to another, and she was being investigated for keeping an unkept house, and being so depressed at times, that she'd lock herself in the bedroom and leave the foster baby in the care of her pre-teen and teenaged kids!

We were invited to go to a football game to watch her two daughters perform. One was a cheerleader the other in the band! We went, and like football games, it was a damp [light rain], low 50's night. When we got there, they had the baby, and my S-I-L informed us that they had just gotten back from the Er seven hours earlier as the baby had a fever seizure and was diagnosed with strep throat. The baby was on anti-biotics and currently had a 101 degree temp! Of course, she had the baby bundled up, and had a blanket over his head. Still, he cried throughout the game.

In my mind and according to law, this was neglect, maybe not if it is your own baby, but when a ward of the court is assigned to you to care for, it is neglect. Because I knew she was already being investigated, and that she told the worker to contact me if they wanted to know about how "great a foster parent she was?"

I discussed this with my boss the following Monday, and she agreed that this was questionable enough to report it to protect me and my job. BTW - that was a Friday night game, and on Saturday morning, they were back in the ER, as the baby's temp spiked at 103, and they told the doctor about being at the game. What I didn't know at that time [when talking to my boss] was that the doctor reported them too, as she had seen the medical notes from 24 hours earlier and felt taking the baby to a football game was highly suspect and irresponsible.

She had the right to an administrative hearing, and three years later it came out at the hearing that I was one of those who turned her in. Her entire family, and most of our family felt I was ratfink, and they have not talked to me since. Like her one daughter said to me, "I would have thought you'd do everything to protect my mom, not throw her under the bus!"

The only good thing is, that after her death, my brother started back talking to me, and we have gained a relationship again. Of course, most of my nieces and nephews still harbor hate toward me, and I have not been invited to ANY family functions!

I was a "tattle tail" as antoher OP insinutes, but it was out of legal responsibility, and my moral choice to uphold the laws I swore to support for the state in protecting children! BTW - according to our department attorneys, I forbidden to talk with my brother or anyone else in the family about my reporting the incident!

And I should conclude by telling you that state law mandates we report abuse and neglect, and if we don't we could be jailed for up to 6 months, fined $1,000.00 and because of the position I was in, I would have been fired! And regardless of the legal boundries I was tied to, I felt badly for doing what I was mandated to do!

I should also mention that, any of you who serves as a pastor or work with kids, have the same moral and legal responsibility to "tattle" on what you see as "Suspected" abuse or neglect, to any child!

This and the other thread about tattling comes down to common sense. You cite a very specific example, mandated by law. Scripture commands us to obey the law, so yes, it is time to tell on this person. Aside from the law, the care and welfare of children is involved. The only way to have avoided the tattling is if you noticed the situation before it got to such a terrible level of neglect. Maybe saying something to her about her house cleaning much earlier, but at this point, you did the right thing. This type of situation also involves abuse and exploitation of children or disabled adults. I work in an adult day care, and make judgments like this everyday.

Now, as far as this board, or the usual happenings of the local church, that is a different matter. In relation to this board, if you find yourself constantly reporting, "oh gee, he called me this, or he said that" then maybe that person is unable to withstand the rigors of debate. As far as the church setting, other than abuse as you described, tattling is a front to gossip, and that should be corrected by the church at once.

Pastor Paul, as an example, I would never question your decision as tattling. In contrast, some of the cry babies on this board do nothing but whine.

 

[righteousdude2]

Thanks SN...

This and the other thread about tattling comes down to common sense. You cite a very specific example, mandated by law. Scripture commands us to obey the law, so yes, it is time to tell on this person. Aside from the law, the care and welfare of children is involved. The only way to have avoided the tattling is if you noticed the situation before it got to such a terrible level of neglect. Maybe saying something to her about her house cleaning much earlier, but at this point, you did the right thing. This type of situation also involves abuse and exploitation of children or disabled adults. I work in an adult day care, and make judgments like this everyday.

Now, as far as this board, or the usual happenings of the local church, that is a different matter. In relation to this board, if you find yourself constantly reporting, "oh gee, he called me this, or he said that" then maybe that person is unable to withstand the rigors of debate. As far as the church setting, other than abuse as you described, tattling is a front to gossip, and that should be corrected by the church at once.

Pastor Paul, as an example, I would never question your decision as tattling. In contrast, some of the cry babies on this board do nothing but whine.

....I should have noted, that while my brother's house was cluttered, I never really saw it as a problem. Some people live in cluttered homes. Apparently the social worker that made the most recent inspection felt cluttered was not a good thing. Due to distance and logistics, I probably got to my borthers home, maybe once a year! We always had family get togethers at my sisters house, half way between where my brother and I lived. That was also within a mile of where my mom lived, and easier for her!

If there was anything I could have done to help her keep her license, I would have done it. I did sit down with them a few years earlier and went over the licening process, as they asked me for pre-licensing help! I mentioned that some social workers may see their home as cluttered, but when they were visited, it didn't seem to be a problem [per her]! As I said, each worker sees things differently and over the two years, they had several different workers visit and inspect their home! I guess one didn't like the cluttered, lived in, look!

I regret doing what I did, but the family thinks I was Nazi like in my approach, and should not have done my job. They still, after 12 years, feel I was over reacting. Even their pastor [my brothers pastor] feels I was wrong! Who's to argue with a seminary graduate of the Lutheran churches?? :smilewinkgrin:

 

[Deacon]

Professional child predators are often very skilled in the way they manipulate the system.

If there were more people like you we'd have less abuse in the church.

Jesus loved and protected the children, the weak, and the innocent.

You may pay a cost for protecting the poor and weak ones but count it a privilege.

Rob

 

[pinoybaptist]

man, it was your job, and sworn duty as an officer in an office mandated by law to watch out for social injustices. ain' the same as being a snitch as in the case of felons just to gain some kinda favor.
I'd do the same thing because it is supposed to be what taxpayers are paying me for.
you ain' no tattletale, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[pinoybaptist]

I remember a lady whose son was involved in a robbery and she saw him in cctv. she brought her son in, personally, and he had to serve time.
was she a tattle-tale, or did she do the right thing.
to me she was far more honorable than the 'honorables' we have in congress who turn their eyes away from Obama's shenanigans and even shamelessly admit, in print, that they were aware he was lying.

 

[HAMel]

rd2, I was an employee of DOD. No use in expanding details of a collateral duty I had at the time but in short, I was a whistle-blower. Each and every time the "whistle-blew" I was out of town; or the information was provided by an anonymous letter to the right person. Was I a tattle-tale? Yep.

Best example..., government housing was constantly replacing refrigerators from military housing on base. Once surveyed, they would leave the base on the back of flat bed trucks destined to go where-ever they went for recycling.

Right after the Gulf War there was a rash of theft involving live ammunition, copper, military clothing and other assorted military items that were "hot items" in the civilian community. NCIS was hot on the trail but simply couldn't figure out how that much volume got out the gate without being noticed.

After a while NCIS somehow decided that most of the ill gotten gain was being hauled right out the gate inside used refrigerators. How 'bout 'dat?

AK-47's from the war was an extremely "hot item" and at the time, they were worth a grand apiece.

...if you cut the bottom out of an acetylene gas cyliner you can fill it with four AK 47's and an bunch of clips. Weld the bottom back on and mark it with a special number and the government will ship it back home for you free of charge. What a deal.

Stuff like this needs to be exposed.

Obviously, your S-I-L got over it. Might have saved the child. Good for you! :wavey:

 

[abcgrad94]

I would have talked to the family member and told her I was very concerned for the baby, and offered to babysit him if she had no other alternative. I also would have offered to take the older kids to the ballgame if she needed to stay home with the baby, or to take the older ones home so she could take the baby home from the ballgame.

Now, if there were a pattern of continual neglect, I'd absolutely report it and not apologize. .

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

RD2, you did the right thing, even if you don't believe that now. The doctor had also reported them. How would you feel if he had not, and the baby had died?

 

[annsni]

You were a mandatory reporter and possibly could have gotten into trouble by not reporting her. You were in the right. Too bad people wanted you to turn away from child abuse.

 

[Judith]

I'll try to make this short.

I worked for the state department of social services, and in my position, I was a mandated reporter of suspected child abuse, neglect and other things relating to the well being of children.

My position was in low level management, and we licensed child care homes, including foster care, etc.

My sister-in-law [now deceased] and brother had a license for foster care, and even though my office wasn't directly responsible for her house, she bragged to her social worker that her B-I-L was a supervisor for DSS.

One thing led to another, and she was being investigated for keeping an unkept house, and being so depressed at times, that she'd lock herself in the bedroom and leave the foster baby in the care of her pre-teen and teenaged kids!

We were invited to go to a football game to watch her two daughters perform. One was a cheerleader the other in the band! We went, and like football games, it was a damp [light rain], low 50's night. When we got there, they had the baby, and my S-I-L informed us that they had just gotten back from the Er seven hours earlier as the baby had a fever seizure and was diagnosed with strep throat. The baby was on anti-biotics and currently had a 101 degree temp! Of course, she had the baby bundled up, and had a blanket over his head. Still, he cried throughout the game.

In my mind and according to law, this was neglect, maybe not if it is your own baby, but when a ward of the court is assigned to you to care for, it is neglect. Because I knew she was already being investigated, and that she told the worker to contact me if they wanted to know about how "great a foster parent she was?"

I discussed this with my boss the following Monday, and she agreed that this was questionable enough to report it to protect me and my job. BTW - that was a Friday night game, and on Saturday morning, they were back in the ER, as the baby's temp spiked at 103, and they told the doctor about being at the game. What I didn't know at that time [when talking to my boss] was that the doctor reported them too, as she had seen the medical notes from 24 hours earlier and felt taking the baby to a football game was highly suspect and irresponsible.

She had the right to an administrative hearing, and three years later it came out at the hearing that I was one of those who turned her in. Her entire family, and most of our family felt I was ratfink, and they have not talked to me since. Like her one daughter said to me, "I would have thought you'd do everything to protect my mom, not throw her under the bus!"

The only good thing is, that after her death, my brother started back talking to me, and we have gained a relationship again. Of course, most of my nieces and nephews still harbor hate toward me, and I have not been invited to ANY family functions!

I was a "tattle tail" as antoher OP insinutes, but it was out of legal responsibility, and my moral choice to uphold the laws I swore to support for the state in protecting children! BTW - according to our department attorneys, I forbidden to talk with my brother or anyone else in the family about my reporting the incident!

And I should conclude by telling you that state law mandates we report abuse and neglect, and if we don't we could be jailed for up to 6 months, fined $1,000.00 and because of the position I was in, I would have been fired! And regardless of the legal boundries I was tied to, I felt badly for doing what I was mandated to do!

I should also mention that, any of you who serves as a pastor or work with kids, have the same moral and legal responsibility to "tattle" on what you see as "Suspected" abuse or neglect, to any child!

Understand we are hearing one side, but based on what you wrote under the circumstances you did the right thing.

 

[SaggyWoman]

No questions asked, you did the right thing.

 

[righteousdude2]

IN a way she got over it!

rd2, I was an employee of DOD. No use in expanding details of a collateral duty I had at the time but in short, I was a whistle-blower. Each and every time the "whistle-blew" I was out of town; or the information was provided by an anonymous letter to the right person. Was I a tattle-tale? Yep.

Best example..., government housing was constantly replacing refrigerators from military housing on base. Once surveyed, they would leave the base on the back of flat bed trucks destined to go where-ever they went for recycling.

Right after the Gulf War there was a rash of theft involving live ammunition, copper, military clothing and other assorted military items that were "hot items" in the civilian community. NCIS was hot on the trail but simply couldn't figure out how that much volume got out the gate without being noticed.

After a while NCIS somehow decided that most of the ill gotten gain was being hauled right out the gate inside used refrigerators. How 'bout 'dat?

AK-47's from the war was an extremely "hot item" and at the time, they were worth a grand apiece.

...if you cut the bottom out of an acetylene gas cyliner you can fill it with four AK 47's and an bunch of clips. Weld the bottom back on and mark it with a special number and the government will ship it back home for you free of charge. What a deal.

Stuff like this needs to be exposed.

Obviously, your S-I-L got over it. Might have saved the child. Good for you! :wavey:

She passed away three years ago!