Marriage

[iasusxrist]

My friends, please be very honest with your answers.. on both sides. If your wife is looking over your shoulder - post at another time!

Besides the obvious, that we are not allowed to talk about here - what are the advantages AND disadvantages to marriage, in your experiences? (and if applicable, doctrine.)

Appreciated.

 

[annsni]

OK - First drawbacks that I've experienced:

* a very gassy hubby
* waking up to very stinky breath
* the toilet seat being up
* having to always cook for someone because he counts on me to feed him
* watching the one you love fall off the roof and having a glimpse of not having him around - then having to deal with his disability for 5 months of not being able to walk/drive - and having to sit back and watch him suffer forever because of a missed diagnosis
* not being able to just sit around in my pjs with greasy hair all day
* lots more laundry
* having to go sailing when I don't want to


Now for the positives:

* Having someone to wake up to
* having someone love me so unconditionally and know that he'll never leave me
* having someone to have children with who is a most amazing father
* having someone compliment my cooking with eating all of it and asking for more
* having someone to share dreams with who will not look at you funny when you tell him
* sharing ministry together
* raising children together that we can look at and say "Wow! We did that??"
* someone to bring home the big bacon.
* having someone to laugh with and cry with
* having wonderful memories with the same person for so long (we've been married 24 years)
* being able to snuggle even without "ulterior motives"
* being able to snuggle WITH "ulterior motives"
* being able to understand the church's relationship to Christ
* having someone love you so much that they would lay down their lives for you...even though they still won't go to the barn when you ask them. LOL

Man - there are so, SO many more positives than negatives. I love marriage and would do it all over again exactly the same way in a heartbeat. I married young (just 20 years old) and as I said, have been married 24 years now. I love my husband more today than I did when we first married and I have to say that he is my absolute closest friend and confidant. We truly are, as Scripture tells us, one flesh.

 

[Aaron]

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him, Gen. 2:18.

All the reasons one can list as an advantage in marriage are boiled down to these two, companionship and help.

The disadvantages are brought on by sin, the law of which dwells in the members of all.

Disadvantages...........................Advantages
Nothing is for myself......................All I do is for someone else

I LOVE being married. :thumbs:

 

[Aaron]

I'm going to assume the one who started this thread is thinking about marriage. It is not without cause we are generally warned that it is an institution not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. Here are some practical guidelines to help you.

For the first marriage (Adam to Eve) God created a helper suitable to him. Not any woman is suitable. Who can find a virtuous woman?

1. She must be a mature Christian who believes like you in all things. A tall order, I know, but you're charged with being her spiritual head, and if she can't let your doctrinal positions in all things prevail without reservation, you will find it impossible to lead.

2. God gave Adam a job to do, and created Eve to help him do that job. I would advise you to already be well advanced in your life's work before you think of taking a mate. I don't mean you have to be a vice president somewhere, but you need to be on the boat well away from the shore. Port floozies are a dime a dozen (and not very sanitary at that).

3. If one member of either set of parents or guardians is against the union, don't do it. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. I've asked every divorcee I know if one of the parents from either set (saved or not) expressed reservations about the pending union. I've never received a negative response. It isn't that the parents (Christian or not, kind or froward) have extraordinary insight, though they do contain a wisdom born of pain, it's that God is sovereign, and He will lead you according to His commandments.

If you follow these three pieces of advice, you will avoid many of the pitfalls that have troubled and ended many, many marriages.

 

[annsni]

Good words Aaron. I heartily agree.

 

[Tom Bryant]

Along wih what others have said, here are mine:

1. I am a better man since being married
2. I am a better Christian since being married
3. I am a better pastor since being married

The worst part is that I now have to pick up my clothes and have to clean up even on my day off.:laugh:

 

[Jim1999]

When you get much older, you will appreciate even more a loving mate. I always tell young people seeking marriage that one must first "like" their mate. Love will grow with you.

Cheers,

Jim

 

[swaimj]

It's a joy to be with someone who knows you very well and very deeply and still loves you.

 

[Spinach]

Of course there are cons, but the pros far outweigh them when you have the right mate.

Or, I agree with Ann.

 

[just-want-peace]

Of course there are cons, but the pros far outweigh them when you have the right mate.

Or, I agree with Ann.

First and foremost be certain that God is the head of the house-hold - for both of you!!!!!!!!!!

Second, accept the fact that both of you will change as time progresses; neither a good nor bad fact - it just IS!!!

Third, do not ever, EVER, EVER, belittle your spouse to others. If you can't build him/her up -- keep quiet!

Fourth, focus on the positives of your mate and never, NEVER, NEVER the negatives.

I have caught myself griping about some characteristic of my wife in the past, only to be reminded (mentally) of my own shortcomings, and then I just thank God that she puts up with me.

Aggravating? Yes!
Frustrating? Yes
But, with no doubts whatsoever, well worth it, if you have that special one that fills that "mate" gap that God created in you!!!

Conversely, If you let your hormones alone, sans God's leading, make the decision for you, there is a great chance that you will have just created your own private hell-on-earth.

 

[donnA]

Of course there are cons, but the pros far outweigh them when you have the right mate.

Or, I agree with Ann.

when you love someone those cons really don't mean anything, theyahve no importance, your spouse is far more important then the cons.
like anne's raised toilet seat and gassy husband(maybe he's my hubby's brother?)
and a great list of pros.

 

[iasusxrist]

I noticed that no one has mentioned any major cons (that I remember), such as money, time, or - freedom. Are you just not mentioning them, or are they not an issue for you? and if not, then why not?

 

[Tom Bryant]

To me, the pros are so much more better that the cons sort of fade into the background.

Yes, time is no longer just your own, or money or freedom, but the trade off is worth everything.

 

[donnA]

I noticed that no one has mentioned any major cons (that I remember), such as money, time, or - freedom. Are you just not mentioning them, or are they not an issue for you? and if not, then why not?

Money or lack of is not a disadvantage, probably helps sometimes, but plays no part in it for us. What about time? What about freedom?
Freedom to do what we want? We do what we want, we want to be together.
No they are not an issue for us. Money just isn't that important.

 

[Winman]

I noticed that no one has mentioned any major cons (that I remember), such as money, time, or - freedom. Are you just not mentioning them, or are they not an issue for you? and if not, then why not?

If you are worried about your money, time, and freedom, you really do not sound like you are ready to be married.

I think it is very important to take your time and really get to know your potential spouse before getting married. You must have the same values and goals. If you take your religious life very seriously and want to serve God, but your potential mate does not, you are going to run into problems. If you are a very frugal person but your potential spouse loves to spend money, you are going to have problems. If you like to go fishing every day after work for four hours, but your potential spouse likes to spend time at home together, you are going to have problems.

So, if I had to give advice, my advice would be to take the time to really get to know your potential spouse. As someone else said, you have to be friends. That is very, very true.

But of this you can be sure, when you get married you will share your money, time, and freedom. :love2:

Edit- Another great little proverb that I believe every married person should know is:

NEVER MAJOR ON THE MINOR

When you've been married awhile you will come to realize how wise this proverb is.

 

[annsni]

I noticed that no one has mentioned any major cons (that I remember), such as money, time, or - freedom. Are you just not mentioning them, or are they not an issue for you? and if not, then why not?

Money - He makes more than me (used to make even more before entering the ministry but that's OK). So this is a positive over being single.

Time - Yeah, I share my time now and sometimes my time is not my own - moreso from the kids than from hubby. However, I can't imagine my time without them all. I'd not like that sort of time.

Freedom - Well, I certainly can't do what I want when I want without thinking of my husband and children, but, like the time, it's not the kind of freedom that I want that you might be thinking of. I'd much rather have the freedom to sit on the couch and read a book with my little one. To have the freedom to go sailing like we did tonight. To have the freedom to play a fun game of Apples to Apples with my family. Someday I will have more freedom to do what I want when my children are grown. If statistics prove out, I will also have the freedom to do what I want when I outlive my husband. But it's not a freedom I am looking forward to.

 

[iasusxrist]

Winman,
I have no mate in mind. These questions are very generalized, to help me determine if I should ever seek a mate at all.

Annsni,
Most women "don't" work, right? Atleast, married ones.

 

[annsni]

Annsni,
Most women "don't" work, right? Atleast, married ones.

Nope - not true, especially in this day and age. I worked up until about 2 weeks before my due date with my first child. I went back to work one day a week when she was 12 months old and my ILs could watch her. I then quit again when I was about 7 months pregnant and stayed home for many years. I took care of the two children and then homeschooled them. It wasn't until my husband went on staff at our church as a pastoral intern then was ordained there and went full time that I started working again to bring in some extra money. I work about 12 hours a week now for our church doing computer work.

In most of the US, I'd say that women work if they don't have children and many continue to work even after the children come along. Some will work off shifts so that they don't have to have outside child care and some work only part time. But I'd say that the vast majority of women in the US work at any given time.

However, I do think it is vitally important for mom to stay home with the children if at all possible. It's OK to go to one car and to stay in a smaller house if mom can be the primary caregiver. It's really hard to do in this economy but it's not good for the children to be away from mom and dad all the time. I'm blessed that of my 12 hours, 6 of them are done at home and the other 6 is at church with my children playing while I work. We're in the sanctuary alone so they do fine just hanging out, playing, reading, etc. I would be hard pressed to go back to work full time and put my kids in daycare. We'd do a lot of sacrificing before we'd have to get to that point.

 

[iasusxrist]

Annsni,

How many women are willing to not intentionally have children, if they get married?
Before you make the argument about being fruitful, I am disabled and would not want to pass along the genetics.

Thanks.

 

[annsni]

Annsni,

How many women are willing to not intentionally have children, if they get married?
Before you make the argument about being fruitful, I am disabled and would not want to pass along the genetics.

Thanks.

I know there are some women who are OK childless but many would want children but adoption is a great alternative. I'm adopted because my parents could only have one child and being an adopted child is awesome.

I think a trip to a genetic counselor would help out in this situation. I don't know your disability but I do know that not all disabilities are passed on.