Married to a Pastor

How about those of us that are bi-vocational (full-time, but not paid for it) pastors? I'm sure we share a few common experiences. I'll add if it's in keeping with the intent of this thread.

 

1) My wife is an encouragement to me. She is often times my eyes and ears when I am not sensitive enough to know something or "read between the lines." She helps keep me organized, which is paramount. I have such a lack of time being a pastor (which is a full-time job regardless of pay status) as well as an employee outside the church.

2) My wife works with the youth on Wednesdays for Youth Outreach and with the Awana kids (and adult/youth leaders) on Sunday nights. It's a labor of love that she enjoys, but it is, none-the-less, tasking to her.

3) Church expectations of her have at this point been satisfied - she is working within her spiritual gifts, and that is what was needed.

4) Her responsibility is to me as my partner and helper. My wife first, "pastor's wife" second. She is performing her role admirably, as far as I am concerned.

 

My wife is just that. She is God's gift to me (and a good one ). The fact that I am a pastor is incidental. If I find myself flipping burgers, her responsibility will not have changed at all. There is no "pastor's wife" in Scripture. She is neither the assistant pastor, nor the women's pastor. She has the same responsibility as anyone else to be faithful and to minister, as she and her husband see fit. Her first responsibility is me and the kids; she loves that role and does a super job at it.

 

Wow ... She could work miracles too????

My wife has a variety of things she does, nothing that she is required to do. I was unmarried for about 3 years so they didn't have a pastor's wife to lean on in those days. She has been a great asset to me personally and to the ministry. She does most of the counseling/talking to ladies. Her only real official duty is leading the ladies' Bible study each month and during our "Men's and Ladies' Wednesdays" (6 or 7 weeks about 3 times a year). Other than that she has no official duties except being my wife ... and she is very good at that. I expect the same from that I do from every other lady (and man) in the church: Be there, be involved, be growing, and be helping someone else become more like Christ.

 

My wife has been a pastor's wife for over 30 years and now she is a pastor's wife to pastor's wives. One observation she made about this ministry is that a pastor's wife cannot resign ...although Dr. Bob and I know a pastor's wife who did exactly that while her husband continued to be the pastor.

My wife was the music coordinator of our church as well as playing keyboard instruments, singing, and even sometimes directing the choir. She was the church secretary during most of our ministry. In addition she usually had one area of teaching ministry such as King's Kids - pre-school, beginner SS, etc. She did provide direction for the ladies fellowship, but was never the director.

These jobs were all done because she wanted to do them and chose to do them. Sometimes there was pressure to do certain other jobs, and I tried to run interferance and protect her from overcommitment. Did I always succeed...No, but most of the time we were able to keep her work load within reasonale parameters.

Her most important job is being the wife of the pastor...she protects him from sin and provides a warm, loving and secure place of security and safety for him.

Like all in ministry, we have to deal with overcommitment. Sometimes because we love people and want to serve them we make time commitments which are challenging to keep. We have never regretted making the sacrifice of service. My wife would say if she were answering this thread, that Mrs. Thelma Cedarholm taught her to give herself unreservedly in ministry, and she has done that for almost 35 years as a pastor's wife.

 

Well, I will be the rose among the thorns - I AM a pastor's wife! when we came here four years ago, (no kids yet) they church asked if I would be willing to teach the teens. I said I'd love to. I have always played the piano when needed, and now I am interim music director. (I have a masters in Church Music.) My church pays me for both youth and music roles. I told them it wasnt necessary. They have NEVER expected me to:
keep nursery (and I have 2 toddlers)
lead WMU or any other group
act as secretary
teach Sunday School
make the bulletin
clean the church
or do anything that I didnt WANT to do. I am so thankful for our sweet little church.

AND they take care of me, too. Last week, my husband was in Rome, and different ones fed us, entertained us, called to check on us, helped me get the kids ready for church (WOW!!!) and always walked us home from church to make sure we were safe. They also gave my husband $420 for spending on his trip. This is not an "average" church.

At out last church, I did adult choir, was youth director, led children's choir, cleaned the whole church, made the bulletin, called the old folks, and drove the church van. And they made me feel as if it werent enough.
But I LOVE being a pastor's wife. Sure, there are some sacrifices, but the benefits greatly outweigh them.