Marrying Outside of Your Faith

[righteousdude2]

I was interested in gathering your thoughts about marrying outside of your faith. The thought came up in the interracial post, and it brought me to this point to ask: what constitutes outside of the faith? Suppose your child wanted to marry a Catholic, or Methodist? Is this the same as marrying a non-believer?

I have refused to do several marriages [over the years] because one party was not a believer, and in one case the other party was a Muslim. I have believed that my decision was right [after talking to another pastor for advice] but, these folks went to another pastor/church and married.

Did the other pastor incur the judgment of God for doing this [marrying the couples]?

Most pastors will probably agree that there are so many issues that we must all face in our walk with Jesus, and the decisions sometimes are haunting, especially when you are sensitive to the feelings of others.

Just thought this was a topic that may have interesting some twists and turns, since there are some many different point of views on this board. Views that I am trying to understand and adjust to, but, change is often a hard pill to swollow.

Pastor Paul :type:

 

[preachinjesus]

I would suggest marrying anyone that isn't saved is the idea of being "unequally yoked."

As I counsel young couples I don't really focus on their denomination at the get go, but rather their standing with Jesus Christ. I'll address denominational issues as they come up...but salvation isn't found in a denomination.

Besides all of that I do believe you can be saved and be a practicing Roman Catholic, Episocpal, Methodist, Weslyan, Presybterian, Baptist, Charismatic, etc. The defining issue is not issues like "how do you do missions" or "how to you celebrate the Lord's Supper" but "what have you done with Jesus?"

Thanks for the thread. I hope this is an encouraging experience. I believe you to be an earnest Christian.

 

[Salty]

...I don't really focus on their denomination at the get go, but rather their standing with Jesus Christ. I'll address denominational issues as they come up...but salvation isn't found in a denomination.

Okay, how about this (fictitious) example - Mom is a Baptist, Dad is Church of Christ. First they attend COC in AM but Mom will not take weekly communion - only once a month; Sun PM they attend Baptist church. A couple years later they have a son. When Tommy is six he is saved on Friday night VBS. On Sunday Tommy is (the only one) to be baptized. Dad is very pleased. Mom wants Tommy to wait a year or two so he know what he is doing. Just before the baptism Mom takes Tommy out of the Baptism waiting room. The pastor is embarrassed, Dad is upset...
And now more marriage counseling... but they argue which pastor should do it

 

[annsni]

Okay, how about this (fictitious) example - Mom is a Baptist, Dad is Church of Christ. First they attend COC in AM but Mom will not take weekly communion - only once a month; Sun PM they attend Baptist church. A couple years later they have a son. When Tommy is six he is saved on Friday night VBS. On Sunday Tommy is (the only one) to be baptized. Dad is very pleased. Mom wants Tommy to wait a year or two so he know what he is doing. Just before the baptism Mom takes Tommy out of the Baptism waiting room. The pastor is embarrassed, Dad is upset...
And now more marriage counseling... but they argue which pastor should do it

This reads more of a submission issue than a different faith issue. These are two different churches with believers in both. Why mom won't take communion each week is beyond me - Jesus never said only take it once a month on the first Sunday. The issue of the baptism was not for the mom to decide. If the son understood what the baptism was about, and the pastor was sure that this was a real statement of his faith, the mother had no right to pull the son. This mother is showing very clearly rebellion to her husband and that is a sin. She needs to repent.

ETA - I forgot the OP! LOL!!

In our church, we will marry 2 believers or 2 unbelievers (if necessary - but it's rare). We feel very strongly that marrying a couple that will be unequally yoked is dangerous and it should not happen. You did the right thing - I know our pastor does the exact same thing as you have. Yeah, sure, they can go to another pastor and be married but you were not involved in it and that's what's important. They can't come back to you years later and say "Why did you marry us? You know our marriage went against Scripture yet you did it anyway!"

 

[Salty]

Why mom won't take communion each week is beyond me - Jesus never said only take it once a month on the first Sunday.

The issue of the baptism was not for the mom to decide. If the son understood what the baptism was about, and the pastor was sure that this was a real statement of his faith, the mother had no right to pull the son. This mother is showing very clearly rebellion to her husband and that is a sin. quote]

Two ways to answer the baptism. First is the doctrinal issue - COC believes baptism completes salvation -
Second lets turn it around lets say day is the Baptist and Mom is the COC. Now we don't have a "submission" issue. And maybe the parent did not think the child fully understood what baptism means.
(as a pastor, I normally would not immediately baptize someone)

As far as communion, the Baptist parent does not desire to take communion because frequent observance from their point of view, makes it looses it importance.
(One Sunday night I attended a COC - the pastor asked if anyone had not yet taken communion that day yet. I found it to be very sacrilegious. I consider communion to be be taken seriously.)
In our church, we will be observing communion about every two months.

Salty

 

[righteousdude2]

Thanks for Your VOTE of Confidence

I would suggest marrying anyone that isn't saved is the idea of being "unequally yoked."

As I counsel young couples I don't really focus on their denomination at the get go, but rather their standing with Jesus Christ. I'll address denominational issues as they come up...but salvation isn't found in a denomination.

Besides all of that I do believe you can be saved and be a practicing Roman Catholic, Episocpal, Methodist, Weslyan, Presybterian, Baptist, Charismatic, etc. The defining issue is not issues like "how do you do missions" or "how to you celebrate the Lord's Supper" but "what have you done with Jesus?"

Thanks for the thread. I hope this is an encouraging experience. I believe you to be an earnest Christian.

I so needed to hear from someone that I am OKAY!. Thanks....

Pastor Paul :type:

 

[preachinjesus]

Okay, how about this (fictitious) example - Mom is a Baptist, Dad is Church of Christ.

Honestly this is a denominational issue which I mentioned is different than being unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

First they attend COC in AM but Mom will not take weekly communion - only once a month; Sun PM they attend Baptist church.

Sounds like they have submission issues (as already mentioned) and commitment issues. Something that needs to be worked out beyond the purview of this thread.

 

[preachinjesus]

I so needed to hear from someone that I am OKAY!. Thanks...

You're doing great, keep up the faith!

 

[TCGreek]

I was interested in gathering your thoughts about marrying outside of your faith. The thought came up in the interracial post, and it brought me to this point to ask: what constitutes outside of the faith? Suppose your child wanted to marry a Catholic, or Methodist? Is this the same as marrying a non-believer?

I have refused to do several marriages [over the years] because one party was not a believer, and in one case the other party was a Muslim. I have believed that my decision was right [after talking to another pastor for advice] but, these folks went to another pastor/church and married.

Did the other pastor incur the judgment of God for doing this [marrying the couples]?

Most pastors will probably agree that there are so many issues that we must all face in our walk with Jesus, and the decisions sometimes are haunting, especially when you are sensitive to the feelings of others.

Just thought this was a topic that may have interesting some twists and turns, since there are some many different point of views on this board. Views that I am trying to understand and adjust to, but, change is often a hard pill to swollow.

Pastor Paul :type:

Of course, the ideal is to have a couple/husband and wife sit together at church, worshiping and fellowshiping together.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Of course, the ideal is to have a couple/husband and wife sit together at church, worshiping and fellowshiping together.

I was thinking back to how Jews had men and women separate in that worship.

 

[TCGreek]

I was thinking back to how Jews had men and women separate in that worship.

That is why Judaism had to be set aside with all of it's dividing line (Gal 3:28). :thumbs:

 

[A2J]

Baptist + Pentecostal = bad marriage.

'nuff said

 

[Salty]

Many years ago when I went to Camp Bayouca, Craig Golden, the camp director (and now state rep for the Empire State Fellowship - GARBC) gave some excellent advice. You and your potential need to sit down and go over ever doctrine that is important to you.
If you believe bull-dogmatically that
a. taking communion every week is too much,
b. baptism should not be done at too early an age,
c. KJO is the only inspired version,
d. closed communion is demanded by God,
e. TV is of the Devil,
f. creation was only 7 literal days,
g. you demand the death penalty for murders,
h. you are pre-trib.
and you will not compromise one iota, I would suggest that your wife better agree with you on these doctrines. Even if you are both Baptist, you would have a hard time worshiping together - which is important.

Now in my case, my wife does not believe in the death penalty - only God has the right to take a life. Though I am for the death penalty, I do respect my wifes view, as the New Testament does not REQUIRE the death penalty - neither does it prohibit it.

I do not believe the NT teaches tithing ie required 10%. I believe that we are to give cheerfully as the Lord has prospered us. I do think that 10% is a good threshold - its just that it is not commanded. Now my wife stands firm on tithing - but I don't see that as a problem.

Dr. L Duane Brown once liken Bible doctrine to a dart board. The bullseye is the most important (non-negotiable) doctrine ie virgin birth of Christ, shed his blood for our sins, ect
The next ring are very important, the third ring is important, the fourth ring...
So the bottom line is where prioritize the importance of your doctrine.

 

[Betuel]

Baptist + Pentecostal = bad marriage.

'nuff said

My sister who is baptist married a pentecostal and they have a great marriage bless by God in which they both make Jesus the Lord of their lives and obey his commands. How can two people who are both saved by Jesus and submit to his Lordship have a bad marriage?

 

[righteousdude2]

I Don't Know....

Baptist + Pentecostal = bad marriage.

'nuff said

I don't know if that would be so bad....you could have a tongue speaking pentecostal speaking Calvin doctrinal teachings [in tongues, of course].

Shalom,

Pastor Paul :type:

 

[canadyjd]

I don't know if that would be so bad....you could have a tongue speaking pentecostal speaking Calvin doctrinal teachings [in tongues, of course].

:laugh:

peace to youraying:

 

[A2J]

My sister who is baptist married a pentecostal and they have a great marriage bless by God in which they both make Jesus the Lord of their lives and obey his commands. How can two people who are both saved by Jesus and submit to his Lordship have a bad marriage?

Well, let's see, for starters there was about a mile wide gulf in our doctrinal stance. Toss a child in the mix, and an inability to decide which "faith" to raise him in, and you have the beginnings of a down-hill marriage.

Shall I continue, or do you get the drift?

 

[Salty]

Well, let's see, for starters there was about a mile wide gulf in our doctrinal stance. Toss a child in the mix, and an inability to decide which "faith" to raise him in, and you have the beginnings of a down-hill marriage.

Shall I continue, or do you get the drift?

A2J You gave the "readers digest" version of what I said:thumbs:

 

[A2J]

A2J You gave the "readers digest" version of what I said :thumbs:

Yep, like soup; condensed LOL :thumbs:

 

[pinoybaptist]

I was interested in gathering your thoughts about marrying outside of your faith. The thought came up in the interracial post, and it brought me to this point to ask: what constitutes outside of the faith? Suppose your child wanted to marry a Catholic, or Methodist? Is this the same as marrying a non-believer?

I have refused to do several marriages [over the years] because one party was not a believer, and in one case the other party was a Muslim. I have believed that my decision was right [after talking to another pastor for advice] but, these folks went to another pastor/church and married.

Did the other pastor incur the judgment of God for doing this [marrying the couples]?

Most pastors will probably agree that there are so many issues that we must all face in our walk with Jesus, and the decisions sometimes are haunting, especially when you are sensitive to the feelings of others.

Just thought this was a topic that may have interesting some twists and turns, since there are some many different point of views on this board. Views that I am trying to understand and adjust to, but, change is often a hard pill to swollow.

Pastor Paul :type:

I used to toe the strict "be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers" party line, but not anymore.

For starters, there is no guarantee that two people sharing the same doctrine will necessarily abide by the marriage. I've seen some marriages break up in my time, both Bible Baptists, both raised in the Bible Baptist churches.
Heck, one Bible Baptist pastor was so outspokenly against divorce, yet his own niece divorced her pastor husband as soon as she set foot on this country, and married another.
On the other hand, I've seen "mixed" marriages last to this day, with the partners already grandparents, but still as sweet as they were the first day they married.
The children ?
Some followed their parents' faith, made the same professions, but so what ? Does that guarantee they are in fact children of God ?