OCD and God's mercy

[Jesusissavior]

I have obsessive compulsive disorder which makes me constantly doubt and worry. A while ago I (supposedly) became a Christian due to personal experience and testimony/evidence from other people and history. However, when it came to salvation, of course my ocd had to attack that with doubt. I'm not trying to make excuses to not trust in the gospel because I really do want to believe. My mind makes 100 different scenarios as to why I cannot trust in the gospel, and when I resolve one issue, two more seem pop up. I cannot find rest in my mind. Does God understand this? Or will I be held accountable? Am I not believing in my heart? Please help me.

 

[Van]

Yes, you will be held accountable. But God's perfect justice will take into account your limitations. If you think it is harder for you to trust fully in Christ than say kids raised with atheistic parents, or those who cannot seem to properly consider the long term consequences of their choices, I think you should think again. I made the choice when I was 15, and it was very hard. Not to believe in Jesus, (I was raised in a Christian home) but to trust that even if I did not measure up, He would never leave me. But no matter how hard it is for you, you must go "all in" for Jesus as your Savior, and as your Lord (whom you strive to be like, and to serve with everything you have got).

 

[Jesusissavior]

When I try to go "all in" it feels forced, like I'm just pretending to believe. I read the Bible and pray to him all the time to give me faith and help me believe, but nothing changes. mind always makes me question him and I hate it. I want to give up. I'm sorry if I sound negative but i don't know what else to do at this point

 

[Conan]

Romans 3:3-8

3 For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness.

4 Now to him that worketh is the reward not reckoned of grace, but of debt.

5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

6 Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works,

7 Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.

8 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.

 

[Van]

When I try to go "all in" it feels forced, like I'm just pretending to believe. I read the Bible and pray to him all the time to give me faith and help me believe, but nothing changes. mind always makes me question him and I hate it. I want to give up. I'm sorry if I sound negative but i don't know what else to do at this point

JFK had a famous saying, "Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country." Rather than asking God to do for you, think about what you can do for God, such as fully commit to Him. There is no side entrance to Salvation, no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

You say you read your Bible. Read John Chapter 21, where Peter is unwilling or unable to sacrificially and unconditionally love Jesus. All Peter can muster is to love Jesus as a friend, like a brother. Does it say Jesus supernaturally intervened and "gave" Peter the "faith" to fully commit? Pray about John 21!

 

[Jesusissavior]

Ephesians 2:8,9 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.

What does this passage mean then? I'm confused.

 

[Jesusissavior]

Someone help me how can I tell if my repentance is genuine or not? I can't tell between my own thoughts and ocd intrusive thoughts.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Hi, I also have OCD. Not religious OCD like you have though. Everyone has doubts at times, that's normal, you just happen to have a condition that amplifies this and that causes your brain to work against you. God understands and doesn't love you any less for it. I would encourage you to keep seeking Him, even if it does feel forced.
Also be sure to talk to some professional about this if you aren't already, someone who is experienced with working with OCD brains. Preferrably a Christian, for this kind of thing. If you have no access to a therapist or can't find one that you can afford, you may be able to do a google search for help with religious OCD, also. The internet is a vast resource and if you do some digging you can find very helpful things.

One thing you can do is challenge your thoughts with truth, ie "I don't really believe in God because I have all these douts", counter with "God's grace is sufficient for me". However, be careful, as this can become just another compulsion.

Oh! Also, you definitely need to practice not engaging your intrusive thoughts. For me, I play video games as a distraction, since they take all of my concentration. Find something that engages your mind and keeps it from engaging the thoughts. It's way easier said than done, but the way to beat OCD is to ignore the intrusive thoughts!
Try to challenge your intrusive thoughts just once with what I suggested above, and then move on. Think of your intrusive thoughts as a person inside your brain who is annoying and won't shut up. They're just attention seeking and by giving them attention you're just encouraging them to keep whining.

Also, if you are on Facebook, there are OCD/scrupulosity support groups you can join. I was in one and might be able to find it again to suggest to you

 

[Jesusissavior]

Thank you, I needed this. I have looked up online for dealing with religious OCD but none seemed to give me peace for very long. There are no christian therapists in my area as far as I know. I know ultimately only God can set this issue to rest, but it feels like he's been quiet.

 

[evenifigoalone]

No problem. OCD is a monster.

 

[Van]

Ephesians 2:8,9 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.

What does this passage mean then? I'm confused.

What about Jolhn 21? The verse you cited above says salvation is a gift, but the gift is received through or on the basis of faith. So non-germane to our discussion.

 

[Jesusissavior]

Well if John 21 does say we create our own faith then God must not want me because there is no way I am going to have perfect faith as long as I have this disease. I am not doubting God's ability to heal but sometimes he chooses not to heal people.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Having faith does not mean having no doubts or being perfectly sure of something.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Someone pointed me to this page, haven't read it yet but it may help you: Martin Luther, Grace and OCD

edit: wow, I didn't know Martin Luther is speculated to have suffered from OCD!

 

[Jesusissavior]

It's cool to think about someone who might have suffered ocd revived Christianity to what it really means. I'm not sure it fits with me though, as I know it is Grace through faith only. The problem I have is having faith. What if I don't believe enough? How much faith is enough?

 

[evenifigoalone]

It's not about how much. If you have even a little faith, the size of a mustard seed, then it's enough. "I believe, help my unbelief"

While I believe sound doctrine and even reading apologetics will help you, dwelling on that too much is also bad for your OCD. Paying attention to and constantly battling your intrusive thoughts makes them stronger and more persistent. By all means, do some reading, be in the Word, and learn from other believers. But at some point you have to turn off the speculation and allow yourself to just do your best to let the intrusive thoughts keep screaming without needing to answer them. The key is to deprive them of attention.
Easier said than done, I know. While, like I said, I don't have religious OCD/scrupulosity, it sounds like you have "pure O" OCD like me--which just means that your compulsions are completed in your head, rather than physically like hand washing, counting your footsteps, or performing rituals.

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