Featured On Lust and Marriage

No, his need is not to marry a woman and direct his lust through her. His need is to get saved.

 

He doesn't need to marry someone to address this issue. It's quite unfair to a potential wife.

 

Aaron, he is probably under conviction due possibly to his knowledge of the Book of Leviticus and its condemnation of certain behaviors. Of course he will want to find relief and rest from the New Testament and of course there is no rest except in the person of Christ.

HankD

 

No he is not saved. Read 1st Cor 6

 

I understand and agree. However being saved there is an obligation on his part:

Romans 8
11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.
13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

If we are saved yet persist in and follow after the flesh then the Romans 8 scripture indicates physical death.
Correct, the manifestation of that lust as to kind, does not matter.

But, if we see this lust welling up in our heart and resist it then we are not subject to death.
Acknowledgement as well is needed

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

To overcome our slavery to sin is what God wants us to do through the power of His son Jesus Christ.

Revelation 21:7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

Would we give up this promise in exchange for the temporary pleasure of sin?


HankD

 

I suffer similar afflictions. For some reason everyone has a different "major" Sin it seems. For some it's gossip, for others it's greed, anger, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, laziness, lust, or your friend's kind of lust. Once you're Saved, these will not all magically "go away". Some things will certainly change instantaneously. Others may be a constant battle throughout our lives. He will probably battle that specific lust for his whole life. My issue with lust is not of his type, but rather the more natural kind on a more intense scale.

1. Is it Sin to simply have the thought of attraction?
I don't believe so. Jesus was in the desert when he was tempted by the devil. By tempting Him the devil put thoughts into Christ's head, and Christ soundly, and rightly so, rejected those thoughts through Scripture. We are told Christ is Sinless in the Bible, therefore the thoughts, so long as they are responded to correctly, are not sin in and of themselves.

2. We are to take every thought captive to the will of Christ.
As such when he does have these thoughts he ought to immediately reject them as wrong and ungodly as Christ did in the desert.

3. What happens if he slips up as you mention and "returns to his own vomit"?
Well, if a Christian has anger issues and flies off the handle occasionally. Is he not Saved?
If a Christian has issues with greed, and he makes a bad decision with his finances, is he now not Saved?
I believe, and the Bible teaches, that we will all slip up in a wide range of sin from greed to lust. The difference is whether that Sin has become a lifestyle. If he does it daily, does not repent, and sees no problem in it. Then he is in trouble. If he slips up once in a blue moon, and does something stupid, and honestly repents, then I believe it's just like any other sin people suffer with.

4. Should he marry?
I'm not married myself, and I'm only 22, so take this with a grain of salt...

I agree that lust is lust, and that he needs to be married. He would also need to be upfront with his future wife about it. All lust, when given enough leash over time, will take any person exactly where your friend is. As such, as the leash of lust is shortened through repentance and continual regeneration, and through his wife, I expect for it to get better and return to its natural state. But will it ever go away fully? I don't think so. It's sort of like an Alcoholic. They can stop drinking for years, but if they get a whiff of Alcohol they can be tempted to fall back into the old way of thinking. Same thing with lust of all kinds. He would just need to steer clear of any "whiffs" of lust.

Mods: I tried to tip toe around the subject as it's not supposed to be discussed. Feel free to edit parts if you think I went too close to the subject. If the whole post needs to be removed let me know through PM please and I'll not do that part again.

 

We only know that the Corinthian was saved because he repented.(2 Corinthians 2:3-10).
If one of Christ's sheep goes astray, the Good Shepherd will seek him out and bring him back into the narrow way. If that does not happen, it means that the sheep in question does not belong to Christ.

To tell this man that he is saved is the unkindest think that you could say to him. It will confirm him in his sin. What part of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is so hard to understand? And if he thinks he has been washed (v.11), why is he still rolling in the mire (2 Peter 2:22)?

Members of my family are in the thrall of this particular sin, so I don't say these things lightly.

 

I could see the argument for marriage, if the person could be open about his feelings before marriage to his future partner.

That being said, if he is not really attracted to women, marriage won't help a thing. To use an analogy, it would be like having a straight man marry a woman for whom he has no attraction. That's a recipe for disaster, unfair to the woman, and ultimately may exacerbate the problem. Marriage won't fix the desires. It's not just a lust problem. It's qualitatively different when you are talking about different genders.

 

I have a number of friends who either struggle with same sex attraction or have decided to engage in a same-sex relationship. One friend is even in a same-sex marriage with an adopted daughter.

I have found that the most effective scriptures to discuss are found in Romans 1 where Paul lays out how the world is not what God has intended it to be. Deviation from God's intent is simply sin. What Paul has written can't be dismissed as prostitution or pederasty or anything else.

That being said, the issues here are extremely deep. Your friend needs to decide if he wants to willingly engage in a life of sin, or if he wants to be faithful to God. Getting married to a woman is not the answer but only a complication unless he finds women sexually attractive. But the real issue is sexual control. One should be able to abstain from sexual relations when they are not appropriate. As someone who spent much of my adult life as a single man, I am quite familiar with the struggle. The way to overcome desire is to decide at the beginning what kind of person you are going to be, then avoid situations where you are going to have that commitment challenged. If one asks God for assistance, you will receive enormous assistance.

The big misunderstanding in this area today is the idea that sexual desires MUST be fulfilled. They do not need to be fulfilled at all. In fact, pursuing sexual satisfaction leads to only short-term fulfillment (if even that) and only intensifies the sexual longing, since sexual relations are designed to draw people to each other.

 

Even if he can recognize a good looking woman, that's not the same. A straight person can recognize a good looking person of the same sex without having any kind of attraction to him/her. Now, if you mean he's actually attracted to both sexes, then that's a bit easier (but still not truly easy).

And I am always trying to see things from the prospective spouse's perspective. The husband may try to make things work, but the wife is going to have a very difficult time with all of this. I would highly discourage any woman from marrying such a man without intensive counseling.

 

How so? Isn't celibacy an option?