Only in America ...

... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

... do the sick walk all the way to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

... will people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

... do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

... do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place.

... do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

... do they use the word "politics" to describe the process so well; "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".

... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

... do politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000 a plate campaign fund raising event.

... do people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when we have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 18% of the federal workforce is black.

... do we have two of the people most responsible for our tax code -- Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel, ranking minority member of the House Ways and Means Committee -- both turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

... will you find people who insist on their "freedom of speech" in burning the American flag and calling America an "imperialist nation," but who sue because they are offended by Christmas.

... can terrorists fly planes into buildings, killing 3,000 people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash, and the general public wonder aloud "What did we do to make them hate us?"

... does someone drinking a $5 latte and texting to his friends on an iPhone 5s complain that the government allows some people to make too much money.

... do people applaud rappers who brag about shooting people and selling drugs while supporting their claims the police are targeting them unfairly.

... do we make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just become American citizens.

... do the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution get classified as "extremists."

... are the most vicious foes of successful conservative women self-proclaimed feminists who band together with the ironic name "National Organization for Women".

... do you need to present a driver's license to gamble, buy cigarettes, alcohol, pornography or to cash a check, but not to vote.

... do we think teaching kids at college is an appropriate job for communists, terrorists, and other dregs of humanity.

... could people demand the government investigate whether the oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up a penny when the government added on 24 cents in taxes for that penny profit.

... do the beneficiaries of the greatest civil rights revolution in history, entirely accomplished in the courts and Congress without a shot being fired -- the likes of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Ben Jealous -- get away with calling America "the most racist country in the world."

... does airport security put its hands on your underwear -- while you're wearing it.

... could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation ever has before in all of recorded history, still spend a trillion dollars more that it has per year, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

... could the rich people who pay 86% of all income taxes be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all.

... could the people who approve of slaughtering 25 million females babies via abortion accuse other people of waging a "war on women."