Political Humor - warning

Daisy · Sep 19, 2006

Source: Borowitz Report (linkie)

Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary and Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says

A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

“Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus” was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with “jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge” coming in second at 17%.

According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008.

“It’s still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn’t be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers,” Mr. Pritchard said.

Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he did not do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, “That’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.”

But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry’s upbeat assessment: “In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin.”
Click to expand...

:laugh:

carpro · Sep 19, 2006

Quote:
Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary and Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says

A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

_____________________
:laugh:

This may be too close to the truth to be much of a joke.

Pete · Sep 19, 2006

I've been saying that for years here in Oz about the 2 majors. All the polls are "on a two-party prefered basis"....so when asked if I'ld prefer little "honest" johnny howard or Beazley as PM I'ld take the firing squad option every time.

Daisy · Sep 19, 2006

carpro said:

This may be too close to the truth to be much of a joke.
Click to expand...

Well, that's what makes it funny. Substitute "Condi Rice" and "John McCain" - it just falls flat (I tried it, doesn't work).

Absurd & silly is funny; stupid isn't (imHo).

El_Guero · Sep 19, 2006

Daisy said:

Which is better?

Kittens with whiskers?

Or Chocolate ice cream with bananas and whipped cream?
Click to expand...

:thumbs: :thumbs:

El_Guero · Sep 19, 2006

Magnetic Poles said:

I vote move it to humor, or close it, either way. The OP is pointless, as Muslims have no right to rule the world, and that has nothing to do with our freedom of religion as Americans. Which is why it got the responses it did.
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:thumbs:

:1_grouphug:

Bro. James Reed · Sep 19, 2006

Daisy said:

Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary and Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says

A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

“Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus” was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with “jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge” coming in second at 17%.

According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008.

“It’s still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn’t be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers,” Mr. Pritchard said.

Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he did not do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, “That’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.”

But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry’s upbeat assessment: “In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin.”

:laugh:
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You're just a fascist, right-wing lunatic.

Oh, wait...this was posted by Daisy. Nevermind.:smilewinkgrin:

All in good fun.:tongue3:

NiteShift · Sep 20, 2006

Gallup Poll: Many Plan to Support War in Iraq if the U.S. Wins

An electrifying new Gallup Poll shows that a large percentage of Americans plan to strongly support the War in Iraq if the United States is able to win it. Conversely, many respondents plan to haughtily fold their arms across their chest and announce,“I just KNEW that was a bone-headed idea” if the war is lost.

Link

Not_hard_to_find · Sep 20, 2006

Daisy said:

Well, that's what makes it funny. Substitute "Condi Rice" and "John McCain" - it just falls flat (I tried it, doesn't work).

Absurd & silly is funny; stupid isn't (imHo).
Click to expand...

You are correct (I started to say right, don't you know) on both counts. This is funny, and the substitutions just wouldn't work at all. Thanks for the joke!

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