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Pre-marital counseling.

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by El_Guero, Jan 15, 2007.

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  1. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    Has anyone used solid material for pre-marital counseling? I was asked in passing if I would consider doing a marriage out of state . . . and I would only officiate on behalf of them and God if I can be certain that I could lead them through a good and solid Christian pre-marital counseling workbook.

    Any recommendations?
     
    #1 El_Guero, Jan 15, 2007
  2. tinytim

    tinytim <img src =/tim2.jpg>

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    I don't have a workbook, but a very good set of discussion questions...
    I asked a question sorta like this a few months ago here on BB, about what questions, and subjects to bring up, and it was a very useful thread to me.... I put together my material based on my experience and the experience of my brothers and sisters here on BB....

    I think it was in the General discussions section, because I wanted input from everyone.... If you can find it, it may have some valuable resources...

    Hold on, I'll look for it...
     
    #2 tinytim, Jan 15, 2007
  3. tinytim

    tinytim <img src =/tim2.jpg>

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    #3 tinytim, Jan 15, 2007
  4. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    Thanks!!!

    :thumbs:
     
    #4 El_Guero, Jan 15, 2007
  5. SBCPreacher

    SBCPreacher Active Member
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    Just read the other thread - good stuff!

    I like to meet with the couple one at a time and ask them the same questions, and then bring them together and go over the answers. This often brings some things into focus!

    The downside of doing weddings - I hate being lied to, and some folks that want to get married seem to do that often!
     
    #5 SBCPreacher, Jan 16, 2007
  6. Major B

    Major B <img src=/6069.jpg>

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    As a full-time counselor, I have a set of notes based on Howard Eyrich's "Three to Get Ready."
     
    #6 Major B, Jan 16, 2007
  7. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    I have always liked the workbook Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts
     
    #7 gb93433, Jan 18, 2007
  8. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    ours is custom done using multiple resources. we put it all together in a folder-type notebook to work through. We meet 5 times - the last one being the week before the wedding.

    Ann
     
    #8 annsni, Jan 18, 2007
  9. Major B

    Major B <img src=/6069.jpg>

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    In our ministry, we plan a minimum of six sessions. If there is a particular problem or concern (the parents opposing the union, etc.), or if the marriage is a second or subsequent marriage for either or both, it takes longer. We had one counseling which took several months (age difference, multiple marriages, parental objection, financial problems, etc).
     
    #9 Major B, Jan 18, 2007
  10. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    yikes! we also would have more counselling in those cases. sometimes we've encouraged a couple to even postpone the wedding if we feel they aren't ready. kind of tough to do but if they're serious and want a marriage that might work, they'll listen.
     
    #10 annsni, Jan 19, 2007
  11. paidagogos

    paidagogos Active Member

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    My problem with Eyrich is that he recommends the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis (T-JTA) test, Trait Factor Inventory, and Sex Awareness Inventory as instruments in pre-marital counseling. These are flies in the ointment. He mixes unsound secular thinking with Biblical teaching. IMHO, this leads to confusion because people tend to accept all these things as valid. I will argue long and hard that these instruments are based on faulty Jungian concepts. Let's stick with the Word of God as sufficient in these matters.
     
    #11 paidagogos, Jan 19, 2007
  12. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    we use the tjta in our counselling and have found it very helpful
     
    #12 annsni, Jan 19, 2007
  13. Major B

    Major B <img src=/6069.jpg>

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    I don't use that stuff. As I said, the format is based on Eyrich's book (the basic outline, etc.), and we have developed a set of notes on relevant biblical passages.

    If I had the money, I'd publish my own notes!
     
    #13 Major B, Jan 19, 2007
  14. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    And electronic copy would be greatly appreciated.

    :type:

     
    #14 El_Guero, Jan 19, 2007
  15. robertkyxiota

    robertkyxiota New Member

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    Two of the ones I've heard frequently used are "Before You Say I Do" Which has already been suggested, and the second is "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts" by Dr. Les Parrott III and Dr. Leslie Parrott.
     
    #15 robertkyxiota, Jan 21, 2007
  16. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    i don't remember which book it was but i think it was one from the parrotts that we looked into that was very sketchy. it recommened .... let's term it "self satisfaction" before marriage to know what feels good - and for a man to "practice" - or some such thing (it was a long time ago when we looked at it - atleast 7 years ago). NOT something we chose to use.
     
    #16 annsni, Jan 21, 2007
  17. El_Guero

    El_Guero New Member

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    Great ideas everyone!

    Keep them coming!

    Wayne
     
    #17 El_Guero, Jan 21, 2007
  18. paidagogos

    paidagogos Active Member

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    Clinical psychology

    Roswell H. Johnson devised the TJA from his clinical experience. The problem with clinical results if that they tend to be shaped by one's own philosophy and interpreted the way one wants them to be. Although the T-TJA has some supposed statistical backing, the construct is deficient and any mathemtics serves only to correlate the parts and their function within the TJA paradigm. In other words, there is no real validity outside the conceptual framework of the TJA, which is based on Jungian concepts antithetical to fundamental Christian beliefs.

    Now, may I ask how the T-TJA is helpful in your counseling? Do you have any observable and verifiable data? What is the standard for comparison? May I suggest the usefulness and value of such instruments is often faith or confidence in the instrument itself? In other words, when one believes an instrument works or is useful, then it seems to work for him or her. Thus, we are led to question the real value of such a tool. Do you have any real evidence to the contrary?
     
    #18 paidagogos, Jan 22, 2007
  19. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Well, when we get the results, look at them together and see if there's any area where they can see possible difficulty between the two of them. the test did show for one couple a huge difference in their social needs and it HAS proven to be an area of strife,but they also look back and know that they are wired differently in that area and have worked through it w/us. having discussed it early on, and being aware of that was very helpful. just one example.



     
    #19 annsni, Jan 22, 2007
  20. paidagogos

    paidagogos Active Member

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    An art, not a science

    Was this observable from talking with them or doing a personal inventory?
     
    #20 paidagogos, Jan 22, 2007
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