Question about Application

You wouldn't be wrong. The purpose of separating from rebellious believers is twofold. One, you don't want to be dragged into the mud with them. Two, that they might be shamed into repentance. If this family member values your fellowship, this may be something to consider.

 

Quote:
"My husband and I have been praying about what we should do. We understand the above verse to mean we should separate from him because he is a believer who continues to live in sin. We love him and will pray for him, but we can no longer fellowship with a believer who refuses to repent, despite multiple confrontations. Any thoughts? Are we right in doing this?"

I think there is fellowship and then there is family. Don't expect to enjoy the same things he enjoys or for him to enjoy what you do, but don't cut him out either. He is still family and you may be a good witness to him. You never know how God is dealing with him.

Our son lived the same type of life. He lived in another state and wanted to come visit us with his girlfriend. We told him they could come, but they could not act like they were married in our house. They got married and then came. Since they are not living for the Lord, we still have very little in common with them, but we keep in touch.

 

What has his church said about this? Is he under church discipline for it?

 

Ophelia, I think as long as he claims to be a Christian, you should follow the 1 Cor. 5 teaching. Otherwise, it could look to others like you approve of his lifestyle.

 

Is he a member of a church anywhere? That church should be taking a proactive role in restorative discipline if he is living in gross immorality that is undeniably public.

 

Ophelia, hmmm, I'm not sure how to say this, so bear with me.

My parents also practiced "separation" from family members who's lifestyles didn't agree with theirs. Unfortunately, they forgot to do it with love. These separations always began with an arguement over something that led to the "separation conversation" (think next arguement because the "erring brother or sister refused to "do right").

My father was one of 5, my mother one of 14. There was always someone who was out of grace. Sometimes whole groups. As a result of all this, I only know how to get in touch with a handful of my 70+ cousins. There are only 2 that I speak to with any regularity and even then it's not often. My children are often amazed to find out they have so many different cousin.

There are a lot reasons to break family bonds, but I'm not sure that disfellowship of the church is one of them. It's one thing to tell your BIL that you will not accept his behavior inside your home (as in he and his girlfriend won't be sleeping in the same bed when visiting you) and another to tell him you want nothing to do with him until he straightens out his life.

I told you already of the consequences in my life of my parents decision, I haven't told you the consequences in their lives. The tables are now turned. My parents would welcome relationships with their surviving siblings but the siblings are no longer interested. They don't trust that my parents can have a relationship without insisting that others do the same as they do. In essence my parents are alone. They each have one sister that they are in regular contact with. The others all believe my parents are religious nuts(they are in fact independent Baptists).

Would it not have been better for my parents to have remained in loving contact with their siblings in order to bring them the example of a life lived with Christ?

Before you burn any bridges consider waht will happen if you withdraw your example of holy living from your BIL's life. Could it be that you two are the plug that keeps the dam of sin from flooding your BIL's life? Do you think premarital sex is the worst sin he could be into? It's not, take my word for it. Please consider what will become of him, if you take away your example.

How can we be examples of Christ if we refuse to have anything to do with sinners? What did Christ do? Perhaps he should be our example.

 

I think manageriekeeper makes an important point, that discipline, no matter what form it takes on, must be done in love, and with the ultimate goal being the salvation or restoration to fellowship of the sinner.

Even when Paul said to "deliver such an one to Satan", I think it was to intent that the member would learn his lesson and return to the fold - which, if I understand correctly, is exactly what happened.