Remarriage after multiple divorces

[Preacher2015]

We have a situation in the church where a couple are living together. He recently divorced a member in the church. They are talking about getting married. Should I as a pastor marry them to get it right rather than them to continue living in sin? I am torn as his ex wife is still a member. She no longer attends because of the infidelity. I have always in the past married those who are living together.

 

[atpollard]

I cannot answer with true wisdom, because there is too much that is unknowable to me, however, the thought that occurs to me is that you may have a WOLF preying on your flock as scripture describes it.

The few actions he has done that you described to not scream “fruit of the Spirit”, so one wonders how many women he will go through before moving on from this fertile hunting ground.

 

[Dave G]

Romans 6 and Colossians 3 come to my mind as I read this thread.

In God's eyes the first marriage is sanctified;
Every marriage after that ( except in the case of a spouse's death ) is not ( Romans 7:1-3, 1 Corinthians 7:39 ).
If I were in a situation where I knew that infidelity led to a break-up and remarriage, I would not condone it...
Whether publicly or in private.

As for marrying them "to get it right", no amount of "right" can ever make a wrong, right again.

Regardless of believers being forgiven of all trespasses ( Colossians 2:13-14 ), we are not to use our liberty as an occasion to the flesh ( Galatians 5:13 ), but rather to walk worthy of our calling ( Ephesians 4:1 ).

 

[Dave G]

The man who divorced his wife is living in sin if he is living with another, and should never be given the idea that God is OK with it.
The Lord's will in this matter is clear:

" And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
11 but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife." ( 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 ).
The same goes reciprocally...
The husband who departs should be reconciled to his wife, or remain unmarried.

That said, do not consider the new couple married, do not treat their relationship as legitimate in the eyes of God, and do not act as if it is.

Be gentle but be firm...
Your duty before the church is to reprove such things, and to emphasize the Lord's will in all matters.
Marriage is a sacred and holy covenant created by God;

We as believers in Jesus Christ should never treat it in any other fashion.

 

[canadyjd]

I had a friend come to me wanting to be married. He was Jewish, she was Baptist. Both had been divorced. The wedding was planned for the upcoming Saturday.

I told him I could not. He never spoke to me again.

You obviously have concerns. Don’t violate your own conscience.

Peace to you

 

[Scarlett O.]

We have a situation in the church where a couple are living together. He recently divorced a member in the church. They are talking about getting married. Should I as a pastor marry them to get it right rather than them to continue living in sin? I am torn as his ex wife is still a member. She no longer attends because of the infidelity. I have always in the past married those who are living together.

Oh, my! Marrying couples to "get it right" doesn't "make it right". I can see marrying single, never-married co-habituating couples to "make it right". But only if they repent together of what they are doing and understand their sin. A piece of paper signed by a witness cannot make their sinful hearts right. They need to repent first.

If this man's wife that he cheated on is not coming to your church because of his infidelity and you want to marry him and the mistress who are living together to "make it right" - dear brother, you don't have the authority to cleanse this situation with spouting a few words over them and them signing a piece of paper. It's too messed up.

What will his wife think if her pastor, YOU, marries the husband and the mistress? She will never attend ANY church again. If you marry this couple, you will have betrayed the wife and NOT led the husband and the mistress into repentance or righteousness.

 

[Preacher2015]

Her husband doesn’t know I know about his unfaithfulness. The ex wife told me in confidence she doesn’t want her ex husband to know that we know. How can I deal with this? He is under the impression that I don’t know all the details. We have prayed for him. We don’t support the situation but he is still a church member.

 

[Scarlett O.]

Her husband doesn’t know I know about his unfaithfulness. The ex wife told me in confidence she doesn’t want her ex husband to know that we know. How can I deal with this? He is under the impression that I don’t know all the details. We have prayed for him. We don’t support the situation but he is still a church member.

Did they join the church AFTER their separation and as single people? How could the church not know otherwise? I'm confused.

Are you the only one who knows she is the ex-wife and the other woman is the mistress?

You cannot marry these two people. And if he asks you why, you have to explain why. You cannot lie to him. Tell the truth in love, but tell the truth.

 

[Dave G]

Her husband doesn’t know I know about his unfaithfulness. The ex wife told me in confidence she doesn’t want her ex husband to know that we know. How can I deal with this? He is under the impression that I don’t know all the details. We have prayed for him. We don’t support the situation but he is still a church member.

But now you know, and now you have to do something if you're to obey the Lord.

Go to the wife and explain the situation as the Bible lays it out.
Then go to him in private.
If he will not hear you, then take others with you, and confront him.

As a last resort, take it before the church:
" Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. " ( 1 Timothy 5:20 ).
...and Matthew 18:15-17.

 

[Preacher2015]

They were married for years and recently divorced. She came and talked to me. He doesn’t know that I know about the infidelity. The wife doesn’t want him to know that I know all about it.

 

[Preacher2015]

Did they join the church AFTER their separation and as single people? How could the church not know otherwise? I'm confused.

Are you the only one who knows she is the ex-wife and the other woman is the mistress?

You cannot marry these two people. And if he asks you why, you have to explain why. You cannot lie to him. Tell the truth in love, but tell the truth.

They were members of the church for years. I am really to close to this situation.

 

[canadyjd]

They were married for years and recently divorced. She came and talked to me. He doesn’t know that I know about the infidelity. The wife doesn’t want him to know that I know all about it.

So you have another issue… confidentiality concerning what the former spouse revealed in private.

You cannot violate her confidence. If she doesn’t want the ex to know that she (and you) know of the infidelity, then you shouldn’t reveal that to him.

May God guide your decision.

Peace to you