Sometimes, It's OK to let Your Kid be bullied

Wow! I'll say!

The line about micromanaging really stood out. You see so many parents not wanting their kids to face ANY consequences even when the kid has stepped out of line. And it is so very true that they have to learn to how to deal with conflict.

 

If a young child is coming home almost every day in tears over bullying and the child isn't being a little snot and bringing it on, you're not being a "helicopter parent" by stepping in. Coaching the child on how to handle it, when to get an adult, and so forth may have prevented it from getting physical.

Two of my kids...both had "bullies" physically harm them. One needed an adult to step in and had done nothing wrong, simply said no to a classmate who wanted to be more than just a classmate and decided to try force after being rejected.
The other brought it on and quite frankly, I expect it to happen a few more times and I won't lift a finger to stop it because it's that child's smart alec mouth and snotty taunts bringing it on.

However, it sounds to me like this mother failed to protect her daughter. People have said plenty of things to me that hurt more than a direct punch in the face would have. Repeated verbal taunts daily for a whole school year, and she ends up worrying about a shove? Ain't right.

 

I have to agree with Gina. Coming home every day for a couple of weeks, is normal childhood "girl" pecking order stuff. Coming home every day for months, is a HUGE signal of bullying that needs to be stopped in its tracks! It wouldn't have been micromanaging of by Mom if she'd stepped in before physical abuse had taken place!

I'd rather be "THAT" mom than the one who waited to act until my child was seriously hurt. Prevention, not reaction works so much better when it comes to bullying.

 

I was abused so much verbally by my dad that it broke my spirit and caused me to be withdrawn, shy, afraid of everyone, unable to talk without a severe stutter, and unable to make friends.

At school (especially in high school) I was bullied severely and was too afraid to defend myself--thanks to my dad constantly criticizing, ridiculing, and demeaning me every step of the way all through my childhood and teen years--besides beating me severely every time I did anything to displease him. He never missed an opportunity to tell me "You're useless" and "You can't do anything right"--as well as other very endearing statements.

I saw a movie recently where some bullied students banded together and gave the students who had bullied them (and others who had stood by and did nothing to help) a taste of their own medicine. Unfortunately, they went too far by committing murder (including a police officer), but they got tired of the bullying and finally fought back. I was alone and never able to fight back, and the constant abuse at home and bullying at school took its toll and turned me into a weak person who to this day is unable to defend himself against others. I have always envied people who are are not afraid to tell others what they think and won't take any abuse from anyone.

 

What a lovely childhood Jon-Marc. BLECH!

There's no reason to stand for it unless you're dependent on someone and they're taking advantage of that to bully you.

Even then sometimes you gotta do it anyhow. I can think of three specific incidences.

1. I was a teen and an adult male authority figure struck me one too many times. Punched him in the face and RAN LIKE CRAZY!

2. Adult male AGAIN, but I was an adult too...held his hand up to me and again, one too many times. Exact same thing. Punched him in the face and ran like a possessed woman.

3. Adult male. Threatened my children. I...went a little further that time. Then ran....

I can't imagine my husband laying a finger on me. He jokingly told me he'd be afraid to anyhow.

I don't think God expects us to allow others to abuse us if we have another option. If it's a matter of integrity...like someone is persecuting you for your faith or something, that's another matter.

But just being abusive to be mean because they can? Why would you put up with that? You were created by GOD, you are a son of God, and that tells you that you are loved and cherished. Don't let some mentally twisted abuser or abusers take you to a dark place inside where you forget that. If you let that happen, no matter how long ago the abuse literally stopped, you're still letting them have control over you. You have the power to make them stop now if you honestly accept the truth of Christ's love for you.

 

Well, Gina, children have very little or no defense against an abusive parent. Once his spirit is broken (as mine was), he is too afraid to defend himself--except for the occasional time I lashed out in anger and quickly regretted it.

Once time when I was about 18, I was standing on a corner talking with a girl I knew. I was hit from behind and automatically spun around and hit back. When I saw 5 teens in a car, I realized my mistake. He and I shared a few angry words, and he told me to leave. I turned to leave and didn't get very far before they all started kicking and hitting me. I was out of work for two days because of that.

However, I cannot understand adults (mostly women) who stay with an abusive man, and I never will understand why they do. My understanding is that such women even make excuses for an abusive man. They think it's their fault, and that they bring it upon themselves.

There is NO excuse for any kind of abuse or bullying, but, unfortunately, the abusers and bullies usually get away with it. The abused and bullied are too afraid to tell anyone. Even if they do tell, it's too often ignored or not believed.

 

I know, from pastoral experience, that battered women are usually stripped of their independence, finances and security. They are in such a state that denial becomes their only defence.

It is getting better to-day because women are not dominated in society so much. They have more freedom and independence to begin with,,,,,,,,,but, it still exists.

I think the same is true of brutally beaten children.

Cheers,

Jim

 

I understand that in children Jon-Marc. There's not much of a choice.

Also, a child often just doesn't realize sometimes that abuse is abuse! When you live with something that common, it's your normal. I can think of things that never struck me as wrong until I was an adult and learned that it's now how things are supposed to work.

And Jim, I think that does carry over to adults. Even after you realize and understand what abuse is and realize it's not right, it IS what a lot of women know and end up sticking too. So many don't get that...don't understand why they don't walk away. If it's what you are familiar with, then non-abuse is the dangerous thing for you because it's the unknown. New territory.

Thankfully the day will come when tears will be no more.

Wish it would come faster, but hey, when it does get here, it will be for ETERNITY and that's a promise worth waiting for. :1_grouphug: