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The Perfect Pastor

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Joshua Rhodes, Jul 6, 2006.

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  1. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

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    A recent survey has compiled the qualities people expect in the perfect pastor. Spend some time in prayer over these qualifications, and then fire your current pastor and search for this one:

    The perfect pastor:
    >preaches exactly 12 minutes.
    >frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.
    >works from 8:00am until midnight, and is willing to serve as the building janitor during his down time.
    >makes $60 a week, wears designer clothing, buys all the latest leadership and theological books for his personal library, drives a late-model car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.
    >is 28 years of age, having 30 years of experience.
    >is wonderfully gentle and handsome.
    >gives of himself completely but never gets too close to anyone lest he be criticized for playing favorites.
    >speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.
    >has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and spends all his time with senior citizens.
    >makes 15 calls daily on congregation families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is in his office whenever anyone needs him.

    :laugh: :praise: :applause: :smilewinkgrin:
     
    #1 Joshua Rhodes, Jul 6, 2006
  2. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    That was good. I forwarded this to the others on our pastor search committee...:laugh:
     
    #2 webdog, Jul 6, 2006
  3. Salamander

    Salamander New Member

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    What a mockery of the calling of God!:tear:
     
    #3 Salamander, Jul 6, 2006
  4. webdog

    webdog Active Member
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    What was "mocking" about it? I read it as a tongue-in-cheek response to what everyone thinks a pastor is, or should be, not mocking a "calling" of God.

    I guess some will be offended by everything. We should add that to the list, as well... :rolleyes:
     
    #4 webdog, Jul 6, 2006
  5. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

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    Wow, Sal. Take a joke, man. :rolleyes:
     
    #5 Joshua Rhodes, Jul 6, 2006
  6. bapmom

    bapmom New Member

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    Salamander........its more of a comment on our expectations of our pastors.

    Pretty accurate too. :laugh:
     
    #6 bapmom, Jul 6, 2006
  7. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler New Member

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    A young pastor of mine, upon coming to our church, surveyed the congregation, to determine their expectations. He asked them to tell him how much time he should spend on

    Sermon preparation
    Personal devotional time
    Administrative duties
    Personal witnessing
    Hospital visititation
    Shut-in visititation
    Counseling
    Planning church activities
    Denominational activities (association, etc)

    He tabulated the responses and reported back: "You want me to work 122 hours a week. [assuming a day off, 20 hours a day]. We all know that's impossible. So here's the deal. I'll do my pastoral duties, and the normal things any church member does. But I won't do the things you're supposed to do. I won't be your member for you. There are things that need to be done that, if you don't do them, they won't get done."

    The pastor spent at least 20 hours a week in sermon and teaching preparation. I curious to know from preachers and pastors on the BB how much time they spend preparing to preach and teach.
     
    #7 Tom Butler, Jul 6, 2006
  8. SBCPreacher

    SBCPreacher Active Member
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    That's GREAT!
     
    #8 SBCPreacher, Jul 6, 2006
  9. Salamander

    Salamander New Member

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    I did, right when I saw your new picture:laugh:
     
    #9 Salamander, Jul 6, 2006
  10. Salamander

    Salamander New Member

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    Actually? My entire life is preparation, dedication, and preaches what I believe, so to accumulate it all together? All of my alotted time since God called me.

    :praise: :Fish: :praise:
     
    #10 Salamander, Jul 6, 2006
  11. Salamander

    Salamander New Member

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    I know, but it also mocks the congregation in that they haven't been taught very much. That shames them and I'm sure some of those who veiw the "tongue in the cheek" would love to see bits and pieces of said tongue spit out after some one smacked them just under the chin. Of course if you know another way to stick your tongue in your cheek w/o it being between your teeth? :smilewinkgrin:

    Whoops! I forgot many could just put them back in the jar.:tongue3:
     
    #11 Salamander, Jul 6, 2006
  12. LeBuick

    LeBuick New Member

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    Actually, I find it a close representation of a Baptist congregation.

    The Chairmon of the Deacons of a local Church recently gave their "part time" pastor a demand that he keeps office hours. I'm not positive what they pay him but he did say it was less than $100/week.

    The guy is a Manager in the fortune 500 world and between semon preparation, study time for Bible classes and visiting his sich and shut in, his wife and Children are threatining to leave. Then the deacons show up with this written demand.

    Needless to say he still doesn't keep office hours but he did put his cell number on the programs.
     
    #12 LeBuick, Jul 6, 2006
  13. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

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    Great Sal. Glad I could give you a laugh. :type:
     
    #13 Joshua Rhodes, Jul 6, 2006
  14. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes <img src=/jrhodes.jpg>

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    Maybe we should put that on the list. The perfect pastor should use sarcasm exhaustively and be abrasive at every opportunity.

    Most people I've found understand completely. Sorry you don't, and sorry you have to blow it WAY out of proportion. Smile a little more, Sal. It's good for you. :tongue3:
     
    #14 Joshua Rhodes, Jul 6, 2006
  15. Rachel

    Rachel New Member

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    :thumbs: Amen to that!


    That was funny Joshua, thanks. :D

    A merry heart doeth good like a medicine..
     
    #15 Rachel, Jul 6, 2006
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