Touchy Situation...

Question: If they were married sometime tonight would that change your opinion of the situation?

 

What comes to mind about this is that you might want to confront her yourself first. I fully believe in the method that the Word of God lays out in handling situations like yours (see Matthew 18). I am in no way a pastor, although I have had a lot of college and seminary training. I would encourage you to speak to your mother-in-law yourself, and if she is unwilling to repent from her sin, then you and the deacon, with a couple of other persons should confront her. Keep praying that God will change her heart, although if one does not show fruit in this life that they know the Lord, then it is likely that she isn't saved. I hope that this helps somewhat, and I am glad that you have come to share this with others-- others who probably have more insight into something like this.

 

go2church,

That's a valid question! Whether or not they got married tonight may have some bearing, but the facts laid out indicate that a pattern of sinful acts have been committed and need to be dealt with.

 

It might take away the problem of them basically living together and setting a bad example---but---there is still unrepented of sin of adultery in their lives that needs to be dealt with!!

See, thats the problem now-a-days! No repentance--no confession of sins---just "get married" and everything will be "erased"---I don't think so!!

 

You should go to your mother-in -law along your wife and talk to her about your feelings....and than pray! You have NO right to call a deacon in another church and tell him to deal with a person in that church. As a pastor I would be upset if you did that to one of my deacons and I'm sure you likewise.

 

Since you have already talked with her about the situation, I would get her pastor involved and not a deacon. Her pastor should remove her immediately from all her ministry positions until she has repented from this sin. He can then begin the church discipline process with her in accordance with their church procedures in hopes of bringing about repentance and restoration.

Andy

 

Having been a pastor and dealing with a similar situation make sure the pastor has the support of the deacons on this issue. I found out the hard way in a church that loved each other along with their sin like one big happy family. They went against me.

 

I'm not a pastor but this grandmother would not be allowed around my children while living in unrepentent and open sin!

 

Having seen this in my extended family, I'm going to tell you that there is probably nothing else you can do, right now.

It seems she has made up her mind that she is going to follow this course, and that is just what she is going to do.

Your choice now is how to still be there for her when reality hits and still protect your family from her sinful example. Remember that sin is pleasurable only for a season and then the consequences will come. And as a Christian she will have God's chastening to deal with as well. He's not just going to let her continue in her way without a fight.

Your wife needs to gather her sisters and confront her together. They'll need to meet prior and be clear on what issues they want to address and what is going to happen if Mom doesn't change her act. If they can all be united on this they'll have a better chance of getting her to listen.

Be prepared, however, for her to reject what they have to say. It may then be time as Diane says to remove her from family gatherings where the children are. Make sure you are not seen as meddling in her life and causing her problems. Her church will figure out what she is up to quite soon, they probably already have some idea. Let them deal with her on their own. If you are seen as meddling, it will only make it harder for you to support her when things finally fall apart.

Eventually the bubble will burst, picking up the pieces won't be pretty. Be sure to prepare yourself, your wife and her sisters for this eventuality.

 

Your terminology... 'her turn to be happy'... sounds like there was some jealousy of her sister's lifestyle and instead of love, this fella has a quick and easy replacement for his lost wife and granny has all those things she coveted before.

This won't last.

 

Pray for this woman, lift her up before The Lord, and love her.

 

and , while we`re at it perhaps we should take a look at the daily Bible reading on the BB and note this :-
"For me, the next striking feature of the genealogical record in Matthew is that there are four women mentioned: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth and the wife of Uriah whom we know to be Bathsheba. Typically, Jewish genealogies omitted all women and indeed the author passed over notable possibilities such as Sarah, but he included three who were guilty of shameful acts and/or were outside of Israel. Tamar in genesis 38 posed as a whore and tricked her father-in-law Judah into fathering her twin sons. Rahab was the prostitute of Jericho who brought her family into the community by assisting the invading army of Joshua. Ruth was a Moabite, a descendant of Lot's daughter's incestuous union with her father. Bathsheba commited adultery with David when Uriah was off at war.

That Jesus was descendant of such stock may have discredited Him with some of Matthew's audience but the message is sent loud and clear that all facets of mankind were included in God's great plan of salvation. Not only were the highly esteemed Abraham and David listed here, but the sinful representatives of the past also were present. Salvation is an act stemming from the Grace of God, not a man or woman's merit. Through this genealogy we see Christ related not only to the Jews and the chosen, but to all of mankind."
John chapter 8 verse 7
John chapter 8 verses 10 and 11

 

The balance of maintaining a relationship yet at the same time being truthful about the situation will be a difficult one at best. I really don't have much advice other then a few things that I guess you might want to keep in mind. Probably stuff you thought of already thought off. I

It is tough being alone especially if you are used to having been with someone for a long time and there may be a fear of loneliness driving some of the behavior you are seeing

There is no doubt in my mind the Corvette buying ability seems very attractive to your mother-in-law, especially if they are of they are approaching the Golden years. Security in the Golden years is huge.! Of course assuming they are approaching the Golden years

The normal courtship period that we would expect is not really needed considering they have known each other for a number of years. At least form their perspective.

Just things to keep in mind. I have found that if I can view things from the other persons perspective it helps come to some vaild solutions rather then just criticism. I have to tell you I don't envy your situation and am praying for you.