What my Mother taught me:

1. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"Your room looks like a tornado hit it."
2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that comes out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
4. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
5. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out."
6. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you."
7. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when we get home."
8. My mother taught me about GENEOLOGY.
"Shut that door... You think you were raised in a barn?"
9. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids... I hope they turn out just like you!"
10. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, That's why."
11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until your spinach is gone."
12. My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying. I'll give you something to cry about."