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Which Spouse Is Telling Me The Truth?

Discussion in 'Other Discussions' started by jomarc, Dec 26, 2012.

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  1. jomarc

    jomarc New Member

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    I'm sure that some of you have been in this situation. Two friends are in the middle of a divorce, and you are literally caught in the middle.

    One party tells me this. The other party tells me that. And I literally do not know who to believe.

    This I do know as fact....police were involved in the matter. And jail time was served. But then I have to ask, did the husband actually do something he claims he didn't. Or did the wife manipulate and trick him into doing this something that he claims he didn't do. Or is it some other scenario all together.

    All I know is that I'm tired of having to constantly listen (daily, sometimes more) to both sides.

    She wants out. He doesn't want out, but seems to be more concerned about the financial end of things than actually being back together with her.

    I know I'm speaking in riddles here, but I am worn out from all of this. It has taken a toll on me emotionally. I truly do not know who to belive, but I know that one of my two friends is lying on a very big scale.

    My gut instict says to side with her, but he has been a friend for many years. Up until this event he was very active as an elder in a church of another faith, but I have noted in my own mind that he loves "running the church" much, much more than actually "living out the faith". And this observation has disturbed me over time.

    Any advice?
     
    #1 jomarc, Dec 26, 2012
  2. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    You say that she wants out and he wants in more for financial matters than anything .... this is why you are getting two different versions of the story because each is telling you what happened from his and her perspective .... each not telling exactly the full truth, either consciously or sub-consciously.

    Two different goals, two different wants - ergo, two different truths.
     
    #2 Scarlett O., Dec 26, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  3. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    Children involved?
     
    #3 kyredneck, Dec 26, 2012
  4. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

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    Gut instinct: He's lying.

    That's that.

    I think most Abuser's don't WANT out. They can't handle being out. The material and control is what matters. That's your giant red flag right there.

    And it doesn't matter what I think or what you think though. Everyone messes up, some worse than others. Friends are friends.

    But...YOU are not in a position to judge when you're that close and you don't get anything out of this. If you like both of them, tell them you love them and to let you know when things get settled. Friends don't take sides against other friends when they don't know the whole story and you're friends with both, so you'd rather give up the friendship with both for now instead of feeling forced to choose sides and inadvertently becoming a pawn in the divorce or be used, however unintentionally, by one or the other or by an attorney to hurt the other.

    Or if you want to maintain friendships in the meantime, you could just lay it out. No talk about the other partner. Just friends. You'd love to hear how the new job is going, there to pray for help in finding a new residence, there to buy a new toaster as a housewarming gift, there to care, but not the right person to use as a sounding board against the other person. That will be really hard for either to do, but who knows. It *could* happen. Hopefully each has their own "person" who has always been there and will continue to be there for them while they go through this.
     
    #4 Gina B, Dec 26, 2012
  5. mont974x4

    mont974x4 New Member

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    Reality is somewhere in the middle. Both people involved are just that, they're people. That means neither is perfect and both have sinned.

    Both should be loved enough to be prayed for and steps should be taken to bring both to repentance and restoration. This response is based on the desire of the people who know them to walk in obedience to God desiring Him to be glorified in this terrible situation and hoping for the edification of the people involved. It also recognizes that we cannot force people to repent. We must leave the actual convicting to the Spirit.
     
    #5 mont974x4, Dec 26, 2012
  6. TadQueasy

    TadQueasy Member

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    My first instinct is run. This is not going to end well.
    Aside from that the above quote is probably IMO the best advice given.
    Hope it works out.
     
    #6 TadQueasy, Dec 26, 2012
  7. Arbo

    Arbo Active Member
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    A marriage is between two people. You're number three. Stay out of it.
     
    #7 Arbo, Dec 26, 2012
  8. SaggyWoman

    SaggyWoman Active Member

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    I say stay out, too. Don't take sides. Be friends with both.
     
    #8 SaggyWoman, Dec 27, 2012
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