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You Might Be A Pastor If...

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by chuck2336, Feb 25, 2008.

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  1. chuck2336

    chuck2336 Member

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    YOU MIGHT BE A PASTOR IF...
    ~ Everybody stops talking when you enter the room.
    ~You've ever lied at a funeral.
    ~ You always read the obituaries.
    ~ You've ever suffered anxiety attack while playing Bible Trivia Pursuit.
    ~ You wonder why people who have some time to kill want to spend it with you.
    ~ You get your second wind when you say "And in conclusion"
    ~ The ideas you bounce off board members really do.
    ~ Your car tires are balding faster than your head.
    ~ You wish someone would steal some of your sheep.
    ~ You've seen more religion at a pool hall than you've seen at a Church cricket match.
    ~ Your Bible has more side notes than printed text.
    ~ "Annual Church Meeting" and "Armageddon" are one and the same to you.
    ~ You jiggle all the toilet handles before you leave the church
    building.
    ~ You've waded in a creek wearing a necktie.
    ~ You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to waken and discover that you were.
    ~ You'd rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist.
    ~ You see a picnic as no picnic.
    ~ You've ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.
    ~ You've been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion.
    ~ You've ever wanted to give the sound man some feedback of your own.
    ~ You've ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you didn't mean praying for him.
    ~ You often feel like you are herding cats instead of shepherding sheep.
    ~ Your sermons have a happy ending...everyone's happy when it ends.
    ~ You've never preached on TV, because your wife made you get down before you broke something.
    ~ You feel that it is your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
     
    #1 chuck2336, Feb 25, 2008
  2. ANewCreature

    ANewCreature New Member

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    ...You run rabbit trails when going over the shopping list. (Maybe not that, but as for just general talking, guilty :)

    ...You think of your youth and the TV characters you were really into - and wonder if they were saved. (Yep! That's what fan fiction is for, to get them saved, right? :type:

    ...You watch the news, and the first thing you think about any news item involving people is, "I hope they're saved." (Actually, all Christians should think that - but sadly, many feel it's the pastor'[s job to reach people. And, as I've drawn closer to God, I find myself thikning that more and more.)
     
    #2 ANewCreature, Feb 26, 2008
  3. Palatka51

    Palatka51 New Member

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    ~If in a conversation with another person that person blurts a four letter word and covering their mouth says, "I'm sorry".
     
    #3 Palatka51, Feb 26, 2008
  4. tinytim

    tinytim <img src =/tim2.jpg>

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    --- you only work one day a week. (Don't you love that statement!!!)
    --- You are the one who says 'grace' at every picnic you attend
    --- you go to the grocery store, and don't get home for 3 hours later, because everyone wants to talk to you
    --- you often forget that others have lives that doesn't have to do with church
    --- You are expected to straighten up a 18 yr old because their parents didn't want to force their kids to go to church.
     
    #4 tinytim, Feb 26, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 26, 2008
  5. tank1976

    tank1976 New Member

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    These are great. I was laughing when I read several of them :smilewinkgrin:

    Is it ok if I post these on my blog? I will give you credit for them. Send me a message and let me know.
     
    #5 tank1976, Feb 26, 2008
  6. Carolina Baptist

    Carolina Baptist Active Member

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    And people complain if you work too long.:smilewinkgrin:
     
    #6 Carolina Baptist, Feb 26, 2008
  7. Alcott

    Alcott Well-Known Member
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    "~ You've never preached on TV, because your wife made you get down before you broke something. "

    This one doens't make sense, unless it's a groaner about sitting or standing on the TV. Is that it?
     
    #7 Alcott, Feb 26, 2008
  8. ANewCreature

    ANewCreature New Member

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    I'm pretty sure; I know that's how I saw it. I love those kinds of jokes.
     
    #8 ANewCreature, Feb 27, 2008
  9. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant Well-Known Member

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    ... when someone tells you they'll be in church THIS Sunday, you act like you believe them, but you know it's a lie.

    ... you are cynical and hopeful at the same time.
     
    #9 Tom Bryant, Feb 27, 2008
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